I feel guilty that I can't make it on my own

[Thisgirlwantstosleep]

I can't just get a job and try and make it in this world.

My BPD and my appearance make it impossible to hold down a job; because I'm ugly and look frail and weak people always try to start shit with me, then because of my BPD I have an angry outburst which causes further problems.

I have OCD so I can't just get roommates.

I'm a very anxious and paranoid person.

Im surviving off of government benefits right now which allows me to live on my own but I definitely don't want to for the rest of my life.

I can't afford to move so I'm stuck in this tiny studio. If I don't stay here I'll have to move back in with family.

I don't want to but renting when you're on benefits is awful especially being a young person for reasons I can't be asked to disclose.

I'll never be able to afford my own place in this city because the chances of me getting a high paying fancy job in my condition is 0.

I have no job history other than shitty retail, I can't work anyway. I don't have any hobbies or go out anywhere because of my Body Dysmorphia and the fact I have no friends. I hate myself, can't handle stress at all. I'm not exactly a shining candidate.

The older I get the more I'm beginning to realise just how much my family has crippled me but in my current state I have no choice but to rely on them.

The only social interaction I have is with my family. My mum takes me shopping most of the time because I can't go by myself.

I feel so trapped.

I wish everything was different.

 

[Beachedwhale]

I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds similar to my situation except I'm at home and want to move out. I also feel very trapped and am struggling with physical fatigue and pain. I don't think appearance matters as much as personality and attitude. I have gaps in my CV which is shit...as long as you have no gaps in your CV perhaps you could apply to higher paying jobs using skills you've acquired in your retail jobs?

It seems like you're in the UK? May I ask where exactly? Are you affording your flat right now through work and benefits and if so how did you get on them? I'm asking as I'm interested in moving out but it's too expensive where I am but I really need to move for mental health. You can PM me if you want to keep it private.

 

[Thisgirlwantstosleep]

don't think appearance matters as much as personality and attitude.

I don't agree with this at all. Most people wouldn't understand because they're at least average but I've been through some horrendous shit because of my appearance. I've been called ugly plenty of times. I also have BDD which is because of all the things people have said to me. It's not something I want to debate with anyone.

I have gaps in my CV which is shit...as long as you have no gaps in your CV perhaps you could apply to higher paying jobs using skills you've acquired in your retail jobs?

I have a huge gap. Haven't worked in a while. I also refuse to work in retail again because I'll probably end up killing someone. My true aspiration is to have my own online business and work for myself because being around others when you have BPD is near impossible. Well for me anyway. I have all this pent up anger from all of the bullshit I've endured in life and if anyone is nasty to me I LOSE IT. Actually got fired from a job because of that a while ago. I don't mind working. I just hate people.

It seems like you're in the UK? May I ask where exactly? Are you affording your flat right now through work and benefits and if so how did you get on them? I'm asking as I'm interested in moving out but it's too expensive where I am but I really need to move for mental health. You can PM me if you want to keep it private.

I'm in London. I'm on PIP at the moment which allows me to live by myself because people under 35 aren't entitled to the 1 bedroom rate of the housing element through universal credit, unless they're classed as disabled, which I am. I'm on PIP due to my mental health issues. That in itself comes with a lot of invalidation, people thinking you're lying or scamming because young people can't be ill apparently and mental illness is seen as a joke that you can eat, pray and gym away.

Been a nightmare renting on benefits because no one wants to rent to anyone on DSS and that whole process (people putting the phone down on me, saying I'm lying because people my age aren't entitled to housing benefit, which you are if you're disabled, people asking me when my entitlement is going to end as if I fucking know.) gave me even more trauma which has made me feel even more suicidal.

If there was any chance of rehabilitation before that, it's fucking nil now because of that dehumanising process.

The only way my quality of life will improve is if I get plastic surgery which I'm planning on doing. It's all very stressful to think about and organise and honestly swallowing a glass of SN would be easier.

Housing is terrible in this country.

You could go to your council with a written letter saying your parents are going to kick you out then request temporary accommodation. They'll probably offer you a room in a shitty hostel where you typically have to share facilities. If you're working with a mental health professional you could ask them to write you a letter requesting that you have a self contained unit.

I did that and stupidly didn't take it for various reasons which I'm now regretting, because honestly I don't see myself being able to make it in this society and a flat with subsidised rent where I just have a part time job would have been the best for me.

But I was young, impulsive, had OCD and the room they offered me was cramped and nasty and the housing officer told me I'd have to live there for 6/7 years because that's how long the wait is for a council .You also have to move in straight away, spend everyday there, can't stay at anyone's house for more than 3 days, have a curfew, have to sign in and out when you leave, and in some places you have people knocking on your door or trying to break in. Tell any mentally ill young person they're going to spend their "prime" in a shitty hostel you're not exactly going to get a rational response.

I know a lot more now than I knew then such as the fact that you can actually request to be moved to a different hostel but that housing officer was particularly nasty. I had to beg her to try and let me clean the place because of my OCD and she was very reluctant to do it.

Anyway I let my mind and short sightedness get the best of me and didn't take it. To be honest there's no guarantee that I would have stayed there because it was quite overwhelming.

Anyway I ended up private renting instead.

 

[Beachedwhale]

I have a huge gap. Haven't worked in a while. I also refuse to work in retail again because I'll probably end up killing someone. My true aspiration is to have my own online business and work for myself because being around others when you have BPD is near impossible. Well for me anyway. I have all this pent up anger from all of the bullshit I've endured in life and if anyone is nasty to me I LOSE IT. Actually got fired from a job because of that a while ago. I don't mind working. I just hate people.

e-commerce is a good online business, a lot of people are getting into that

I'm in London. I'm on PIP at the moment which allows me to live by myself because people under 35 aren't entitled to the 1 bedroom rate of the housing element through universal credit, unless they're classed as disabled, which I am. I'm on PIP due to my mental health issues. That in itself comes with a lot of invalidation, people thinking you're lying or scamming because young people can't be ill apparently and mental illness is seen as a joke that you can eat, pray and gym away.

Been a nightmare renting on benefits because no one wants to rent to anyone on DSS and that whole process (people putting the phone down on me, saying I'm lying because people my age aren't entitled to housing benefit, which you are if you're disabled, people asking me when my entitlement is going to end as if I fucking know.) gave me even more trauma which has made me feel even more suicidal.

Also in London. I did not know that PIP was enough to live on your own unemployed. How long did it take you to get PIP from the time you applied and was it a difficult process getting it?

If there was any chance of rehabilitation before that, it's fucking nil now because of that dehumanising process.

The only way my quality of life will improve is if I get plastic surgery which I'm planning on doing. It's all very stressful to think about and organise and honestly swallowing a glass of SN would be easier.

Housing is terrible in this country.

You could go to your council with a written letter saying your parents are going to kick you out then request temporary accommodation. They'll probably offer you a room in a shitty hostel where you typically have to share facilities. If you're working with a mental health professional you could ask them to write you a letter requesting that you have a self contained unit.

I did that and stupidly didn't take it for various reasons which I'm now regretting, because honestly I don't see myself being able to make it in this society and a flat with subsidised rent where I just have a part time job would have been the best for me.

But I was young, impulsive, had OCD and the room they offered me was cramped and nasty and the housing officer told me I'd have to live there for 6/7 years because that's how long the wait is for a council .You also have to move in straight away, spend everyday there, can't stay at anyone's house for more than 3 days, have a curfew, have to sign in and out when you leave, and in some places you have people knocking on your door or trying to break in. Tell any mentally ill young person they're going to spend their "prime" in a shitty hostel you're not exactly going to get a rational response.

I know a lot more now than I knew then such as the fact that you can actually request to be moved to a different hostel but that housing officer was particularly nasty. I had to beg her to try and let me clean the place because of my OCD and she was very reluctant to do it.

Anyway I let my mind and short sightedness get the best of me and didn't take it. To be honest there's no guarantee that I would have stayed there because it was quite overwhelming.

Anyway I ended up private renting instead.

Thanks I might try this although I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. How was the area of the hostel they put you in and the one you're in now?

 

[Thisgirlwantstosleep]

e-commerce is a good online business, a lot of people are getting into that

Also in London. I did not know that PIP was enough to live on your own unemployed. How long did it take you to get PIP from the time you applied and was it a difficult process getting it?

With PIP you can get it whether you're in work or not. It's a fixed rate benefit that's not affected by how much you earn, although of course your ability to work may have an effect on your claim because of you're well enough to work then... You get the gist.

It was a long time ago that I applied so I can't remember the specifics. I think I had to wait 2 or 3 months but the payment was backdated to when I had made my claim.

You have to call up and speak to someone who will ask what your condition is. Then after that you're sent a form that you have to fill out, which is a headache in itself.

Getting help for mental health can be difficult because of the way that mental health is seen in general. It helps to have extensive medical records. I have a plethora of suicide attempts under my belt and other mental health records which I think allowed me to claim quite easily.

I didn't have to go yo am assessment thankfully and I'm not ever planning on going to one for various reasons.

The assessment is what usually complicates things for people, especially when you have mental health issues. The way this country deals with benefits is fucked as it is and the system is designed to not help you, because the government doesn't want to help you.

There's lots of little loop holes like having to specifically request an assessor that's familiar with mental health and even then there's no guarantee.

I personally believe people with mental health issues should never have to go to these assessments. If you've already been diagnosed by an actual mental health professional that has a degree why do you need to see anyone else? It's bollocks.

Thanks I might try this although I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. How was the area of the hostel they put you in and the one you're in now?

I mean I'm working class and have lived in a low income area my entire life so the location isn't an issue for me. I live in the same borough just renting from a private landlord instead.

It's just the hostel itself was a bit of a nightmare, which is typical hostel life, and I had one of the better places and it was still massively lacking.

There are some half way decent ones but you gotta asked to be moved as I said, and you gotta know where to move too as the council are very hush hush about everything. I only found out about the decent hostel after it was no longer an option for me from a Google search. Which was an article from a woman complaining about it because it had bugs, but it was miles better than what they offered me.

I don't fault her, hostel conditions can be rough. It's because they were designed to be temporary accommodation where you only stay weeks or months but because of a lack of social housing people spend years in there.

Not trying to put you off as everyone's situation is different and as a single person you'll be waiting much less than families, and if you think it will improve your quality of life go for it.

 

[WornOutLife]

Have you tried looking for a freelance job?
I have a friend who didn't even finish high school but watched lots of programming videos (JAVA) on YouTube and now earns lots of money by working as a freelance programmer from his own house.

Hope things get better somehow!!

Hugs and love,

Matt

 

[FuneralCry]

Life can be very hard to deal with. I'm not looking for a job at the moment as I am still doing studying but I know in the future I will struggle to find one suitable due to various disorders I have. I guess there is always opportunities out there though. I wish you the best and I hope you find relief from your situation.