Discussion I feel if I don't do it "impulsively" I'll be stuck forever. (it's not impulse as much as being tipped over edge)

[Worthless_nobody]

When I say impulsive I mean when something pushes me over the edge..no I don't mean run out and ctb over one thing that can be fixed. I have been suicidal since 14 so this is a very well thought out and panned decision for me (I'm late 20s).

I just can't believe EVERY time I feel ready and confident and no fear I don't hsve my preferred method physically with me (I'm just caring in purse from here out I guess). And my hesitation doesn't come me from me not being ready it's my mom...I know it will kill her so I have sat it hellish limbo for over 6 years for her...clinging by a thread for her. Also for my dog but I hope he serves as comfort to her when I'm gone. I'm just sad I missed another push me over the edge opportunity due to not having my method physically with me...but if I predict right there will be another huge huge tipping point in my life coming soon so I'll wait for that. I just can't be stuck here forever in misery. Anyone else exist purely for the sake ofv existing because of their mothers?

 

[limpingtowardfreedom]

I'm sorry your life is so hard.

If you have to do it impulsively to do it at all, you may simply just not be ready. Our bodies and subconscious often know more than we do in these circumstances. It is okay to not kill yourself, it is not a failure. Take time, think hard, and look at ways you might live less painfully if that is what it turns out you are meant to do.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I'm sorry your life is so hard.

If you have to do it impulsively to do it at all, you may simply just not be ready. Our bodies and subconscious often know more than we do in these circumstances. It is okay to not kill yourself, it is not a failure. Take time, think hard, and look at ways you might live less painfully if that is what it turns out you are meant to do.

I'm ready I been planning this for years...it's just that If I'm not tipped over the edge I'll never do it...I'll just sit in miserly limbo wasting away. I wish I could set a date but I can't.

 

[Depressive1995]

For some time I thought my mother would be the main reason not to do it but now I know this is by far not the main reason. Which is survival instinct in form of anxiety and desperate hope ect. It is so terrible

 

[Depressive1995]

I'm ready I been planning this for years...it's just that If I'm not tipped over the edge I'll never do it...I'll just sit in miserly limbo wasting away. I wish I could set a date but I can't.

Like me, I find this the absolute worst