S
speakeasy
Not having fun right now
- Mar 21, 2022
- 4
I can't shake the feeling of being completely worthless to everyone I know besides being there to listen to their problems and tell jokes, and I'm exhausted. I feel incapable of doing anything that actually progresses my life forward. Being outside makes me really anxious because I was given a lot of shit for the way I look, talk and dress growing up; I don't feel any reward from creating good habits, especially in hygiene and I just can't get myself to care about money unless it could ultimately fund a way to end it.
I don't even know what I want, because I feel guilty talking to new people because I'm such a wreck. I can't hold up mentally for more than a couple days at a time if responsibilities are involved and I would do anything to relapse on alcohol right now even though I've had withdrawal seizures four times. I miss my cunt of an ex, she was a literal sociopath who emotionally abused me but she was the only love I've ever had. I wish I could just end my life already so people would stop worrying and could just move on.
I don't even know what I want, because I feel guilty talking to new people because I'm such a wreck. I can't hold up mentally for more than a couple days at a time if responsibilities are involved and I would do anything to relapse on alcohol right now even though I've had withdrawal seizures four times. I miss my cunt of an ex, she was a literal sociopath who emotionally abused me but she was the only love I've ever had. I wish I could just end my life already so people would stop worrying and could just move on.