Venting I feel perpetually stuck in grief

[nozomu]

I am always grieving myself. I can't believe I have to die. I'm stuck going between intense sadness, anger, acceptance, it never stays linear but I am hurting so bad. This won't end until I die either.... Fucking unbearable ... I wish I could just go now because I can't deal with these feelings

I'm grieving the life and love I never got to hold onto. The things I needed from the world that it never was kind enough to give to me. I'm grieving the person who has so much to give but has no way to survive the world to give it. I'm burning away. I feel sick whenever I get like this because it hurts so bad. But I have to go. I can't bear this world anymore. I can't face this life with a honest smile.

I'm holding out through my last few obligations to others before I go. But I need to leave. I'm so distraught, angry, sad. Why do bad people get the world handed to them and more and I can never escape this crushing pain? Why do they get to live painless existences and I have to die?

I miss when I had hope. But it is but a delusion for someone like me. My only path forward is to the end.

 

[sigh333]

your words def convey the immense depth of your pain & grief. i'm so sorry you're hurting so bad, and resonate with u hella. wishing ease from pain, whatever that looks like, for u <3

 

[outrider567]

'Perpetually stuck in grief' I can relate

 

[nozomu]

I woke up in agony. If I wasn't away from home right now I'd do it on impulse with sn. I can't last much longer with this crushing pain... And no one can help me anymore... I tried to talk to my partner about me CTB but they indicated such feelings were too much for them to handle.... I feel so fucking alone I hate this feeling. I hate that I can't even talk to anyone about this

 

[FuneralCry]

Existing really can be torture and the unfortunate reality is that there is simply nothing fair about any of this. Many people suffer way more than others all through no fault of their own, it's such a cruel existence which causes all of this pain to be experienced so unnecessarily. I hope that you eventually find the freedom that you wish for.