I feel like a failure to victims of abuse

[Water-Lily]

The best thing for me to do is to get my drivers license so I can live in PA on my own. In my "family' vacant house. I would, I want to. But the requires getting out of bed and facing my traumas. Facing the abuse around me. Facing my traumas, my fears, and putting myself out into the world. Doing basic thigns like buying something leaves me panicking. Its easier to stay in bed and cry about how bad my life is than to take responsibility and fight. I am now rejecting helpful gestures and pushes for positivity. I am distancing myself from my friends because I choose to be an abuse victim and stay than do everything I need to to leave. I feel so drained, and it feels hard.

I admire everyone who has managed to escape their abusive homes. Anywhere is better than toxic family. I feel ashamed I can't even do that. I feel ashamed all I was able to do is cry and eat and sleep all day. I hate myself for being comfortable in abuse/fear. I hate myself for being comfortable in the toxic family system. I hate myself...for not being strong enough to leave....and thinking of suicide as an answer

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are in such an awful situation, I can imagine that it must be unbearable to be suffering so much. I hope you find relief from your pain in whatever happens.

 

[its-about-time]

Trauma bonding is real and many people go through it. I'd say anybody who has stayed in an abusive relationship willing, be it family after you're an adult or a romantic relationship, has experienced traumatic bonding… it doesn't mean things are hopeless, but it is certainly a deep dark pit to crawl out of, and I know you're tired. I'm sorry you're here.

 

[Water-Lily]

Trauma bonding is real and many people go through it. I'd say anybody who has stayed in an abusive relationship willing, be it family after you're an adult or a romantic relationship, has experienced traumatic bonding… it doesn't mean things are hopeless, but it is certainly a deep dark pit to crawl out of, and I know you're tired. I'm sorry you're here.

thanks. I just feel like so tired and weak. I am now more self aware than ever before, but it feels like I should have left long ago and I feel bad for not doing it earlier

 

[its-about-time]

thanks. I just feel like so tired and weak. I am now more self aware than ever before, but it feels like I should have left long ago and I feel bad for not doing it earlier

Hindsight is difficult to face. It helps us learn from our past, but it also can really bring a lot of shame and guilt with it. I had an economics teacher who always said "people make the best decisions they can, given the information they have" and I thought that was really wise and applicable beyond economic principles. You stayed because it was the best choice given the information you had. Hindsight provides new information, and now you get to reassess your choice.

 

[Water-Lily]

Hindsight is difficult to face. It helps us learn from our past, but it also can really bring a lot of shame and guilt with it. I had an economics teacher who always said "people make the best decisions they can, given the information they have" and I thought that was really wise and applicable beyond economic principles. You stayed because it was the best choice given the information you had. Hindsight provides new information, and now you get to reassess your choice.

Yeah. I want to get my drivers license so I can be on my own in PA

 

[its-about-time]

Yeah. I want to get my drivers license so I can be on my own in PA

That's a great goal :) Things feel much less overwhelming if you break up what you want to achieve into smaller goals. Maybe you could figure out the steps you need to take to get your drivers license and start there. Then once you accomplish that goal, start figuring out steps to moving to PA. It takes patience but feels good to be working towards realistic goals.

 

[Water-Lily]

That's a great goal :) Things feel much less overwhelming if you break up what you want to achieve into smaller goals. Maybe you could figure out the steps you need to take to get your drivers license and start there. Then once you accomplish that goal, start figuring out steps to moving to PA. It takes patience but feels good to be working towards realistic goals.

I'll make sure to pass the online practice tests. From there I can do my permit test.

 

[TheWood]

I know what it's like to have the misfortune of being born into a toxic family. The family should be a place of understanding and support and not a place full of problems

 

[Water-Lily]

I know what it's like to have the misfortune of being born into a toxic family. The family should be a place of understanding and support and not a place full of problems

I just feel like my life is destined for pain because of it. I'd rather just die

 

[TheWood]

I just feel like my life is destined for pain because of it. I'd rather just die

Unfortunately, the bond with the blood family cannot be erased, this is the problem. The leftovers in one way or another you'll always carry them with you