Story I feel like my boyfriend who passed away set me free

[BlueButterfly111]

I feel like him passing has given me the strength and courage to finally end my life. Ever since I met him, I stopped desperately trying to search for someone to love me because he was and is my true soulmate in this lifetime. I feel like both of us were meant to be in each others lives so that we could finally experience true romantic love before our deaths.

One of the last conversations we had, he told me he tries not to tell me about how much he loves me because he gave someone his heart and they didn't deserve it. I told him that he can give me his beautiful heart, and I feel like he did.

I've been depressed my whole life, but his death really broke my heart. And when I think about ctb now I feel complete because all I ever wanted was to be loved, and I finally got to experience it in such a perfect way. Like my soul contract or mission is over and I experienced everything I was supposed to in this lifetime. I am absolutely not gonna be able to live with the pain of his death for years to come. It's over for me, and no one can convince me otherwise.

I do hope I get to see him again in death, if he truly is my soulmate or twin soul I think it would be impossible not to. And I just think about how in a lot of ways, he has restored my spirituality with everything that happened with him passing. (I'm not religious but I'm an agnostic spiritualist.)

He made me believe in love, in soulmates. I had a dream about him passing away a few months before he passed away, I feel like that can't be a coincidence. Also, ever since he passed I started paying more attention to the clouds and the sky, I didn't know why I was doing it. I saw a cloud shaped just like a teddy bear that was beaming with light around it. His sister saw the photo I took and she said it was him sending me a gift, a teddy bear, and I believe that.

I know I make a lot of posts about him, but I just happen to think about him a lot and sometimes want to get my thoughts out, since I have no one else to talk to about it. I feel like he truly set me free, since I feel like I was never meant for this life anyway.

 

[iloveloving]

Bless your heart.

 

[goredpet]

i'm glad you got to meet someone so beautiful in this ugly place

 

[Blueberry Panic]

I feel like him passing has given me the strength and courage to finally end my life. Ever since I met him, I stopped desperately trying to search for someone to love me because he was and is my true soulmate in this lifetime. I feel like both of us were meant to be in each others lives so that we could finally experience true romantic love before our deaths.

One of the last conversations we had, he told me he tries not to tell me about how much he loves me because he gave someone his heart and they didn't deserve it. I told him that he can give me his beautiful heart, and I feel like he did.

I've been depressed my whole life, but his death really broke my heart. And when I think about ctb now I feel complete because all I ever wanted was to be loved, and I finally got to experience it in such a perfect way. Like my soul contract or mission is over and I experienced everything I was supposed to in this lifetime. I am absolutely not gonna be able to live with the pain of his death for years to come. It's over for me, and no one can convince me otherwise.

I do hope I get to see him again in death, if he truly is my soulmate or twin soul I think it would be impossible not to. And I just think about how in a lot of ways, he has restored my spirituality with everything that happened with him passing. (I'm not religious but I'm an agnostic spiritualist.)

He made me believe in love, in soulmates. I had a dream about him passing away a few months before he passed away, I feel like that can't be a coincidence. Also, ever since he passed I started paying more attention to the clouds and the sky, I didn't know why I was doing it. I saw a cloud shaped just like a teddy bear that was beaming with light around it. His sister saw the photo I took and she said it was him sending me a gift, a teddy bear, and I believe that.

I know I make a lot of posts about him, but I just happen to think about him a lot and sometimes want to get my thoughts out, since I have no one else to talk to about it. I feel like he truly set me free, since I feel like I was never meant for this life anyway.

I lost my ex boyfriend over a year ago to suicide . I felt the closest I ever had to him in those moments.

The times I've ended up in the hospital for a attempt or a od ... I felt him but it wasn't ever the same. Only in death do we find the people who we have lost , because through death we find a eternal belonging with nothingness.

 

[LukaParrot]

I perfectly understand now what you're passing and how're you feeling.

I wish... I had something better, something to offer a relieve in your life.

I really believe in soulmates, it's very hard to find and it's very paintful to loose them.

You had the oportunity to live by his side and I think that counts a lot in terms of experience in life. I know a lof of marriage people that're hollow inside, it's all about money.

Whatever be your choice, i wish peace to you.

 

[failedmind]

This resonates with me so much. So do your other posts. My boyfriend died 5 years ago. I haven't been with anyone else since. I've been suicidal all my life but after he died, it just increased it. I want to be with him. That's one reason I'm so ready to CTB. Knowing I get to see him again. He can hold me again. We can finally be together again. My heart is with you. I see you and I understand you. Feel free to message me if you would like.

 

[BlueButterfly111]

This resonates with me so much. So do your other posts. My boyfriend died 5 years ago. I haven't been with anyone else since. I've been suicidal all my life but after he died, it just increased it. I want to be with him. That's one reason I'm so ready to CTB. Knowing I get to see him again. He can hold me again. We can finally be together again. My heart is with you. I see you and I understand you. Feel free to message me if you would like.

Hi there. I tried to message you a few minutes ago, but it didn't work. I think it's because if you don't have a certain amount of posts, you cannot receive or send messages. Or it could be for some other reason, I'm not sure. I just wanted to let you know I tried to message you! I hope you don't mind if I just reply here since it didn't work. I had a whole paragraph typed and everything, so now I'm gonna try to remember what I said.

Your comment really resonated with me as well, thank you so much for commenting. It made me feel less alone.

You're really strong for being able to live for 5 years without him. It's been almost 7 months since my boyfriend passed away and I feel like I want to ctb asap. I feel like my life has been horrible, but ever since he passed away, it feels like it's just in my soul contract to suicide. I don't know if that makes any sense, but that's the way I feel.

I hope you don't mind if I ask you questions. You don't have to answer them if you don't want to. Do you also feel like he was your person/soulmate/twinflame? Just the person you were meant to be with? You said you haven't been with anyone else since he passed away, and honestly I feel the same way. I have 0 interest in being with anyone else, he was special and there's no one like him.

 

[failedmind]

Hi there. I tried to message you a few minutes ago, but it didn't work. I think it's because if you don't have a certain amount of posts, you cannot receive or send messages. Or it could be for some other reason, I'm not sure. I just wanted to let you know I tried to message you! I hope you don't mind if I just reply here since it didn't work. I had a whole paragraph typed and everything, so now I'm gonna try to remember what I said.

Your comment really resonated with me as well, thank you so much for commenting. It made me feel less alone.

You're really strong for being able to live for 5 years without him. It's been almost 7 months since my boyfriend passed away and I feel like I want to ctb asap.

I hope you don't mind if I ask you questions. You don't have to answer them if you don't want to. Do you also feel like he was your person/soulmate/twinflame? Just the person you were mean to be with? You said you haven't been with anyone else since he passed away, and honestly I feel the same way. I have 0 interest in being with anyone else, he was special and there's no one like him.

I tried as well but not sure if it worked!

You can ask me anything!
I feel like he was 100% my soulmate. No doubt. I will never forget the first time I met him and we looked at each other. I felt it. I just knew this was going to be the person I'd spend forever with.

I very recently got into a long distance relationship. Like a week ago recent. (we haven't met yet, total online rn)
But I still think of my late boyfriend constantly. So much so I forgot to mention it in my original response to you. I just feel disconnected all the time. Like I'm with my LD partner in the physical world but my late boyfriend spiritually. If that makes sense. Its a lot, and its really really hard.
I wouldnt wish this pain upon anyone.

My life has become a total blur since my boyfriend died. 5 years and 2 months of total blur.
I cry about him, still. And all I can think about is how when i CTB, I wont have to miss him anymore. Knowing he's waiting for me. Even writing about it makes me want to cry. I miss him so much.

 

[BlueButterfly111]

I tried as well but not sure if it worked!

You can ask me anything!
I feel like he was 100% my soulmate. No doubt. I will never forget the first time I met him and we looked at each other. I felt it. I just knew this was going to be the person I'd spend forever with.

I very recently got into a long distance relationship. Like a week ago recent. (we haven't met yet, total online rn)
But I still think of my late boyfriend constantly. So much so I forgot to mention it in my original response to you. I just feel disconnected all the time. Like I'm with my LD partner in the physical world but my late boyfriend spiritually. If that makes sense. Its a lot, and its really really hard.
I wouldnt wish this pain upon anyone.

My life has become a total blur since my boyfriend died. 5 years and 2 months of total blur.
I cry about him, still. And all I can think about is how when i CTB, I wont have to miss him anymore. Knowing he's waiting for me. Even writing about it makes me want to cry. I miss him so much.

I think the reason we can't send messages is most likely because I think you have to have a certain number of posts to message someone! Maybe I can try to message you again eventually.

Awww that is so sweet that you knew immediately that he was your soulmate. I love hearing about love and love stories. I'm like a hopeless romantic, and that's why it makes me so sad that I lost someone I loved so deeply. My favorite movie since I was 13 has been the fault in our stars. I don't want to spoil it but it pertains to the situation.

I remember before he passed away, he was in the hospital for a few weeks in critical condition. I remember telling myself that if he survives, I would dedicate my whole life to him. I would have the courage to live because he was my everything and my soulmate. But if he passed, then I would have no reason to live anymore. And when I got the call that he finally passed, something inside me just gave up completely.

And you described how I feel completely when you said you feel like you're with your boyfriend in the spiritual world. I often have dreams of him, and had dreams about him before and after he passed away. I just feel so connected with him, it's hard to believe that I won't be with him again. I feel such a spiritual connection with him, and like he awakened me in many ways through his death. I hope I get to be with him again.

I'm so sorry for your pain and loss. I still cry about him sometimes too, but no one understands so I don't talk to people about it. Someone even told me that since he's not a family member I shouldn't be grieving for that long. I was only with him for less than a year, (I think almost 8 months), but the soul connection was so real from the beginning. How long were you with your boyfriend in the physical world? It's just so lonely since no one understands or cares irl. It's why I write about him online to get my feelings out. I'm so sorry about your pain!