loslassen
Nine
- Dec 8, 2023
- 196
Im trying to get better you know. I really am.
I'm beginning therapy, I'm starting to set more tangible goals regarding my delayed academic formation.
but for some reason everything I do feels so worthless lately, and I'm not doing much to chase after the "important things." I feel like a genuine drag, nothing I do feels fulfilling even if it's things that are supposed to make me happy. I don't want to spiral, I really don't. but I just feel so disappointed at everything I do and am. I feel like an embarrassing person, like it's embarrassing to wake up.
I'm not clueless about human behaviors, psychology and causes alike, but even while having so much context to the reasons behind my pains it doesn't, change anything.
I know my opinions are bound to change when met with different perspectives, it's not like I *want* to give up the same blatant, suicidal way I used to. but I'm disappointed at the mental and emotional setbacks even after I've convinced myself I'd do my best to live on because I didn't entirely want to die. I know this positive talk might not resonate with many, that a lot of people are past trying. but I'm not and that's the frustrating part, feeling so useless and embarrassing just to exist but being stubborn enough to wanting to keep on living. I don't even know what makes me happy about myself anymore, I feel like a shell, I feel empty.
the only things keeping me alive are the love from the people that care about me. but as a person I feel like I don't know who I am, and every step I take into figuring that out is a mistake or a problem, like walking on eggshells.
I'm beginning therapy, I'm starting to set more tangible goals regarding my delayed academic formation.
but for some reason everything I do feels so worthless lately, and I'm not doing much to chase after the "important things." I feel like a genuine drag, nothing I do feels fulfilling even if it's things that are supposed to make me happy. I don't want to spiral, I really don't. but I just feel so disappointed at everything I do and am. I feel like an embarrassing person, like it's embarrassing to wake up.
I'm not clueless about human behaviors, psychology and causes alike, but even while having so much context to the reasons behind my pains it doesn't, change anything.
I know my opinions are bound to change when met with different perspectives, it's not like I *want* to give up the same blatant, suicidal way I used to. but I'm disappointed at the mental and emotional setbacks even after I've convinced myself I'd do my best to live on because I didn't entirely want to die. I know this positive talk might not resonate with many, that a lot of people are past trying. but I'm not and that's the frustrating part, feeling so useless and embarrassing just to exist but being stubborn enough to wanting to keep on living. I don't even know what makes me happy about myself anymore, I feel like a shell, I feel empty.
the only things keeping me alive are the love from the people that care about me. but as a person I feel like I don't know who I am, and every step I take into figuring that out is a mistake or a problem, like walking on eggshells.
