J
Jadedcat
Member
- Jun 26, 2020
- 19
I decided to move 14 hours away from my hometown with my ex. He had wanted to date again even though I was extremely hesitant but I did it anyways because I obviously still loved him. We moved to my supposed dream place and I've only been here a month and it's been extremely crappy. It's been nothing like what I was expecting, he's hurt me more in the past month than I've been hurt since we broke up the first time. This place ended up being nothing like i expected either but I suppose I probably had too high of expectations. It just doesn't make any sense because I had dreams of moving here for 13 years and it makes no sense that it would just end in pain and disappointment like this. I'm a spiritual person and it doesn't make any sense to me why I'd even be guided here for so long for it to be crap. It was the one thing in my life I felt like I could look forward to and knew was part of my purpose. Now I'm left more confused and my dreams are totally crushed. He also broke up with me because he cannot be honest and would rather chase women. So here I am, wanting to ctb yet again and feeling extreme heartbreak in a place where I know no one. He can stay in the place I wanted to be in the first place but I'm forced to leave. I'm the one who fucking loses. My dreams are crushed and I don't even feel like any of my other dreams are even worth it now because I'll probably just be disappointed. Going back to my hometown gives me extreme anxiety and I had nothing there for me either. I'm re-living our heartbreak yet again too and I feel like I have nothing now. I've always had depression but I've never had it where absolutely anything doesn't give me joy anymore and my body is completely numb. Like for instance I had dreams of going to japan one day and now I feel like it's a waste of time. I just want to be happy and at this point I only really see one option for me at this point which I'm sure you all know what that is. I can't win and it's really bad this time.