yesterday when I was doing some errands I had to wait for a freight train to pass by and the first thing I thought of was "Wow, I really could just crawl under there and that would be it". i wasn't in a bad mood, and I was having a good day, but this still happens. i wish i would just sop thinking about this stuff. Anytime i see a train or heavy truck or a high bridge i think about killing myself. I really don't know how to deal with this because i know this isn't normal.
I have been that way my entire life. Everything I see, my mind goes to how can I kill myself or how easy it would be to kill myself. I have thought the same thing about trains, the same thing about falling off a cliff, crashing my car when a semi comes at me or just certain places hit me as good places to do it. It's constantly circling my mind and it has for years, it's exhausting. If anyone know the restraint I've had to have not to do it my whole life, they would be happy for me when I finally do and am at peace.
I have this to for example I just had to do one of those captcha things,it asked me to click on all the images containing a train and instantly my mind thought about being decapitated by a train. It's everywhere I go.
catch99
Member
- Apr 18, 2021
- 62
signifying nothing
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- Sep 13, 2020
- 2,553
Idk, I wouldn't be too worried. I think at least some of it is a reaction to try to balance out all the stuff we see around us that tries to encourage us to live longer, healthier, happier lives.
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 37,058
I feel similarly. Maybe in a way it is human nature. We feel trapped by our lives and death is the only means of escaping it. I cannot see a picture of a cliff without thinking the same thing. Maybe its also because death is inevitable so thoughts about it are in our subconcious mind.
DarkWolf
Worthless Loser
- Mar 29, 2021
- 201
I do the same thing. I think it's called suicidal intrusive thoughts.
Can't drive/walk over a bridge, look at a cliff, any body of water, etc without suicidal thinking. I go to the beach and all I can think about is walking into the sea. Every time I see something sharp I think of slitting my throat/ wrists. I cannot see something even remotely dangerous without thinking how can I kill myself with that.
I'm obbessed with suicide anyway.
Can't drive/walk over a bridge, look at a cliff, any body of water, etc without suicidal thinking. I go to the beach and all I can think about is walking into the sea. Every time I see something sharp I think of slitting my throat/ wrists. I cannot see something even remotely dangerous without thinking how can I kill myself with that.
I'm obbessed with suicide anyway.
