I feel like I'm too fragile to be alive

[cantthinkofanickname]

So that's how I feel and if I kill myself that will be the reason. I don't know why I'm posting this thread.
I think too much.
I suffer too much.
My inevitable emotional empathy and compassion is just frustrating.
I'm socially awkward because I don't have a fucking clue.
I'm angry.
I'm upset.
I don't think the Earth will be a better place as long as we are living on it.
I don't think I will ever get used to people.
I don't think I could learn how to fight back.
I don't think those feelings will ever go.
I don't think I'll ever feel at home.

Anyone with the same feelings?

PS: Only thing that I want to do before ending it is writing a book. Yes, I want to write a book. It will be completely unethical and disturbing. That's why no one is going to read it. Gonna write it anyway.

 

[readybready]

I feel the exact same way. I'm way too fragile to live in society. I'm just going to crumble.

 

[cantthinkofanickname]

I feel the exact same way. I'm way too fragile to live in society. I'm just going to crumble.

I'm scared to leave home. I'm scared to make eye contact. I'm scared to fight for my rights. I'm scared of everything that is connected with communication. They are going to eat me alive if I don't end me.

 

[exhausted]

I feel like I have no skin and most experiences are salt on my exposed nerves. If there was a softer world full of metaphorical cushions and hands to hold, maybe I could one day thrive, but society is sharp corners, doing things before I am ready and not understanding how people need me to be. Let me float away on a cloud, or put me on a Xanax drip for life as a kindness.

 

[Mloureiro]

You are not alone with those feelings...

 

[Moonicide]

I'm right there with how you feel. I'm so sorry you feel the same way. I wouldn't wish this on anyone...
And you should go ahead with your last wish and write that book.

 

[BlueWidow]

So that's how I feel and if I kill myself that will be the reason. I don't know why I'm posting this thread.
I think too much.
I suffer too much.
My inevitable emotional empathy and compassion is just frustrating.
I'm socially awkward because I don't have a fucking clue.
I'm angry.
I'm upset.
I don't think the Earth will be a better place as long as we are living on it.
I don't think I will ever get used to people.
I don't think I could learn how to fight back.
I don't think those feelings will ever go.
I don't think I'll ever feel at home.

Anyone with the same feelings?

PS: Only thing that I want to do before ending it is writing a book. Yes, I want to write a book. It will be completely unethical and disturbing. That's why no one is going to read it. Gonna write it anyway.

you nailed it! I couldn't have expressed it any better. Being this way sucks!

 

[painoflife]

You definitely aren't alone feeling like this, it feels like you are describing me

 

[cantthinkofanickname]

I'm right there with how you feel. I'm so sorry you feel the same way. I wouldn't wish this on anyone...
And you should go ahead with your last wish and write that book.

Actually I'm on pills right now, antidepressant and antipsychotic. I'll try for the last time. If I can live as a chemically lobotomized zombie, I won't do it. Although I will kill myself eventually, no matter what. It's pointless to last a bit longer. I'm really indecisive right now.
Don't feel sorry. Being delicate is not that bad as long as there is an another option, like giving up. :)
And thanks for the book support. <3

 

[Moonicide]

Actually I'm on pills right now, antidepressant and antipsychotic. I'll try for the last time. If I can live as a chemically lobotomized zombie, I won't do it. Although I will kill myself eventually, no matter what. It's pointless to last a bit longer. I'm really indecisive right now.
Don't feel sorry. Being delicate is not that bad as long as there is an another option, like giving up. :)
And thanks for the book support. <3

Same. I've been in programs, treatment, as well as medication for my mental illness. Even on disability due to it.
Unfortunately, it hasn't been enough for me. But I hope things get better for you.
Definitely took me a while to get to this point though. It's not a decision to make lightly, and so when people finally do go through with it they are usually at peace.

 

[readytoleavenow]

Hope you find the deserved peace. I`ve been on pills all this year, the same, antidepressant and antipsychotic, doesn`t help much and I was always feeling that I was a robot, no emotions in a bad way. Quit the pills on the last weeks, on a strange way I feel better and worse at the same time. I could feel more emotional and more human again but with this come more loads of pain.I`ve really had some bad decisions in the past who lead to where I am today, and just feel sorry and move on is not that easy. Too many regrets and shame of some actions. Sometimes the paths we choose lead us to a point of no return to where only ctb is an option.
Hope you can finish your book and all your wishes before your time comes.
Send you love mate, you are not alone.

 

[Soul]

@cantthinkofanickname, I'll read your book.

I wish I could create a soft safe world for you all, xanax drip included. But for now all I can offer are these (((hugs)))

 

[Abood95]

Same here, it's absolutely not right for me to continue living. I'm even struggling with suicide.

 

[cantthinkofanickname]

Hope you find the deserved peace. I`ve been on pills all this year, the same, antidepressant and antipsychotic, doesn`t help much and I was always feeling that I was a robot, no emotions in a bad way. Quit the pills on the last weeks, on a strange way I feel better and worse at the same time. I could feel more emotional and more human again but with this come more loads of pain.I`ve really had some bad decisions in the past who lead to where I am today, and just feel sorry and move on is not that easy. Too many regrets and shame of some actions. Sometimes the paths we choose lead us to a point of no return to where only ctb is an option.
Hope you can finish your book and all your wishes before your time comes.
Send you love mate, you are not alone.

Thank you very much!
And damn, I don't know if I should leave those pills... Did they affect your cognitive abilities or creativity? Did you notice any permanent damages on your brain?

 

[darkghost]

I feel exactly like that, it's horrible. I plan to ctb this week. I can't take It anymore.

 

[Fragile]

all of that plus a very weak and sickly body is why i choose this name on this forum, to the very core i'm simply Fragile and there's no way of fixing me.

it truly feels like people like us are not meant for this world.

 

[readytoleavenow]

Thank you very much!
And damn, I don't know if I should leave those pills... Did they affect your cognitive abilities or creativity? Did you notice any permanent damages on your brain?

Man, I`m really don`t have creativity anymore, I was a professional musician and composer and was very creative have made some good music on the past. I have a permanent damage on my consciouness, i can`t figure it out if it is my soul or my hearth, and by this time i think it will never past. It`s strange how some things that happen fast can change you entirely and maybe forever. Now I`m in an autopilot mode gathering enough money to make my planned ctb, and wishing this end the things. I think that if the pills are making you better, go for it i was talking about my experience but everyone is different so give it a try for a time, maybe quit for some time and see what it happens. If you get worse go back for the pills. You will be supported in any of your decisions, I will not judge.

 

[APharmaDestroyedLife]

Ive always felt to sensitive for this world and for the human race. I see how other humans behave and I think " I can't possibly be a member of such a toxic, selfish, hateful , and destructive species" I feel other peoples pain , I cry at other peoples emotions. I've always felt like a snail with no shell... just exposed to everything with no protection . I love this speach by Carl Sagan.

 

[cantthinkofanickname]

Man, I`m really don`t have creativity anymore, I was a professional musician and composer and was very creative have made some good music on the past. I have a permanent damage on my consciouness, i can`t figure it out if it is my soul or my hearth, and by this time i think it will never past. It`s strange how some things that happen fast can change you entirely and maybe forever. Now I`m in an autopilot mode gathering enough money to make my planned ctb, and wishing this end the things. I think that if the pills are making you better, go for it i was talking about my experience but everyone is different so give it a try for a time, maybe quit for some time and see what it happens. If you get worse go back for the pills. You will be supported in any of your decisions, I will not judge.

I'm so sorry about your experience. It's a horrible thing for a musician to go through. It's shocking how psychiatrists prescribe those pills without any hesitation, as if they don't give a shit about the damage it will leave in us. I'm not even psychotic or bipolar, so I don't know why I'm using an antipsychotic.
I hope you feel better soon and find peace. Good luck. <3

Ive always felt to sensitive for this world and for the human race. I see how other humans behave and I think " I can't possibly be a member of such a toxic, selfish, hateful , and destructive species" I feel other peoples pain , I cry at other peoples emotions. I've always felt like a snail with no shell... just exposed to everything with no protection . I love this speach by Carl Sagan.

Every word of Carl's is pretty accurate, thank you for sharing it.
Snail is a good metaphor. I think I've found my spirit animal.

 

[CursedFortune]

This is the first time I've seen others express these exact same feelings, I can relate to this so much, so thank you all. I just wish I lived in a simpler, gentler, more understanding world.

 

[BrokenHopes]

This is the first time I've seen others express these exact same feelings, I can relate to this so much, so thank you all. I just wish I lived in a simpler, gentler, more understanding world.

Yes I feel the same way. It feels nice not to be alone in this.

 

[Elias]

Excellent description, I also feel like I'm way too fragile to face the hardships I went through. Like, that was too much for me and instead of making me stronger, it weakened me even more. I'm prone to breakdowns about very tiny stuff now, and it puts me at a huge disadvantage in this competitive life.

 

[CursedFortune]

Excellent description, I also feel like I'm way too fragile to face the hardships I went through. Like, that was too much for me and instead of making me stronger, it weakened me even more. I'm prone to breakdowns about very tiny stuff now, and it puts me at a huge disadvantage in this competitive life.

Exactly this and same here! I've tried to tell the people around me this exact same thing, but they keep saying that I'm a resilient person for surviving what I've gone though. All it does is make me feel even more weak and invalidated. Will they only finally believe me when I CTB?

 

[sleepy dog]

I'm scared to leave home. I'm scared to make eye contact. I'm scared to fight for my rights. I'm scared of everything that is connected with communication. They are going to eat me alive if I don't end me.

I identify with all of that. I am terrified. But I wasn't until I used psych drugs. It seems they destroyed my mind. The employees at the mental health clinic refused to give me counseling unless I took the drugs.

 

[MelancholyPie]

I always felt like I wasn't made for this world... When I was a kid, I would cry a lot, and adults would scold me and tell me not to cry.

There's something wrong with my brain, in a way that I can't deal with competition or losing or misfortune at all, no matter the subject. Everyone seems able to brush it off and keep walking, but I just feel likd I'm not strong enough to do it.

I can't even deal with the pain associated to most ctb methods, and that's probably the reason I'm still here, typing this. Perhaps I'm even too weak to ctb.

 

[CursedFortune]

I always felt like I wasn't made for this world... When I was a kid, I would cry a lot, and adults would scold me and tell me not to cry.

There's something wrong with my brain, in a way that I can't deal with competition or losing or misfortune at all, no matter the subject. Everyone seems able to brush it off and keep walking, but I just feel likd I'm not strong enough to do it.

I can't even deal with the pain associated to most ctb methods, and that's probably the reason I'm still here, typing this. Perhaps I'm even too weak to ctb.

I was the exact same way.... I cried all the time. sensitive to everything. Even when I was a baby, my mom said I cried for months after I was born and she thought there was something wrong with me. Maybe it really is a brain issue? Nowadays I'm so sad and hopeless that I can't even cry anymore. Much love to you, I hope we can both find peace, whether while alive in the world or not.

 

[sleepy dog]

I always felt like I wasn't made for this world... When I was a kid, I would cry a lot, and adults would scold me and tell me not to cry.

There's something wrong with my brain, in a way that I can't deal with competition or losing or misfortune at all, no matter the subject. Everyone seems able to brush it off and keep walking, but I just feel likd I'm not strong enough to do it.

I can't even deal with the pain associated to most ctb methods, and that's probably the reason I'm still here, typing this. Perhaps I'm even too weak to ctb.

My mother said I cried a lot when I was a baby. I also am not naturally competitive like most people. Everything seems difficult. And now I am starting to feel too weak to end my suffering. I went thru the whole process of getting Nembutal from A, and the police took it from me and now I am in forced treatment. I am so scared I will never be able to take control of my death and end my suffering.

 

[cantthinkofanickname]

My mother said I cried a lot when I was a baby. I also am not naturally competitive like most people. Everything seems difficult. And now I am starting to feel too weak to end my suffering. I went thru the whole process of getting Nembutal from A, and the police took it from me and now I am in forced treatment. I am so scared I will never be able to take control of my death and end my suffering.

According to my mom's words, I cried non stop for weeks after I was born. Is this a common thing for the people who are genetically prone to suicide?

 

[sleepy dog]

According to my mom's words, I cried non stop for weeks after I was born. Is this a common thing for the people who are genetically prone to suicide?

I don't think anybody knows. Obviously psychiatrists don't know because they never say anything about it in person or online. They also never ask people "Did you cry a lot when you were a baby?". It might be related. I think chemistry decides so much in the human mind. It seems chemicals can literally be used to make people do almost anything, good or bad.

 

[CursedFortune]

According to my mom's words, I cried non stop for weeks after I was born. Is this a common thing for the people who are genetically prone to suicide?

No idea but it's like even then, we were mourning being born into this world.