I fear my time might be soon

[Some place nice]

It's just about all I think of, if not him its ctb. I can feel the looming presence of death on my back. a few nights ago, I came up with a plan but didn't do it I don't want to die but at the same time I'm tired, tired of the pain, of the guilt I feel every day, the fear that my only friend is gonna leave me either by ctb or them just having enough of me. I don't want to be in constant pain anymore, the only time I see the sun in the darkness is when I talk with my bf, but we don't talk too much. I just want this breath to seep out and never come back. The only two people in my life deserve better than someone who is always on the verge of death. I don't want to keep him worried about me anymore and I know that he'll never find anyone else but, he's so nice, funny, and adorable I am just poison that will ruin him eventually. It would be better if he kept the me that he knows now than the one he'll find out about, it would only hurt him... It's weird to have a feeling like you're gonna die soon, but at least I know, ya'know?

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

It's a very weird feeling. There's only one feeling that is worse. And that is the thought of having to endure , multiple more decades of suffering.