Venting I feel so alone and scared

[gerot]

I've never vented online, probably because im scared of my bad english and because nobody cares, but i can't take those emotions anymore, it is 4 am here, i'm drunk and feel so hopeless, i'm neet, never had a girlfriend and never had a job and i'm 23, its not like i dont want to work but i feel so scared of social interactions and what other people will think about me because i didn't finish hs because i thought i will be dead by then but guess what i'm still here, feeling hopeless and crying my eyes out, i have sn and i want to take it so bad, i alwasy planned my ctb but ended up postponing it, i'm so coward, i feel like i am losing my mind and this ocd feels like its kiling me inside, always counting things, always scared of touching things, i dont know what to say anymore, my head feels numb and then full of those thoughts, i don't even knew what i am doing or saying but atleast it made me concentrate on what i was writing rn now and it calmed me down a little.
Edit: Now i feel like this post is useless because there are others people who are really suffering and i'm such a cry baby

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Your English is perfectly fine. Really good as a matter of fact.

Have you tried any medications for your condition yet?

 

[StaringIntoAnAbyss]

I've never vented online, probably because im scared of my bad english and because nobody cares, but i can't take those emotions anymore, it is 4 am here, i'm drunk and feel so hopeless, i'm neet, never had a girlfriend and never had a job and i'm 23, its not like i dont want to work but i feel so scared of social interactions and what other people will think about me because i didn't finish hs because i thought i will be dead by then but guess what i'm still here, feeling hopeless and crying my eyes out, i have sn and i want to take it so bad, i alwasy planned my ctb but ended up postponing it, i'm so coward, i feel like i am losing my mind and this ocd feels like its kiling me inside, always counting things, always scared of touching things, i dont know what to say anymore, my head feels numb and then full of those thoughts, i don't even knew what i am doing or saying but atleast it made me concentrate on what i was writing rn now and it calmed me down a little.

Sounds horrible man.
At least it is nice that venting and writing helps. If you want to talk or something just dm me

 

[gerot]

Your English is perfectly fine. Really good as a matter of fact.

Have you tried any medications for your condition yet?

I've taked paroxetine and lorazepam for a short amount of time, but was scared of the side effects and stopped taking them, i always thought that i can control those ocd impulses but they always come when you think less about them and you dont even know that you are doing it, i think it runs in family because i saw mother doing it too but she negates it, idk if ocd is my mainly suicide and depression reason but it takes a great amount too.

 

[Anon7b8]

If you can't vent on an online thread full of suicidal people, where can you vent? It's all good man. Every one needs someone/someplace to get their hearts heard.

 

[Cepi]

I've never vented online, probably because im scared of my bad english and because nobody cares, but i can't take those emotions anymore, it is 4 am here, i'm drunk and feel so hopeless, i'm neet, never had a girlfriend and never had a job and i'm 23, its not like i dont want to work but i feel so scared of social interactions and what other people will think about me because i didn't finish hs because i thought i will be dead by then but guess what i'm still here, feeling hopeless and crying my eyes out, i have sn and i want to take it so bad, i alwasy planned my ctb but ended up postponing it, i'm so coward, i feel like i am losing my mind and this ocd feels like its kiling me inside, always counting things, always scared of touching things, i dont know what to say anymore, my head feels numb and then full of those thoughts, i don't even knew what i am doing or saying but atleast it made me concentrate on what i was writing rn now and it calmed me down a little.
Edit: Now i feel like this post is useless because there are others people who are really suffering and i'm such a cry baby

Brother I had ocd and spent hours washing my hands and taking showers for 5 hours for 6 years but I overcame it and I believe you can too. I graduated hs at 22 and was a neet like you since 17. I'd say give your self a chance for redemption and see if you can make it work by taking care of your OCD and trying healthy habits. I'll be here for you if you need support cause I know the hell OCD is. You can't help you feel this way brother but you can change and then you'll feel better. I'm enjoying life somewhat now but it's okay to cry we're here for you always.

Brother I had ocd and spent hours washing my hands and taking showers for 5 hours for 6 years but I overcame it and I believe you can too. I graduated hs at 22 and was a neet like you since 17. I'd say give your self a chance for redemption and see if you can make it work by taking care of your OCD and trying healthy habits. I'll be here for you if you need support cause I know the hell OCD is. You can't help you feel this way brother but you can change and then you'll feel better. I'm enjoying life somewhat now but it's okay to cry we're here for you always.

Dm me if you need too

 

[ruru_241]

I've never vented online, probably because im scared of my bad english and because nobody cares, but i can't take those emotions anymore, it is 4 am here, i'm drunk and feel so hopeless, i'm neet, never had a girlfriend and never had a job and i'm 23, its not like i dont want to work but i feel so scared of social interactions and what other people will think about me because i didn't finish hs because i thought i will be dead by then but guess what i'm still here, feeling hopeless and crying my eyes out, i have sn and i want to take it so bad, i alwasy planned my ctb but ended up postponing it, i'm so coward, i feel like i am losing my mind and this ocd feels like its kiling me inside, always counting things, always scared of touching things, i dont know what to say anymore, my head feels numb and then full of those thoughts, i don't even knew what i am doing or saying but atleast it made me concentrate on what i was writing rn now and it calmed me down a little.
Edit: Now i feel like this post is useless because there are others people who are really suffering and i'm such a cry baby

i really relate to you a lot on the neet part .. i never had a job before and never finished hs either! all my relationships were online.. i feel like i wasted my life and am too far done to deal with anything anymore. but you're not alone, Gerot.

 

[gerot]

Thanks you all, it really made me fell a little better.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I've taked paroxetine and lorazepam for a short amount of time, but was scared of the side effects and stopped taking them, i always thought that i can control those ocd impulses but they always come when you think less about them and you dont even know that you are doing it, i think it runs in family because i saw mother doing it too but she negates it, idk if ocd is my mainly suicide and depression reason but it takes a great amount too.

I can definitely relate. I tried Effexor for social anxiety, but the benefits were neglible. Definitely not enough justify the brain zaps I got on any day that I forgot to take it. I think my problem is almost identical to yours. I suspect that a debilitating mix of OCD/ADHD/social anxiety disorder/possible austism makes life such an exhausting grind for me. Constant paralysis by analysis. Low dosage adderall is my only remotely effective saving grace. It doesn't cure any of the aforementioned disorders, but at least gives me the enegy and focus to try and manage the symptoms.

 

[mochiie]

I understand you completely. I've dropped out of high school and unemployed as well. I want to work too but it's very hard finding one where I don't have to interact with people much (or at all).

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be tiring what you have to endure, I find it so cruel how people suffer all through no fault of their own but anyway best wishes.

 

[fkyou]

I'm the same as you. I'm 23 too. Girl. Scared of social interactions. Fails to form friends.

 

[DEATH IS FREEDOM]

I think that many people feel alone and scared. That is why they write here. Death is the hardest and most terrifying thing one have to face. No one should be left alone in this difficult moment. We should all have the right to die with the help of a doctor.

 

[nivis...]

I've never vented online, probably because im scared of my bad english and because nobody cares, but i can't take those emotions anymore, it is 4 am here, i'm drunk and feel so hopeless, i'm neet, never had a girlfriend and never had a job and i'm 23, its not like i dont want to work but i feel so scared of social interactions and what other people will think about me because i didn't finish hs because i thought i will be dead by then but guess what i'm still here, feeling hopeless and crying my eyes out, i have sn and i want to take it so bad, i alwasy planned my ctb but ended up postponing it, i'm so coward, i feel like i am losing my mind and this ocd feels like its kiling me inside, always counting things, always scared of touching things, i dont know what to say anymore, my head feels numb and then full of those thoughts, i don't even knew what i am doing or saying but atleast it made me concentrate on what i was writing rn now and it calmed me down a little.
Edit: Now i feel like this post is useless because there are others people who are really suffering and i'm such a cry baby

hey hey, its okay. You're english is fine I bet, and this post isn't useless at all! you're not a crybaby, it's good to let your emotions out time from time.