I feel comfortable thinking about suicide

[NothingElseMatters]

But yet I dont have the courage to do it. Why is this happening?

 

[DarkWolf]

I don't have anything to offer other than I hear you and im in the same boat.
Why is it so hard.

 

[SosoruzeDosukoi]

It could be nice thinking about "what ifs" or escapes from your current situation. Thinking about suicide is comforting to me as well, yet I don't have the gumption to do an attempt yet either. I think the idea of death is just very nice, while actually achieving it is the hard part.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

It might not be an issue of courage, but instead an issue of will - perhaps you are not ready? Sometimes the inability to act on a desire (might) mean that what you are thinking about is not actually what you actually want. This is only a blind guess though so it could be totally wrong - apologies if that is so.

This post is not intended to encourage or disuade you either way however; your life is your own and whatever path you choose is valid, but at the same time please think the situation through.

 

[WornOutLife]

Welcome to my daily life!

 

[alittlehuman_]

But yet I dont have the courage to do it. Why is this happening?

Me too. And that is because I found something new that made it ok to think about. I also have found peace with the reality that I can't help the world if they won't help me. Therefore I am now able to make jokes about the person who gets to deal with my corpse. My corpse was a GIANT barrier to moving forward. But this site changed that. If I found this site at the wrong time I wouldn't have seen what I need to move forward. I found it at the point where my best option is to embrace my death and to honor my life. The gift was not having to do it alone. That made all of my suffering and all the dead ends worth it.

Now I just want to play and help. I would absolutely love to get my hands on midazolam and opiate but no access. I am not thrilled with the idea that my last thought may be frantic and in response to profound nausea and seizures of unknown magnitude. However I got such a kick out of the practical tips in the wiki. The writer sound to me like ESL and I choose to believe they are kind soul. The suggestion that moving items before laying down to die is so funny to me. This person let me turn my focus from the experience of the seizure which I understand on a molecular level and that in no way is of value. Instead I feel like my friend who gets me is busting me because my death created a small manageable mess. 'Ahh let me go ahead and move this crystal vase away from the bed in case the body feels like creating drama for effect. Please don't shit your pants. I think you need to consider a high colonic out of care and concern for yours truly.'

I wish I had this friend. I know they exist because I am that kind of friend. At least for this moment this place makes waiting enjoyable.

 

[melissa286]

Knowing that I must and will eventually die by suicide has been a great comfort over the years. I'm able to tell myself that any new thing that makes my life more insupportable is only going to be temporary, because my life will end as soon as it becomes too much. I won't have to suffer forty more years of pain, because I'm not going to be around that long.