Venting I feel like my sexual trauma isn't "bad enough"

[peerlesscucumber]

I've been groped by a family member of mine systematically ever since I was 11~.
I never took it to mind because she's a woman, and I'm 101% sure she's in no way attracted to little girls.

The thing is, this family member is actually my 93 year old great grandmother.
She's not sick in the mind, no dementia, no Alzheimer's, nothing, apart from her BPD diagnosis.

I never took to mind her touches because, what grandma would ever want to touch and grope her teen granddaughter's titts huh?

It feels ridiculous to even write this now. Just how weak I gotta be to be touched by someone who's closer to being a century old than to being 40?

Plus, it's not like she touched my private parts, she just did a little touch here, a small pinch there, maybe a lifted skirt from time to time, but it wasn't weird perse, it was more playful/?.. my family never said anything about it, so I just assumed I was being overdramatic

I know this might come off as attention seeking, but I just need someone to tell me if I'm either being overdramatic or if I'm truly valid, that my issues are real and thus, I deserve comfort

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

It's totally valid - and maybe even more serious than you think because everyone was so lighthearted about it. Perhaps part of the trauma is due to the fact you weren't protected at all, and were gaslit into feeling like it was no big deal. And a person could argue it's not as bad as forcible penetration or whatever, but this stuff isn't a competition. And it certainly is pretty weird from your description. Playfulness is a guise that a hell of a lot of abuse falls under.

I hope you can heal from this.

 

[Mirrory Me]

Well, it depends on how you take it. I personally don't like the idea that my grandmother would touch me sexually, it's really not a sign of a "healthy" person. I remembered a "stupid" memory from childhood when my grandfather's dog tried to rape me a couple of times (it knocked me over and started humping me from behind). It was the kind of dog that often did that to strangers, and often chased its tail (if you understand what I'm trying to say).

 

[enduringwinter]

Oh my mother did this too. She especially loved putting her hands inside my panties and groping my butt and not letting go Even when I was an adult she used to feel me in public. I think it was just girly fun to her (we fell out long ago so no more of anything). Family elders are funny because they expect us to be wise beyond our years but also cannot take off the infant goggles (and hence all the "playing with plush toy/baby" physical contact) when they look at us.

PS I completely understand your discomfort, not dramatic at all I hated it too even when I've had worse done to me as a child.

 

[EternalShore]

Any sexual trauma is awful and certainly qualifies as bad enough~ :( it just makes me disgusted to even think about! >_< I hope you can improve from this and be well~ Wishing for the best and praying for you! ^_^

 

[EvisceratedJester]

If it was bad enough to for you to consider it traumatic, then it's "bad enough". You have to remember, two people can go through the same event and react to it in completely different ways. You aren't being overdramatic for feeling violated due to her having groped you when you were younger.

Plus, your grandmother's behaviour does seem pretty fucking weird and definitely falls under sexual assault. Nobody should be purposely looking under your skirt or fondling your chest, including other women. Even if she didn't do it for sexual purposes it is still SA.

 

[BecomingTired]

I've been groped by a family member of mine systematically ever since I was 11~.
I never took it to mind because she's a woman, and I'm 101% sure she's in no way attracted to little girls.

The thing is, this family member is actually my 93 year old great grandmother.
She's not sick in the mind, no dementia, no Alzheimer's, nothing, apart from her BPD diagnosis.

I never took to mind her touches because, what grandma would ever want to touch and grope her teen granddaughter's titts huh?

It feels ridiculous to even write this now. Just how weak I gotta be to be touched by someone who's closer to being a century old than to being 40?

Plus, it's not like she touched my private parts, she just did a little touch here, a small pinch there, maybe a lifted skirt from time to time, but it wasn't weird perse, it was more playful/?.. my family never said anything about it, so I just assumed I was being overdramatic

I know this might come off as attention seeking, but I just need someone to tell me if I'm either being overdramatic or if I'm truly valid, that my issues are real and thus, I deserve comfort

There's no such thing as sexual trauma that's not "bad enough", if it's traumatic to you, it's valid no matter what anyone else says.