I feel like a failure.

[fiber-limb]

I feel like a failure.
Or, more accurately, I feel like I am predestined to fail. I feel as though the things I desire will not come to fruition and that I am doomed to live in the way I am right now. My mood swings have been mostly taken care of, but my thoughts still drive me crazy. Concerns and desires, it's all too much.

My life is going nowhere, I am 22, soon to be 23, with no skills applicable to life around me in the way society wants, and no way to proceed forward. I am not in school, and I doubt I would do well in school. I don't have a girlfriend, and I don't have many friends period. I am poor, nearly destitute, with only around a grand in savings. I want to end it all and fade away, be a forgotten footnote in the hum of society. I embarrass myself so much, and I feel hot burning shame so often. My chest feels cold, and tight, and my skin feels hot and fiery.

I want people to care about me, and the things I create. But I just don't see a path forward that facilitates that. I want a woman to love me, someone I can fall in love with and subsequently lose myself in. Someone to dedicate my life and thoughts to. But for some reason, girls just seem not to like me. I think it's because I'm ugly, and have behavioral issues. It felt good to write this out. Idk.

I'd like to kill myself early December. Thoughts and comments would be greatly appreciated, as I am feeling incredibly lonely tonight.
addendum: does anybody else here make art or music? if so, please send it. the picture i linked is not my art, just something to add.
I need someone to care

 

[whywere]

1st off, I CARE ABOUT YOU so very much. as YOU ARE a valuable, caring and loving spirit, as your thread screams that, it REALLY does.

Quickly, I started out at 18 with a bag of clothes, NO money, NO food, NO shelter, nothing and I was determined to prove others that I HAD value and all these decades later, yep, I have done well and so will YOU, as I believe in you 100%, no B.S. ever with me, what you see and read is me and you ARE WONDERFUL!

Please try and not be so hard on yourself, as you are family here and I care and want the very best for you now and always.

I LOVE EDM music, yep, I am 69 years young and EDM makes my heart sing, so lively and upbeat.

You are NEVER EVER alone here, and I wrap my arms around you and give you a HUGE hug, to let you know that you ARE such a valuable soul.

SaSu is about family, and YOU really are family here now and always.

Hugs, love and the knowledge that you ARE cared about.

Walter

 

[UnoriginalName21]

I feel like a failure.
Or, more accurately, I feel like I am predestined to fail. I feel as though the things I desire will not come to fruition and that I am doomed to live in the way I am right now. My mood swings have been mostly taken care of, but my thoughts still drive me crazy. Concerns and desires, it's all too much.

My life is going nowhere, I am 22, soon to be 23, with no skills applicable to life around me in the way society wants, and no way to proceed forward. I am not in school, and I doubt I would do well in school. I don't have a girlfriend, and I don't have many friends period. I am poor, nearly destitute, with only around a grand in savings. I want to end it all and fade away, be a forgotten footnote in the hum of society. I embarrass myself so much, and I feel hot burning shame so often. My chest feels cold, and tight, and my skin feels hot and fiery.

I want people to care about me, and the things I create. But I just don't see a path forward that facilitates that. I want a woman to love me, someone I can fall in love with and subsequently lose myself in. Someone to dedicate my life and thoughts to. But for some reason, girls just seem not to like me. I think it's because I'm ugly, and have behavioral issues. It felt good to write this out. Idk.

I'd like to kill myself early December. Thoughts and comments would be greatly appreciated, as I am feeling incredibly lonely tonight.
addendum: does anybody else here make art or music? if so, please send it. the picture i linked is not my art, just something to add.
I need someone to care

I feel like a failure too. People treat me like some sort of prodigy but I have no ambitions or prospects.

This is some art I made in desmos but the medium kinda just reminds me of how much of a depressed ass disappointment I am. At least you arent alone in this shit lol.

 

[fiber-limb]

1st off, I CARE ABOUT YOU so very much. as YOU ARE a valuable, caring and loving spirit, as your thread screams that, it REALLY does.

Quickly, I started out at 18 with a bag of clothes, NO money, NO food, NO shelter, nothing and I was determined to prove others that I HAD value and all these decades later, yep, I have done well and so will YOU, as I believe in you 100%, no B.S. ever with me, what you see and read is me and you ARE WONDERFUL!

Please try and not be so hard on yourself, as you are family here and I care and want the very best for you now and always.

I LOVE EDM music, yep, I am 69 years young and EDM makes my heart sing, so lively and upbeat.

You are NEVER EVER alone here, and I wrap my arms around you and give you a HUGE hug, to let you know that you ARE such a valuable soul.

SaSu is about family, and YOU really are family here now and always.

Hugs, love and the knowledge that you ARE cared about.

Walter

you are wonderful walter, thank you for the kind messages. What sort of edm do you listen to? i've been enjoying fred again, floating points, bicep, etc.

I feel like a failure too. People treat me like some sort of prodigy but I have no ambitions or prospects.

This is some art I made in desmos but the medium kinda just reminds me of how much of a depressed ass disappointment I am. At least you arent alone in this shit lol.
View attachment 184351

This is absolutely gorgeous omg! you made this using math??? can you share more??

1st off, I CARE ABOUT YOU so very much. as YOU ARE a valuable, caring and loving spirit, as your thread screams that, it REALLY does.

Quickly, I started out at 18 with a bag of clothes, NO money, NO food, NO shelter, nothing and I was determined to prove others that I HAD value and all these decades later, yep, I have done well and so will YOU, as I believe in you 100%, no B.S. ever with me, what you see and read is me and you ARE WONDERFUL!

Please try and not be so hard on yourself, as you are family here and I care and want the very best for you now and always.

I LOVE EDM music, yep, I am 69 years young and EDM makes my heart sing, so lively and upbeat.

You are NEVER EVER alone here, and I wrap my arms around you and give you a HUGE hug, to let you know that you ARE such a valuable soul.

SaSu is about family, and YOU really are family here now and always.

Hugs, love and the knowledge that you ARE cared about.

Walter

I keep re-reading this, thank you so much. you're clearly very passionate and loving and I appreciate it more than you know.

 

[UnoriginalName21]

you are wonderful walter, thank you for the kind messages. What sort of edm do you listen to? i've been enjoying fred again, floating points, bicep, etc.

This is absolutely gorgeous omg! you made this using math??? can you share more??

I keep re-reading this, thank you so much. you're clearly very passionate and loving and I appreciate it more than you know.

Yeah sure heres something else I was making. Kind of lost motivation halfway through lmao

 

[whywere]

you are wonderful walter, thank you for the kind messages. What sort of edm do you listen to? i've been enjoying fred again, floating points, bicep, etc.

This is absolutely gorgeous omg! you made this using math??? can you share more??

I like everything from the usual David Guetta, Above and Beyond, Eric Prydz, Paul van Dyk, Markus Schulz, Cash Cash, Klee, Dezza, and a lot more.

Thank you for the thoughtful message and have a wonderful day!

Walter

 

[fiber-limb]

View attachment 184365
Yeah sure heres something else I was making. Kind of lost motivation halfway through lmao

Can you explain your process??? These are so striking, how do you make them? Even half finished this is gorgeous. I especially love the bottom left corner.

I like everything from the usual David Guetta, Above and Beyond, Eric Prydz, Paul van Dyk, Markus Schulz, Cash Cash, Klee, Dezza, and a lot more.

Thank you for the thoughtful message and have a wonderful day!

Walter

Wow! I have to admit, I don't think I've heard any of these. I'll give them a listen in the morning. Right now, I'm about to go to sleep. Here's a dance song I made. I like to listen to it while I cry.

 

[los3r]

we are all winners even being losers, its just our point of view

 

[UnoriginalName21]

Can you explain your process??? These are so striking, how do you make them? Even half finished this is gorgeous. I especially love the bottom left corner.

Wow! I have to admit, I don't think I've heard any of these. I'll give them a listen in the morning. Right now, I'm about to go to sleep. Here's a dance song I made. I like to listen to it while I cry.

I use Beziers to draw the basic shapes and then use a type of parametric noise for the finer details. After that I turn it all into polygons using a list to optimize it. (Idk how much of that makes sense)

 

[fiber-limb]

its just our point of view

Sure, but there's plenty of people who die and nobody minds. there's plenty of men who die virgins. plenty of men who slip through the cracks, especially now. it's nobody in particular's fault, it's just difficult to find your way as a young man right now. just because there are more women doesn't necessarily mean i will find one who is willing to out up with me, right? idk, it feels like i am predestined to fail. not just me, many men my age, many people my age.

also, due to my family history, lsd is not an option for me. though i do need to exercise more regularly.

I use Beziers to draw the basic shapes and then use a type of parametric noise for the finer details. After that I turn it all into polygons using a list to optimize it. (Idk how much of that makes sense)

Most of it went over my head but it sounds fascinating regardless. You should showcase your process and make some prints. it's certainly lovely stuff! please share more if you feel comfortable.


i want a wife who will love me for 1,000,000+ years. i want a wife who i can fall into and obsess over.

 

[UnoriginalName21]

Sure, but there's plenty of people who die and nobody minds. there's plenty of men who die virgins. plenty of men who slip through the cracks, especially now. it's nobody in particular's fault, it's just difficult to find your way as a young man right now. just because there are more women doesn't necessarily mean i will find one who is willing to out up with me, right? idk, it feels like i am predestined to fail. not just me, many men my age, many people my age.

also, due to my family history, lsd is not an option for me. though i do need to exercise more regularly.

Most of it went over my head but it sounds fascinating regardless. You should showcase your process and make some prints. it's certainly lovely stuff! please share more if you feel comfortable.


i want a wife who will love me for 1,000,000+ years. i want a wife who i can fall into and obsess over.

Last one im prob gonna show off but my most impressive nonetheless

 

[fiber-limb]

View attachment 184368Last one im prob gonna show off but my most impressive nonetheless

Is that recreating a borderland's screenshot?

i need a wife for 10000000 years, and then i will be truly happy.

 

[UnoriginalName21]

Is that recreating a borderland's screenshot?

Its borderlands fanart but not a screenshot (Helios never fires at pandora only elpis) (also goddamn im a nerd)