i feel like im stuck in limbo

[pestilence]

I have an addiction to porn because I was abused as a child many times, and I'm not sure what to do anymore. I feel like less than a man, and I want to start my life, but I have really bad body dysmorphia because of it. I hate it so much, and I just want it all to go away. It feels like torture.

I wish I had someone close to me who could relate or just be with me, because I'm also extremely lonely, and that doesn't help. I'm just so lost at this point, and I feel like I spend most of my days daydreaming. Recently it's been really bad. I haven't showered in weeks, I'm surrounded by trash, and I'm wasting all of my money on food to cope with my situation i dont know what to do.

 

[Gomomon]

I don't think your life has any less meaning than anyone else's; your mental health struggles are just interfering because of that past trauma. Everyone tries to cope with these things, I think, by adopting even worse habits, because we dont have good support systems. I was kinda addicted to porn to at too young an age, and it used to be so enticing, then one day it just bored me to death and didn't give me any thrill, and I'd joke at the bad acting instead. Back then, I felt disgusting and ill and barely wanted to take care of myself or had the energy. I think it starts with the smallest steps and little rewards. Tomorrow just reward yourself by eating one good thing, or the next day try to lessen the amount of porn you watch. I personally stopped watching videos and switched to just imagining in my head or reading, tbh idk if that's much better, but it feels like ethical gooning. I was very ashamed of myself because I didn't even think girls masturbated to porn or anything, and there was something inherently wrong with me, but ik with men it works a little differently and can be more addictive and hotwired to get you hooked. Reward yourself for the sake of feeling a little bit better and cleaner, not for the sake of anyone else, you come first. Hope this helps.

 

[pestilence]

I don't think your life has any less meaning than anyone else's; your mental health struggles are just interfering because of that past trauma. Everyone tries to cope with these things, I think, by adopting even worse habits, because we dont have good support systems. I was kinda addicted to porn to at too young an age, and it used to be so enticing, then one day it just bored me to death and didn't give me any thrill, and I'd joke at the bad acting instead. Back then, I felt disgusting and ill and barely wanted to take care of myself or had the energy. I think it starts with the smallest steps and little rewards. Tomorrow just reward yourself by eating one good thing, or the next day try to lessen the amount of porn you watch. I personally stopped watching videos and switched to just imagining in my head or reading, tbh idk if that's much better, but it feels like ethical gooning. I was very ashamed of myself because I didn't even think girls masturbated to porn or anything, and there was something inherently wrong with me, but ik with men it works a little differently and can be more addictive and hotwired to get you hooked. Reward yourself for the sake of feeling a little bit better and cleaner, not for the sake of anyone else, you come first. Hope this helps.

loll see youre super smart i bet you could have figured out your own question you had earlier :) but thank you for taking the time to read all of that i would have typed more but i try to keep it at a minimum i tend to branch off randomly when i type a lot and for some readers it could be confusing but yeah i really hope we can get better ill keep a look out for your posts i give decent advice id like to think so maybe if you need anything just ask me i can help :)

 

[Gomomon]

loll see youre super smart i bet you could have figured out your own question you had earlier :) but thank you for taking the time to read all of that i would have typed more but i try to keep it at a minimum i tend to branch off randomly when i type a lot and for some readers it could be confusing but yeah i really hope we can get better ill keep a look out for your posts i give decent advice id like to think so maybe if you need anything just ask me i can help :)

Thnks! yes hope we both get better and improve. I think I'm more of an incoherent rambler than an intellect , but ty!, catch you on the forums.