Blue Rose
Student
- Feb 6, 2021
- 156
1. Yesterday, someone approached me for asking whether I was fine or not privately.
I was touched, but also embarrassed.
2. Yesterday, people asked me about 'the reasonable reason' why I would like to CTB openly or privately.
They refuted my all argument, so I was shocked and confused. Eventually, I cried for one hour.
Although they told me they had no intention to stop or persuade me. It was HURT.
Even the persons who had made ready for CTB asked that and refuted me.
But I COULD understand them. If I catch the bus, there will be NO second chance anymore.
They might know the weight of my choice and life than I might.
3. I am glad to join in this website. Finally I meet people who are not hypocrites.
Most people are kind and honest, they do their best so I can feel I am being cured.
Even my parents and my doctor couldn't clinch like that.
And in this site, I throw away all dangerous impulse and old, old depression...
4. I think I have the right to end my life on my accord. That's my determined point.
I never know the reason why I should live on, never want to know that.
After the event I underwent yesterday, I feel relieved more.
In my case, life and death is equal. In fact, I have initiated my end secretly.
But I won't CTB in this year at least, maybe in 2022. I have to do my tasks first.
I have to do my best also. I have to minimise sorrow felt by my loved ones in the future.
I feel I must try to do my last challenge. I feel I must fiercely burn before snuffing out forever.
I am going to study subject I love, I am going to find my job, I am going to prepare the present for my beloved.
5. Thanks to all who advised me against to die of exposure unwisely. I remember them even now.
I will correct plans in spare moments, anyway I am sure I will make a decision without any remorse and regret.
I was touched, but also embarrassed.
2. Yesterday, people asked me about 'the reasonable reason' why I would like to CTB openly or privately.
They refuted my all argument, so I was shocked and confused. Eventually, I cried for one hour.
Although they told me they had no intention to stop or persuade me. It was HURT.
Even the persons who had made ready for CTB asked that and refuted me.
But I COULD understand them. If I catch the bus, there will be NO second chance anymore.
They might know the weight of my choice and life than I might.
3. I am glad to join in this website. Finally I meet people who are not hypocrites.
Most people are kind and honest, they do their best so I can feel I am being cured.
Even my parents and my doctor couldn't clinch like that.
And in this site, I throw away all dangerous impulse and old, old depression...
4. I think I have the right to end my life on my accord. That's my determined point.
I never know the reason why I should live on, never want to know that.
After the event I underwent yesterday, I feel relieved more.
In my case, life and death is equal. In fact, I have initiated my end secretly.
But I won't CTB in this year at least, maybe in 2022. I have to do my tasks first.
I have to do my best also. I have to minimise sorrow felt by my loved ones in the future.
I feel I must try to do my last challenge. I feel I must fiercely burn before snuffing out forever.
I am going to study subject I love, I am going to find my job, I am going to prepare the present for my beloved.
5. Thanks to all who advised me against to die of exposure unwisely. I remember them even now.
I will correct plans in spare moments, anyway I am sure I will make a decision without any remorse and regret.
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