spring vainglory
from a moon soaked in distance.
- Feb 3, 2024
- 51
i drank and did poppers last night while hanging out with my friends
ive been unable to have fun for a long time now, and when i hang out with my friends i just find them annoying or boring or feel trapped because i just want to go home and watch youtube. ive been feeling like i dont even like my friends as people.
but thats only because of the sadness and agony, its really unlike me. my nature is to be so extroverted and happy to be around people. im deciding to stay alive for the time being, but ive been looking for drugs like shrooms or acid or something so that i can feel happiness for once. i haven't had access to joy in a long time.
we went to a rave, i was able to have fun and enjoy talking with strangers again with the alcohol. after the rave we did some poppers since it was all we had, but it felt great. i havent been high in years since weed gives me bad trips and psychosis, i didnt even remember how high feels.
i was able to enjoy being around my friends, instead of just feeling resentment at them for living their own lives while i suffer very near them. and i realized that i do like my friends as people, and how nice it feels to be around people i like talking to.
its crazy how different i feel after one night of getting high for a short time. i act like i used to. i still don't feel like i used to, but today i didn't feel like doing anything to feel enjoyment was pointless. i'm talkative again and enjoy conversation, doing conversation before yesterday was so awful and unenjoyable because i just didnt care. i even chatted with some guys who catcalled me & shared my social media. (i like being flirted with, so it was for the ego boost)
what do you think? or whats your experience? can you relate? just wanted to talk with some ppl about this & hear what they have to say :3
ive been unable to have fun for a long time now, and when i hang out with my friends i just find them annoying or boring or feel trapped because i just want to go home and watch youtube. ive been feeling like i dont even like my friends as people.
but thats only because of the sadness and agony, its really unlike me. my nature is to be so extroverted and happy to be around people. im deciding to stay alive for the time being, but ive been looking for drugs like shrooms or acid or something so that i can feel happiness for once. i haven't had access to joy in a long time.
we went to a rave, i was able to have fun and enjoy talking with strangers again with the alcohol. after the rave we did some poppers since it was all we had, but it felt great. i havent been high in years since weed gives me bad trips and psychosis, i didnt even remember how high feels.
i was able to enjoy being around my friends, instead of just feeling resentment at them for living their own lives while i suffer very near them. and i realized that i do like my friends as people, and how nice it feels to be around people i like talking to.
its crazy how different i feel after one night of getting high for a short time. i act like i used to. i still don't feel like i used to, but today i didn't feel like doing anything to feel enjoyment was pointless. i'm talkative again and enjoy conversation, doing conversation before yesterday was so awful and unenjoyable because i just didnt care. i even chatted with some guys who catcalled me & shared my social media. (i like being flirted with, so it was for the ego boost)
what do you think? or whats your experience? can you relate? just wanted to talk with some ppl about this & hear what they have to say :3
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