Venting I fantasize about traumatizing people by ctb in front of them

[angel1]

I'm probably not gonna ctb anytime in the future; and if I do, im pretty dead set on it being a death that would cause no/minimum damage to anyone or anything.

But sometimes, when I'm having a pretty shitty day or when I humiliated myself in front of others, I think about ctb in the most traumatic way anyone can witness.

I somewhat enjoy daydreaming about killing myself in front of my classmates. The trauma, guilt, shock and every other emotion that will haunt them till the end of their lives… thinking about makes me feel a messed up sense of fulfillment

 

[AllFoxedOut]

I understand the bitterness that leads you to fantasising about that. The thought of the people suffering who made me suffer fills me with a sense of justice... but I won't personally ever do it. Passing on the trauma of my existence is what I wish to avoid.

 

[BBY]

I feel you.
Had to fight the urge to jump into a coming train to traumatize my cousin and her fried that were ignoring me.
I'm pretty sure a lot of people who have a desire to ctb have those kind of thoughts. So everyone's a little messed up

 

[cami]

me too. i also have the same issue with self-harm. like when someone wrongs me, i want to send them a picture of all the blood.
but.
i never have although it makes me feel better fantasizing about it, because i dont want to cause the pain i suffer from to spread to them too. i would never wish mental illness on someone.

 

[Worndown]

Ok, this is not healthy.
People that make you feel this way are not worth your attention. You need to do your best to get them out of your life, not take your life because of them. They are not worth it.
I do hope you can find a way to do this.

 

[The anhedonic one]

I was extremely unfortunate enough to have a malignant narcissist for a mother. One day, when was 10 years old I couldn't take any more of her abuse and told her I was going to kill myself.
It was summer, and She was in the garden. I ran up into my bedroom and shouted from the window " I am going to kill myself ".
She just laughed which made me even more angry. I jumped from the window and broke my hip. She just replied " stupid little bastard " and laughed as I lay screaming in agony.

 

[Worndown]

Well, the mother of the year contest is now cancelled.

 

[thesilliestgoose]

I think that in a messed up way fantasizing about ctb in front of people can be healthy? But more in a getting your emotions and hurt out and releasing it. If someone were to actually act on it or seriously plan to ctb I'm front of others to traumatize them that it would cross the line into severely unhealthy. I wouldn't feel bad or think yourself as messed up for fantasizing imo

 

[angel31]

I think everyone sometimes has fantasies like that. The important thing is, that they are fantasies. And dont really mean anything. Everyone has crazy thoughts, about idk killing someone etc. (i hope everyone has those lol)