Story I feel like myself again

[nevergoodenough91]

This entire thing that happened to me was insane and really overwhelming. i dont really know what i could get from this i know its trauma and theres a lot to it, but the main thing is that I thought that i wasnt actually who I was and I was someone different and wasnt meant to be myself in the current day. So I cut off and tried to be that younger version of myself, but actually that was the idealized version of me that my parents wanted me to be. After realizing this I am going back to my old self before all this happened. I have reconnected with it but im not myself fully, im trying to change back now and I think I can do it and in a month ill feel completley like myself again.

I know there is more to this there is trauma and a huge amount of bullshit but for now I dont care im just fucking relieved that I regained my old self again.


I dont even understand the situation anymore im just glad its over im so fucking tired

 

[Akanea]

I'm glad you are feeling better! Did you manage that on your own, to get back to your former self? Or maybe some help from internet? It seems to be disassociation and child regression to me

 

[nevergoodenough91]

I'm glad you are feeling better! Did you manage that on your own, to get back to your former self? Or maybe some help from internet? It seems to be disassociation and child regression to me

I used the internet kinda but it really made things feel worse because of how it overcomplicated things, this problem happened since the end of may and i realized it was all horrible and I was following a lie on the 15th and since then ive been trying so hard to get myself back. I still only feel kind of like myself and I have to ignore and disbelieve the thoughts and beliefs and "progress" that I made since the start of june. its really hard and I hate it because I feel like my father and other people that have beliefs that are actually terrible and I project it onto other people and things, and I know its not how i naturally relate to the world and its really disturbing.

My best advice for someone else going through this is try to understand that everything is flipped in your head like whatever you actively think is the "good" and "natural" thing is the opposite of what you really think and feel, and it will probably label the old thoughts as being bad and who you are not. dont try to fight it just understand that when it comes up its not you and go backwards into old habits of thinking because that is how you actually are, the more you engage the automatic thoughts the worse it will progress into you. let the thoughts and emotions pass because they will die if they dont engage with you, use your actual observing thought process that knows this is a false takeover and have that dominate your thoughts because thats you. reconnect with the old thought processes and ways of being, and destroy the fundamental belief that allows this voice to continue in your mind and the thing that changed what you identified as so you can reverse it. thats what im doing so its the only advice i can say to do

 

[Hollowman]

Congrats, try to imagine not being yourself for over three decades.

 

[lucifer_yoo]

I used the internet kinda but it really made things feel worse because of how it overcomplicated things, this problem happened since the end of may and i realized it was all horrible and I was following a lie on the 15th and since then ive been trying so hard to get myself back. I still only feel kind of like myself and I have to ignore and disbelieve the thoughts and beliefs and "progress" that I made since the start of june. its really hard and I hate it because I feel like my father and other people that have beliefs that are actually terrible and I project it onto other people and things, and I know its not how i naturally relate to the world and its really disturbing.

My best advice for someone else going through this is try to understand that everything is flipped in your head like whatever you actively think is the "good" and "natural" thing is the opposite of what you really think and feel, and it will probably label the old thoughts as being bad and who you are not. dont try to fight it just understand that when it comes up its not you and go backwards into old habits of thinking because that is how you actually are, the more you engage the automatic thoughts the worse it will progress into you. let the thoughts and emotions pass because they will die if they dont engage with you, use your actual observing thought process that knows this is a false takeover and have that dominate your thoughts because thats you. reconnect with the old thought processes and ways of being, and destroy the fundamental belief that allows this voice to continue in your mind and the thing that changed what you identified as so you can reverse it. thats what im doing so its the only advice i can say to do

How old are you if I may ask?

 

[nevergoodenough91]

Congrats, try to imagine not being yourself for over three decades.

Sorry i know its so fucking hard

How old are you if I may ask?

20-22

I used the internet kinda but it really made things feel worse because of how it overcomplicated things, this problem happened since the end of may and i realized it was all horrible and I was following a lie on the 15th and since then ive been trying so hard to get myself back. I still only feel kind of like myself and I have to ignore and disbelieve the thoughts and beliefs and "progress" that I made since the start of june. its really hard and I hate it because I feel like my father and other people that have beliefs that are actually terrible and I project it onto other people and things, and I know its not how i naturally relate to the world and its really disturbing.

My best advice for someone else going through this is try to understand that everything is flipped in your head like whatever you actively think is the "good" and "natural" thing is the opposite of what you really think and feel, and it will probably label the old thoughts as being bad and who you are not. dont try to fight it just understand that when it comes up its not you and go backwards into old habits of thinking because that is how you actually are, the more you engage the automatic thoughts the worse it will progress into you. let the thoughts and emotions pass because they will die if they dont engage with you, use your actual observing thought process that knows this is a false takeover and have that dominate your thoughts because thats you. reconnect with the old thought processes and ways of being, and destroy the fundamental belief that allows this voice to continue in your mind and the thing that changed what you identified as so you can reverse it. thats what im doing so its the only advice i can say to do

Also please forget this advice i cant really say anything because its too complicated and im not a good source for anything really, this is my experience and other peoples are definitley much different than mine. maybe it can help you in some way but im sorry i dont wanna seem like an authority on this at all


Also im nowhere close to being healed, this is insanely complex the more i go into it, and im just getting started i think on a demon that has been frozen in me for 9 years. I am still healing and working every day, i am making progress though

 

[lucifer_yoo]

What you're saying makes sense. I realised this when the damage is already done beyond repair because I self sabotaged myself and my life. Kudos to figuring this out at such a young age.

 

[nevergoodenough91]

What you're saying makes sense. I realised this when the damage is already done beyond repair because I self sabotaged myself and my life. Kudos to figuring this out at such a young age.

thanks i hope you can find peace