Venting I feel like I have to many good thing to be depressed

[padda]

First post:) I have struggled with my mental health for years now, I'm over 18 but still young. From the outside it looks like I have a quite good life (friends,family,school,money etc) but I constantly feel like shit since it feels like my mental health and me, prohibits me from living to my full potential.

My family and friends support me, but I still feel like I have no one to reach out to and that I am a burden to everyone. I feel so lazy and like the worst person ever, because I have so many good things in life but my mental health isn't getting better. Im constantly tired and can't focus on my academics (I am COOKED if I don't get good grades).I'm so worried about the future since I have felt like this for a year straight now, and prior to that I have had periods in my life like one year straight where I have had lots of anxiety and wanted to cbt. Even if it will get better I feel like it will just get worse again, and I don't want to live my life like this.

Depression has taken all my energy and motivation, and is slowly ruining other things in my life.

Now i feel like it's out of control I often have thoughts about cbt, which started of quite mild with just a thought, but since a half year back has progressed to actually trying to take action.

With school, my relationship and my self confidence I plan to do it sometime before summer. My options are hanging or carbon monoxide, but I heard that it is nearly impossible to do it with a modern car so idk.

 

[amomentspeace]

Wow I was just commenting elsewhere about this, we are in the same situation
You're not alone. I would urge you to give it some more time but it's your decision, I hope you find your peace friend.

 

[padda]

Wow I was just commenting elsewhere about this, we are in the same situation
You're not alone. I would urge you to give it some more time but it's your decision, I hope you find your peace friend.

Yeah i know, it feels sad to "throw away" everything but at the same time i cant bear this feeling and i feel like it has gone on for too long. I promised myself this summer that I would stay till next spring, and after reflection I regret it. I don't feel like it was worth it, yes I had good moments but it's nothing compared to the misery. I haven't decided anything yet, but it feels like I have to do it since it feels like things will only be worst, but I obviously still have some hope. I'm graduating this year, and it's supposed to be the best year according to people. And yes it has been fun with traveling and celebrating with friends, but my mental health hasn't gotten any better and it's too much.

 

[amomentspeace]

I'm here if you ever doubt your choice and need someone to talk to. Sometimes its better to talk to a complete stranger about this kinda stuff. It's kind of the whole point of this forum. Be well and remember: You're not alone

 

[padda]

I'm here if you ever doubt your choice and need someone to talk to. Sometimes its better to talk to a complete stranger about this kinda stuff. It's kind of the whole point of this forum. Be well and remember: You're not alone

Thank you I appreciate being felt seen.

 

[grapevoid]

First post:) I have struggled with my mental health for years now, I'm over 18 but still young. From the outside it looks like I have a quite good life (friends,family,school,money etc) but I constantly feel like shit since it feels like my mental health and me, prohibits me from living to my full potential.

My family and friends support me, but I still feel like I have no one to reach out to and that I am a burden to everyone. I feel so lazy and like the worst person ever, because I have so many good things in life but my mental health isn't getting better. Im constantly tired and can't focus on my academics (I am COOKED if I don't get good grades).I'm so worried about the future since I have felt like this for a year straight now, and prior to that I have had periods in my life like one year straight where I have had lots of anxiety and wanted to cbt. Even if it will get better I feel like it will just get worse again, and I don't want to live my life like this.

Depression has taken all my energy and motivation, and is slowly ruining other things in my life.

Now i feel like it's out of control I often have thoughts about cbt, which started of quite mild with just a thought, but since a half year back has progressed to actually trying to take action.

With school, my relationship and my self confidence I plan to do it sometime before summer. My options are hanging or carbon monoxide, but I heard that it is nearly impossible to do it with a modern car so idk.

I get this so much. I have too, throughout my life, felt very guilty about my depression. After all, I have a lot to live for and much more than a lot of people. Still, it doesn't heal my depression and the normal responses of "but your life is so great" etc etc only compound it, make me feel more guilty and in turn make my depression worse.

Side note: high school and my first year of college were hands down theeee worst years of my life. I'm not sure who these people are that are telling you it's the best year, but absolutely false for me!

Have you been able to receive any kind of non medication treatment for your depression and anxiety?

 

[platypus77]

I'm familiar with the feeling.

Sometimes I think the excessive privileges that had being given to me made me weaker. I literally have no excuse (in the material sense) to be depressed and it might be actually the reason for it.

Medication doesn't seem to improve my depression, maybe the Vyvanse helped with motivation but I've decided to not take any medication anymore.

But I have heard from professionals that the guilt is a common occurrence among depressive people.

 

[Outofoptions1]

It's all subjective.

 

[padda]

I get this so much. I have too, throughout my life, felt very guilty about my depression. After all, I have a lot to live for and much more than a lot of people. Still, it doesn't heal my depression and the normal responses of "but your life is so great" etc etc only compound it, make me feel more guilty and in turn make my depression worse.

Side note: high school and my first year of college were hands down theeee worst years of my life. I'm not sure who these people are that are telling you it's the best year, but absolutely false for me!

Have you been able to receive any kind of non medication treatment for your depression and anxiety?

Yeah it's such a weird cycle of guilt, since depression causes guilt and guilt just worsens it.

Yes since 5 years back I have on/off talked to professionals. Last year I started attending Cognitive behaviour therapy, and my therapist has been one of the few I have connected with. I have seen a psychiatrist for meds but, we agreed to wait till I'm done with school. Honestly my new hospital has been great, but I still have a hard time with making progress. It has helped a bit, for example validating me( I got my diagnosis) but at the same time it has made me realise that no one can help me, and that I have to do it myself which is hard. I read a lot of psychology in school, so I feel like I know a lot of things but I still can't apply it on myself. Which again just makes me feel worse.

 

[amomentspeace]

But I have heard from professionals that the guilt is a common occurrence among depressive people.

That's interesting. I never got any kind of mental health treatment, except when I got forced have sessions with a therapist I hated. I hope to get some soon (my mother doesn't believe in mental health)

I read a lot of psychology in school, so I feel like I know a lot of things but I still can't apply it on myself. Which again just makes me feel worse.

I understand you. I love to read Marcus Aurelius, Seneca and Epictetus, but I mostly fail trying to apply their philosophy in my day to day

 

[longlifetolive]

I am in shock right now because of how similar your situation is to mine, every word you wrote is almost identical to my life. Its insane. I "should" have a great life, but Inside ive been falling to pieces. The only light I see is ctb, my depression and anxiety make it so hard for me to operate on a daily basis. Every single day I think about it but i cant do that to my family, they have supported me so much, I have been so incredibly close to going through with it, but always stopped myself. I understand you padda.

 

[padda]

That's interesting. I never got any kind of mental health treatment, except when I got forced have sessions with a therapist I hated. I hope to get some soon (my mother doesn't believe in mental health)

I'm sorry for you I hope you can get help, it must be really tough when your parents don't want to give you the help you deserve. You will meet both bad and good therapist, but don't give up on that.

I am a humanities girl, but I have such a hard time with philosophy though it is interesting.

 

[amomentspeace]

I'm sorry for you I hope you can get help, it must be really tough when your parents don't want to give you the help you deserve. You will meet both bad and good therapist, but don't give up on that.

Yes, I am keen on getting myself a therapist. I was forced to when someone reported my self harm scars to the school. I hope I can find a decent therapist in the country I live in

I am a humanities girl, but I have such a hard time with philosophy though it is interesting.

I'm a maths/CS person but I love reading about philosophy as a hobby. I'm too illiterate to understand more complex philosophers like Nietzsche.

 

[padda]

I am in shock right now because of how similar your situation is to mine, every word you wrote is almost identical to my life. Its insane. I "should" have a great life, but Inside ive been falling to pieces. The only light I see is ctb, my depression and anxiety make it so hard for me to operate on a daily basis. Every single day I think about it but i cant do that to my family, they have supported me so much, I have been so incredibly close to going through with it, but always stopped myself. I understand you padda.

It's refreshing to know I'm not alone. I often think about how much another person would be able to accomplish if they had my life. I feel like I don't deserve this. I hope it will get better since, I know that I have so many great things, but I wonder if I ever will be satisfied since I already have so many good things. Reach out if you want to talk more.

Yes, I am keen on getting myself a therapist. I was forced to when someone reported my self harm scars to the school. I hope I can find a decent therapist in the country I live in


I'm a maths/CS person but I love reading about philosophy as a hobby. I'm too illiterate to understand more complex philosophers like Nietzsche.

Yeah it sucks being forced to talk to someone, but I get how worried people around you were. I saw you post about worry over the political state of the world right now and I agree with you. I don't know where you live but I hope you will stay safe. I'm from a neighbouring country to Russia so I will always be worried.
Btw I really like stem people.

 

[grapevoid]

Yeah it's such a weird cycle of guilt, since depression causes guilt and guilt just worsens it.

Yes since 5 years back I have on/off talked to professionals. Last year I started attending Cognitive behaviour therapy, and my therapist has been one of the few I have connected with. I have seen a psychiatrist for meds but, we agreed to wait till I'm done with school. Honestly my new hospital has been great, but I still have a hard time with making progress. It has helped a bit, for example validating me( I got my diagnosis) but at the same time it has made me realise that no one can help me, and that I have to do it myself which is hard. I read a lot of psychology in school, so I feel like I know a lot of things but I still can't apply it on myself. Which again just makes me feel worse.

It can be very hard, depression is tricky because logically you know what you should do to help your mood but depression strips the motivation to do it.

No matter how much you learn, that will always be the case. It's much harder to apply to yourself. But one thing you have on your side is that you are quite young, and it's possible with time if you keep working at it, you may be able to do more of the things just naturally as your brain develops. I've found talk therapy not only useless but counterproductive for me.

I wonder if once the stress of school is out of the way, if it'll be a bit easier?

I hope you enjoy the site and find community here!

 

[amomentspeace]

Yeah it sucks being forced to talk to someone, but I get how worried people around you were. I saw you post about worry over the political state of the world right now and I agree with you. I don't know where you live but I hope you will stay safe. I'm from a neighbouring country to Russia so I will always be worried.
Btw I really like stem people.

I hope you stay safe !! If WWIII does start and the internet goes dark know that my thoughts will be with you

 

[longlifetolive]

I know that I have so many great things, but I wonder if I ever will be satisfied since I already have so many good things.

I have so much wealth and support from the people around me it sometimes makes me confused as to why i am this way. I genuinely think that If my brain was swapped with someone elses' I would have one of the best lives possible.

 

[padda]

It can be very hard, depression is tricky because logically you know what you should do to help your mood but depression strips the motivation to do it.

No matter how much you learn, that will always be the case. It's much harder to apply to yourself. But one thing you have on your side is that you are quite young, and it's possible with time if you keep working at it, you may be able to do more of the things just naturally as your brain develops. I've found talk therapy not only useless but counterproductive for me.

I wonder if once the stress of school is out of the way, if it'll be a bit easier?

I hope you enjoy the site and find community here!

Thank you so much, venting here really calmed me for tonight and I will definitely take with me what you said. I hope that it will get better as I get a bit older. Even if I feel like this, I have things I want to do. It helps getting support from people that somewhat can understand. It really helped me tonight, I appreciate it.

 

[alliecake]

Wow this is so relatable our stories are so similar. Know that you're not alone and if you ever need someone to talk to I'm here.

 

[usernamenoonecares]

I am pretty much in the same boat except having a supportive family but I get a lot money from them. Also just found a job recently with really good pay. But also I am at the moment that I have all the kits to help me ctb. And I am seriously considering go through ctb this month before the job starts. I just feel like everything is meaningless and boring. Even if I work and make money, it is for what? I can't see anything happens beyong a month or so. I feel so empty.