Story I feel like my only reason to exist is slipping away and I'm afraid to hurt people by CTB

[subhumantrash]

For the longest time, I lived for the few people who needed me. I just can't bare the thought of hurting them. I don't believe in afterlife, so I literally won't even know what happens after I die. Why do I even care? I don't know. I just do, and I can't let them get hurt because of me.
But recently, I feel like I'm of no use to them. I feel like I'm a burden and I'm just ruining their day whenever they talk with me.
It makes me want to finally let go, but I still cannot risk the slightest chance of hurting anybody.
I feel like they are finally noticing how bad of a person I am. I have nightmares about losing them.
I used to live for those few seconds of joy when I saw that I made them happy, but now I feel like I'm just making everyone suffer more.
I once asked a friend directly, if he enjoys my presence. He told me he wouldn't know what to do if I wasn't here. But I still feel like I'm no good for anybody. Is my mind playing games to me? I don't know.

I just want a single day where I'm not constantly wishing I never existed.
I hope whoever is reading this is having a better day, thank you for reading how my life is going on at the moment.

 

[je.suis.prêt]

I too feel quite worthless and aimless most of the time. Apparently that is what our mind does when in some kind of turmoil.

I just want a single day where I'm not constantly wishing I never existed.

I think and feel this every day too, and I can't help but think either the thoughts somehow magically stop or I end my life... I don't know what to do. At least there is some kind of emotional validation from reading posts by people like yourself who are experiencing the same thing. :)

 

[teo_1990]

Please tell me, did I understand correctly that the forum is temporarily limited in topics? And then I don't see those with ways.

 

[subhumantrash]

Please tell me, did I understand correctly that the forum is temporarily limited in topics? And then I don't see those with ways.

I, dont think so but honestly I'm unsure.

 

[nozomu]

I used to live for those few seconds of joy when I saw that I made them happy, but now I feel like I'm just making everyone suffer more.

I can't offer more advice on this but I know that I am feeling this way strongly as of late. I'm really sorry you also have this pain.