ADeadBunny
🪦 July 20th, 2003 - January 8th, 2024
- Nov 19, 2023
- 131
I swear I can't feel anything anymore. In the past when I would get super depressed I would at least feel something. Anger, saddness, depression, whatever really. I just feel empty.
I've wasted my life and I don't even care about that anymore. I spent what were supposed to be the "best years" of my life high on whatever I could get my hands on to numb myself. Before that I was only focused on how to end my own life quickly and painlessly. Now I'm back to square one and I'm just ready for it to be over.
I've changed my mind of going for an od. I've found out that I have the means to make an exit hood. Hopefully my SI won't stop me this time. I'm so done with life and I'm so done with pushing myself through it. I'm not even living anymore, not really anyway. That is if I ever was to begin with and I don't really know if I was. When you wish with all your heart when you go to sleep that you won't wake up, you're already dead imo. Your body just hasn't realized it yet, so uou continue to suffer.
The only thing that could even burn me now is knowing that all of this pain could've been prevented. If my parents hadn't neglected me and I had access to the care I needed when I was young. Instead I live in a body that I can't bear to call my own and I'm so broken that I couldn't feel love even when I could actually feel.
Maybe if things had gone differently I wouldn't hate being alive. In reality my parents shouldn't have ever had me. I shouldn't exist. My entire life I have felt like an error. I can't wait to correct it. I can't wait to drive my car out onto a nature reserve, set up the nitrogen and ctb. Ugh, I hate that I have to wait any longer.
I guess I can still feel distain, but that's really it. No happy, sad, anger, pleasure, pain. It's all gone and I'll soon follow. Hopefully, I'll find peace, but tbh I don't think I could possibly suffer more than I do right here right now.
I hope you all find peace, whatever that means to you. I wish you all the best
I've wasted my life and I don't even care about that anymore. I spent what were supposed to be the "best years" of my life high on whatever I could get my hands on to numb myself. Before that I was only focused on how to end my own life quickly and painlessly. Now I'm back to square one and I'm just ready for it to be over.
I've changed my mind of going for an od. I've found out that I have the means to make an exit hood. Hopefully my SI won't stop me this time. I'm so done with life and I'm so done with pushing myself through it. I'm not even living anymore, not really anyway. That is if I ever was to begin with and I don't really know if I was. When you wish with all your heart when you go to sleep that you won't wake up, you're already dead imo. Your body just hasn't realized it yet, so uou continue to suffer.
The only thing that could even burn me now is knowing that all of this pain could've been prevented. If my parents hadn't neglected me and I had access to the care I needed when I was young. Instead I live in a body that I can't bear to call my own and I'm so broken that I couldn't feel love even when I could actually feel.
Maybe if things had gone differently I wouldn't hate being alive. In reality my parents shouldn't have ever had me. I shouldn't exist. My entire life I have felt like an error. I can't wait to correct it. I can't wait to drive my car out onto a nature reserve, set up the nitrogen and ctb. Ugh, I hate that I have to wait any longer.
I guess I can still feel distain, but that's really it. No happy, sad, anger, pleasure, pain. It's all gone and I'll soon follow. Hopefully, I'll find peace, but tbh I don't think I could possibly suffer more than I do right here right now.
I hope you all find peace, whatever that means to you. I wish you all the best
