Venting I feel desperate and hopeless, because it won't get better. Someone help (question at last paragraph).

[Reuthry]

I desperately sit down here and cry but do nothing when it comes to killing myself. I have no hope, literally. I am a female (unfortunately) with intense gender dysphoria. I have a therapist, who I talk to about transitioning. I today had thought about it and like, it will suck even if I transition. She also says that it will get better after going to university (I graduated from high school, over 18, but studying for university exams again here in my country). Like I am sure I would be seen either a tomboy or a 12 year old boy even if I transition. Imagine being a man, with no penis, with a feminine body (bones and stuff don't change) and is 5'0". It's certainly impossible to live a life like this. I just don't want to go through all of this and still kill myself. I just want to die.
I still live with my parents, they know I am suicidal and don't let me die. Isn't it so selfish? Growing up a abomination and forcing that abomination to live. I just need a way out. I live on the 10th floor, I was just on the edge of jumping a month ago at night, but just didn't do it what a stupid loser I am. I don't have access to other methods, maybe do the night night at night without no one noticing, hearing it? I just am not sure now would jumping from 10th floor end it all 100%?

I also spent some time in looksmaxxing forums, kiwifarms and other imageboards etc. so I can tell them my story and they make me kill myself. I feel that desperate.

I just want to make sure, would jumping from 10th floor kill me 100%? I don't want to survive from such fall, any positions can I take so I can land on my head? I can attach an image showing the ground from window for reference.

It this won't kill me how to die? Jumping in front of a lorry going at 80 km/h? Night night? If yes how to achieve night night with very limited materials (I haveno gorilla tape etc) and would it be silent enough so my parents don't hear when I am dying? Someone please help me I need a way out.

 

[Reuthry]

Bumping the post I guess?

 

[baabbaabbaab]

I'm afraid it's not high enough. 15 feet for 1 story x 10 = 150 feet. It's written in the megathread, I think you need at least 200 feet on concrete and 250 feet on wata ?

 

[cosmic_traveler]

I'm sorry you're hurting so much. After finding this site and looking at resources I've decided to go with the "night night" method as well. I can't tell you what to do, but I can say that a fall from that is survivable.

 

[Reuthry]

I'm afraid it's not high enough. 15 feet for 1 story x 10 = 150 feet. It's written in the megathread, I think you need at least 200 feet on concrete and 250 feet on wata ?

I guess you are right, it even might not be as high as 150. I wish I lived on 25th floor or something (or I wish there was somewhere around as high as it).

I'm sorry you're hurting so much. After finding this site and looking at resources I've decided to go with the "night night" method as well. I can't tell you what to do, but I can say that a fall from that is survivable.

I hope everything goes well and you find peace in the end

 

[joshua9119]

May light ease your suffering...

There is scientific evidence that counseling and appropriate medication can alleviate psychological reactions.


The suffering you are going through is beyond anything I could ever imagine, and I respect your willingness to endure the condition

 

[Reuthry]

May light ease your suffering...

There is scientific evidence that counseling and appropriate medication can alleviate psychological reactions.


The suffering you are going through is beyond anything I could ever imagine, and I respect your willingness to endure the condition

Well, I have been taking different medications for a long time (now using Wellbutrin, Effexor, Quetiapine and Xanax) and I take therapies, I before tried ECT too, none of these help, the medications do uh stabilize my mood honestly, but they don't really fix my depression unfortunately. Thank you for your reply though.