I feel so defeated

[Goh12345]

I was preparing to die for so long. My plans didn't work out and I won't be able to kill myself for at least another half of year. I am just not able to wait that long without anything changing. I don't know what to do right now. I probably must give it up and try recovery again. I feel very defeated. I kept lying to everyone. I pushed away every friend. Removed everything from my live that wasn't needed for dead me. Now I am left with nothing and noone and don't know how to ask for help again

 

[timf]

Is there anyone of the people you pushed away who would understand if you said, "I apologize for how I treated you in the past. I wanted to push people away because I had planned to kill myself. I didn't want people close to me to be hurt by this. However, I am beginning to realize that pushing people away hurts them as well."

You might find some who would understand and even reach out with support that could even be a basis for recovery.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are in this situation. I can imagine it must be frustrating to have your plans not work out after all that preparation. I understand it is hard to carry on when you feel like that. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[DutchDude26]

I was preparing to die for so long. My plans didn't work out and I won't be able to kill myself for at least another half of year. I am just not able to wait that long without anything changing. I don't know what to do right now. I probably must give it up and try recovery again. I feel very defeated. I kept lying to everyone. I pushed away every friend. Removed everything from my live that wasn't needed for dead me. Now I am left with nothing and noone and don't know how to ask for help again

Take care mate , hope everything works out (one way or another) if you have some money left go do something to distract you in the short term. Like visiting a zoo or some sports game or drive to a city/town you never been before. Alone time can be quality time, even when you're depressed.