ethereals
New Member
- Feb 7, 2023
- 4
I had an intake today to join a therapy group, but I don't think I'm actually able to join because of how busy I am. I'm supposed to have a surgery in a couple of months and my college makes it basically impossible for me to be in that therapy group, because of obligated classes, unless I drop out or quit for a year (but that would also mean I'd lose my housing and income so I wouldn't be able to join the group anyway) So it's basically impossible for me.
My psychologist doesn't do shit, I only talk about how I've been the past week and how many times I've had a mental breakdown (many) and she just sits there, listing things I should try like breathing exercises or changing my thought process (As if I haven't fucking tried that??) Nothing she suggests works and I'm basically only venting to her for an hour and she takes my money.
I've wanted to get help, but it's either failing another year of school to get daily therapy, or mindlessly trying to get by each day without any support and just having to pretend to be fine to eventually to be able to get a degree, and continue to work for the rest of my life in a job I know I won't enjoy. What's the fucking point.
I feel like no matter what options I have, I'm always going to be stressed about one thing or another which is just going to result in me hating my life and hating myself. I keep thinking to myself, what if I just fully go through with it this time.
I've attempted before, last year, and it just ended up in me being hospitalized for a couple of days and getting send to the psych ward immediately after. Most stressful experience of my life. It felt like I wasn't even recovering, it was just me being forced to stay there, following group activities and having a nurse check up on me once in a while, and them all pressuring me into telling my family my issues.
Oh and then they keep sending me bills for hundreds of euros, thanks for making me even more broke after basically doing nothing!
God, I'm just so sick of this. It's been years now that I've been feeling this way, and nothing seems to help. I'm just tired and I'm just done. But I feel like I'm trapped because of the amount of responsibilities and obligations I have, and the debt I'll leave behind if I actually go through with it. I'll just be leaving other people with my shit and I don't want to do that to them either, so am I just supposed to suffer like this forever?
My psychologist doesn't do shit, I only talk about how I've been the past week and how many times I've had a mental breakdown (many) and she just sits there, listing things I should try like breathing exercises or changing my thought process (As if I haven't fucking tried that??) Nothing she suggests works and I'm basically only venting to her for an hour and she takes my money.
I've wanted to get help, but it's either failing another year of school to get daily therapy, or mindlessly trying to get by each day without any support and just having to pretend to be fine to eventually to be able to get a degree, and continue to work for the rest of my life in a job I know I won't enjoy. What's the fucking point.
I feel like no matter what options I have, I'm always going to be stressed about one thing or another which is just going to result in me hating my life and hating myself. I keep thinking to myself, what if I just fully go through with it this time.
I've attempted before, last year, and it just ended up in me being hospitalized for a couple of days and getting send to the psych ward immediately after. Most stressful experience of my life. It felt like I wasn't even recovering, it was just me being forced to stay there, following group activities and having a nurse check up on me once in a while, and them all pressuring me into telling my family my issues.
Oh and then they keep sending me bills for hundreds of euros, thanks for making me even more broke after basically doing nothing!
God, I'm just so sick of this. It's been years now that I've been feeling this way, and nothing seems to help. I'm just tired and I'm just done. But I feel like I'm trapped because of the amount of responsibilities and obligations I have, and the debt I'll leave behind if I actually go through with it. I'll just be leaving other people with my shit and I don't want to do that to them either, so am I just supposed to suffer like this forever?