Venting I feel like I failure, I chickened out.

[HoleintheDark]

I had everything I needed, I found a perfect place where nobody would even consider looking into my car. I kept trying and trying to get the method right, but it didn't work even as I kept pulling the cable tighter. Instead of following through with it, I just sent a message to my mom telling her what I tried to do. I definitely won't be getting another chance after this. She'll probably force me to move back home.

Why couldn't I do it, or at least keep trying? It definitely wasn't SI, I hadn't even gotten to the point where it would have hurt.

 

[SadPingu]

We're designed to fight for survival at all costs. You aren't a failure.

 

[SVEN]

I guess it just means that, no matter how you though you felt, you weren't read to take this final step, from which there can be no return.
That's okay, please don't beat yourself up or judge yourself badly over it. We're all very complex beings, quite capable of desiring conflicting things at the same time.
Be kind to yourself and take more time to settle down and try to work out how you truly feel and where from here, perhaps.
Best wishes.

 

[RejectedKarma]

I do believe that our minds have to somehow break through all the anti-suicide walls that society inserts somehow in our core beliefs. The stigma around suicide is massive, we have been exposed to it and in the act of doing it we have to battle that too.
I'm sorry you're going through this, I'm thinking how much were you in that moment and how much your thoughts were in the past/future actually distracting you...just an hypothesis

 

[NightshadeDreamer]

Sometimes these things happen and you can't help it. Don't feel bad because you couldn't push through. Maybe you're meant to be here a bit longer.

 

[FuneralCry]

I guess that after all suicide just isn't straightforward in this world, to me it's actually something very difficult. But anyway I wish you the best in whatever happens going forward.

 

[Ephemeral_sunshine]

I had everything I needed, I found a perfect place where nobody would even consider looking into my car. I kept trying and trying to get the method right, but it didn't work even as I kept pulling the cable tighter. Instead of following through with it, I just sent a message to my mom telling her what I tried to do. I definitely won't be getting another chance after this. She'll probably force me to move back home.

Why couldn't I do it, or at least keep trying? It definitely wasn't SI, I hadn't even gotten to the point where it would have hurt.

I chickened out today too. I don't know why. You're not alone in this