Venting I feel so defeated. CPTSD is hell.

[galier]

Two and a half years ago I was in the best moment of my life, recovering from a major loss in my life. Unfortunately in the least expected way a sociopathic narcissist came into my life and changed it forever. Emotional abuse, lies, secrets, manipulations, constant infidelities were part of my life for more than 2 years, if only it was easy to get out of the cycle of abuse, but no, it took me 2 years and 3 months to escape, and here I am today totally affected with CPTSD and the trauma bond that this left me with, no friends, only my mother who does not understand what happened to me. And what it means to have this is constant flashbacks and sensations during the day and while I sleep, there is never a break from this psychological torture. I never imagined I would be here again, but here I am and truly because of this and understanding how bad things are in this world, I don't want to live anymore. I just have not been able to choose a method, I live in a country where it is difficult to have access to things like tanks or SN, plus now I live with my mother, it will not be easy to find a way, but I will find it. I just wanted to get it off my chest, because literally that relationship left me with no one in my life, I am completely alone.

 

[3/4Dead]

Can't imagine how difficult coming out on the other end of a situation like that is. Wishing you the best.

 

[LittleMoose]

I'm so sorry you went through all that. I'm also diagnosed with CPTSD, I know it can be absolute hell. Doing EMDR therapy did actually help me a lot with my CPTSD symptoms though.

 

[BlazingBob]

I've been ensnared in several trauma bonds in my life. Unfortunately the only things that can break the chains are time and total abstinence from the person. I have an insecure attachment style and am totally afraid of abandonment. I also suffer from cptsd due to an extremely violent and abusive upbringing.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I'm so sorry for your suffering. I was also diagnosed with CPTSD and I can relate to still living that life and not knowing how to live after having experienced how horrible the world can be.
Similarly to @LittleMoose I am also doing EMDR but can't attest to how effective it is yet, I feel like nothing works on me. They do recommend EMDR for trauma so it's something you could try if you feel like you have the emotional bandwidth for it. You deserve a good life... That narcissist is probably leaving his best life, it's unfair that you don't get to come out the other side and live a calm and content life like you deserve.

I hope things improve for you, you deserve a good life. I'm so sorry that creature has put you through hell

 

[Kit1]

I am so sorry for what you have been subjected to, the trauma and CPTSD. I have CPTSD and it is an absolute, relentless monster - tried therapy and now waiting for therapy with trauma clinic (2 year wait). Hoping it will work if I survive till then. There is an app called Finch which I have been using - it doesn't touch the pain, bit for some reason I am finding it slightly helpful as I keep returning to it..,

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be so dreadful, it's truly such a cruel existence where people suffer so unbearably, I'm sorry you are suffering like that. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[null_blank]

One of my exes suffered from cptsd and it was so hard to see him struggle through :c