Venting I feel disgusted by myself

[Connie]

I'm disgusting, my rooms a genuine mess i can barely handle keeping myself clean. My mom literally said the two bad smells that are in our house come from my room. Cat piss, and cigarettes. I'm probably gonna have to get rid of my cat cus i can barely handle taking care of him. He's help me so much and I've genuinely failed him as an owner. And I can't get anyone else in the house to take care of him because "he's your cat you take care of him" despite me being barely able to get out of bed in the morning. My parents don't understand that I'm struggling and need help desperately. I don't really have anyone i can go to either, last time I vented to my bf he said I was "constantly complaining about things" I just wanna be normal an3

 

[blumen]

consider talking to someone anonymous—maybe on some discord help server or something—if you think that can help. also try an online therapist if you have the money

everyone has rough patches in their lives, and i can assure you that you aren't disgusting of any of that stuff. you just need some time to get back on your feet. i would suggest setting small goals for yourself each day (eg tomorrow 13:30 i take a shower, 24th 11:30 i feed the cat, etc). setting small goals helps me, idk if it'll work for you.

don't look at things so negatively, everything can get better, especially since (i assume) you're pretty young since u live with your mum. wish you luck

 

[Karrikin]

I get the feeling, I've ended up missing an entire week of classes because getting up was such a miserable thing and my grades fallen to a 33 in that class. It's a very toxic and self feeding cycle where your environment begins matching your own ideas of doom and gloom because now both your mind and room are a mess. I've been trying to get out of it myself and I think people underestimate just how much of a struggle it is. I will say though, if you still have your cat would it be possible for you to make that a focus for now? Even if it's doing little things for him? It might not be much in the way of advice but something to consider I suppose --sorry about your bf as well, sounds very dismissive on his part. Anyways, I do hope things get better for you, know you're not alone in this.

 

[NameOfAction]

Oof, poor kitty. If you went to a hospital for a bit, would your mom take care of him? I find that near catatonic depression could be broken with an inpatient stay. They'll bring out the big guns and hopefully get your brain firing.

 

[idontknowwhatiam]

Hang in there..... Try to address your room or the smells in small steps.... I try to improve my mental health by doing more around the house or for myself than I did the previous day.... I call it the +1 strategy.... I try to do one more thing than I did the previous day. I'm not always successful but most of the time I am.