Hunterer
Member
- May 13, 2024
- 73
Every now and then, due to insomnia, I switch day and night and I can't regulate my sleep schedule, so I sleep during the day and stay awake during the night, and the same process keeps repeating itself until my sleep schedule is automatically regulated.
However, I like the night. I like to spend the nights awake because I feel a brief sense of peace. Everything is calm, quiet and my family is sleeping, that is, there is no way for them to make noise, there are no fights, there are no arguments, there is just great calm and I can enjoy this calm by listening to music and doing other little things.
When the morning comes and the sun starts to rise, I feel uneasy for some reason... But maybe it's because I know that the same day will repeat itself over and over again...
During the day, I have to deal with family arguments and fights, I have to listen to them yelling and cursing openly about their own problems...
Seriously, I understand that they have serious problems to solve, but after 18 years of living in an environment like this, I started to get tired of it, tired of them and everything around me...
I wish I had an occupation and could do something to distract myself and get away from this environment, but I can't because of my various problems, such as depression, anxiety, and so on... Anyway, I wouldn't be able to find a job so easily, because I'm not functional enough for society and I don't like to leave the house, I'm living isolated, basically...
I'm living isolated, without friends, I spend hours and hours surfing the internet, watching random news and other irrelevant things that won't contribute anything to my life, but that They will only serve as a temporary distraction.
I'm living a sad life, and not even here on this site can I form connections or anything like that, but I think at this point, it's kind of irrelevant, since I'm going to CTB at some point.
I'm only here because this is the only place where people (maybe) care at least a little about me and what I say, and I can talk openly about how I feel, without being called crazy or frowned upon by society. After all, I'm suicidal, and the urge to kill myself grows stronger and stronger...
Living a lonely life, with practically no friends and living in a chaotic house, is torturous, to say the least...
Every day that passes, I feel more and more like a zombie and my energy is slowly running out...
But I can't let this energy run out completely. I have to save a reserve, a part of my energy for when I put my ctb method into practice, something that makes me anxious, but at the same time, happy.
Right now, I just feel like a zombie, and nothing more than that... The routine... The cycle always repeats itself, and I'm just living for the sake of living... Does anyone else feel like this, like a zombie ? Just wandering and living without direction or purpose...
However, I like the night. I like to spend the nights awake because I feel a brief sense of peace. Everything is calm, quiet and my family is sleeping, that is, there is no way for them to make noise, there are no fights, there are no arguments, there is just great calm and I can enjoy this calm by listening to music and doing other little things.
When the morning comes and the sun starts to rise, I feel uneasy for some reason... But maybe it's because I know that the same day will repeat itself over and over again...
During the day, I have to deal with family arguments and fights, I have to listen to them yelling and cursing openly about their own problems...
Seriously, I understand that they have serious problems to solve, but after 18 years of living in an environment like this, I started to get tired of it, tired of them and everything around me...
I wish I had an occupation and could do something to distract myself and get away from this environment, but I can't because of my various problems, such as depression, anxiety, and so on... Anyway, I wouldn't be able to find a job so easily, because I'm not functional enough for society and I don't like to leave the house, I'm living isolated, basically...
I'm living isolated, without friends, I spend hours and hours surfing the internet, watching random news and other irrelevant things that won't contribute anything to my life, but that They will only serve as a temporary distraction.
I'm living a sad life, and not even here on this site can I form connections or anything like that, but I think at this point, it's kind of irrelevant, since I'm going to CTB at some point.
I'm only here because this is the only place where people (maybe) care at least a little about me and what I say, and I can talk openly about how I feel, without being called crazy or frowned upon by society. After all, I'm suicidal, and the urge to kill myself grows stronger and stronger...
Living a lonely life, with practically no friends and living in a chaotic house, is torturous, to say the least...
Every day that passes, I feel more and more like a zombie and my energy is slowly running out...
But I can't let this energy run out completely. I have to save a reserve, a part of my energy for when I put my ctb method into practice, something that makes me anxious, but at the same time, happy.
Right now, I just feel like a zombie, and nothing more than that... The routine... The cycle always repeats itself, and I'm just living for the sake of living... Does anyone else feel like this, like a zombie ? Just wandering and living without direction or purpose...
