Water-Lily
Enlightened
- Dec 26, 2020
- 1,182
December 10th
December 10th is the last day I can officially move out my stuff back "home"
the toxic hell hole of a place
The day I can officially move out without being charged for the next emester
Each time I try to push myself to be independent and move out and live on my own....I just can't do it
I can't dig deep down into myself and just do it
I don't plan to talk to anyone else about this, outside of my therapist of course
Because I realize when I vent to people I am asking them to tell me what to do
"Go live on campus! Unenmesh yourself from your abusive family and live!!!!"
But of course no matter how people have said it, I just cannot bring myself to commit to it
There's a mental barrier of fear
There's a mental barrier that I am unwilling to process and push through for the betterment off my family
This all makes my self loathing even greater
I told myself I'd move back home because I did not spend a single day on campus this entire semester
So it's a waste of student loans when I already have so much to pay back. Its sickening
Of course, I only want to stay on campus if I know its something I can commit to
If not, then its waste of money
Sigh
December 10th is the last day I can officially move out my stuff back "home"
the toxic hell hole of a place
The day I can officially move out without being charged for the next emester
Each time I try to push myself to be independent and move out and live on my own....I just can't do it
I can't dig deep down into myself and just do it
I don't plan to talk to anyone else about this, outside of my therapist of course
Because I realize when I vent to people I am asking them to tell me what to do
"Go live on campus! Unenmesh yourself from your abusive family and live!!!!"
But of course no matter how people have said it, I just cannot bring myself to commit to it
There's a mental barrier of fear
There's a mental barrier that I am unwilling to process and push through for the betterment off my family
This all makes my self loathing even greater
I told myself I'd move back home because I did not spend a single day on campus this entire semester
So it's a waste of student loans when I already have so much to pay back. Its sickening
Of course, I only want to stay on campus if I know its something I can commit to
If not, then its waste of money
Sigh