Venting I failed

[JustSomeoneOnline]

Haha it's just like the title says. I was caught. Literally less then an hour ago. It just had to be right before the day I wanted to ctb. It just had to be because I didn't want to be a terrible sibling and miss out on my brother's birthday dinner. I regret all my choices right now. I regret not doing it the night before my brothers bday, I regret leaving my room today. I regret everything right now. I'm left to start at the bottom. They've cleaned out the blades in my room, the ropes I've prepared. Right now I just want to die so badly but I hear the ambulance coming as I type this in my bathroom. My life is a mess. Hahah I'm so sorry I failed. Fuck I'm so sorry.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry they discovered your things and destroyed your plan. You wanted to be kind and now they're punishing you. This sucks and is so inhumane. As you mentioned "ambulance" I really hope they don't send you to a psych ward now this would too cruel. I wish you all the best and send you a big *virtual HUG*!

 

[JustSomeoneOnline]

(as an update i wasn't sent to the hospital, the police didn't think i was serious or smt. Im being watched by my entire family and they want to drag me to the hospital anyways. Either way, right now everything i need for ctb is in place. i could do it right this second, im tempted to do it right this second because im scared of being found out again. they took my rope so all im have is the dog leash to hold up my body. I need advice. what are my next steps? do i lay low or do i do it right now?)

 

[Holu]

(as an update i wasn't sent to the hospital, the police didn't think i was serious or smt. Im being watched by my entire family and they want to drag me to the hospital anyways. Either way, right now everything i need for ctb is in place. i could do it right this second, im tempted to do it right this second because im scared of being found out again. they took my rope so all im have is the dog leash to hold up my body. I need advice. what are my next steps? do i lay low or do i do it right now?)

Firstly, I'm assuming you're 18, but if you're not please please please disregard everything I'm saying.

The reality of being caught or failing is simply that you're going to have to wait and possibly fake improvement.

In all honesty I DESPISE 5150s. But maybe it's best to volunteer yourself to do the 72 hours, all the while convincing the staff of your improvement. Might not help that much for your family, but might also make them think you were just having a severe panic attack or mental crisis.

Regardless of what I just said, do what you want. If you want to keep pursuing methods despite the extra vigilance go for it. I'm assuming you're not attempting recovery, but if you are it would be best to confess your emotions and plans. That said, and again I'm assuming ur not tryna go down the recovery rabbit hole, then it's best to keep quiet and lie about everything. The goal now is to get people off your back.

Whatever the case I'm really sorry for the shit that happened. Timing is a bitch, but you don't know that they still wouldn't have found you. At least they didn't take your phone from you so still some positives. I hope this added attention is short lived, and that you will be able to pursue whatever you feel you need to as soon as possible

 

[CW36]

(as an update i wasn't sent to the hospital, the police didn't think i was serious or smt. Im being watched by my entire family and they want to drag me to the hospital anyways. Either way, right now everything i need for ctb is in place. i could do it right this second, im tempted to do it right this second because im scared of being found out again. they took my rope so all im have is the dog leash to hold up my body. I need advice. what are my next steps? do i lay low or do i do it right now?)

I wouldn't act hastily, despite the urge. This needs to be done with a cool head and precision. I don't want you ending up in a new hell.

 

[painful existence]

(as an update i wasn't sent to the hospital, the police didn't think i was serious or smt. Im being watched by my entire family and they want to drag me to the hospital anyways. Either way, right now everything i need for ctb is in place. i could do it right this second, im tempted to do it right this second because im scared of being found out again. they took my rope so all im have is the dog leash to hold up my body. I need advice. what are my next steps? do i lay low or do i do it right now?)

Don't do anything in haste.You might end up with permanent damage to your organs.So lay low.Research a method (do your full research),see what kind of success rate it has and check out the risks if you end up failing.Then go ahead with whatever decision you have to take.

 

[JustSomeoneOnline]

Firstly, I'm assuming you're 18, but if you're not please please please disregard everything I'm saying.

The reality of being caught or failing is simply that you're going to have to wait and possibly fake improvement.

In all honesty I DESPISE 5150s. But maybe it's best to volunteer yourself to do the 72 hours, all the while convincing the staff of your improvement. Might not help that much for your family, but might also make them think you were just having a severe panic attack or mental crisis.

Regardless of what I just said, do what you want. If you want to keep pursuing methods despite the extra vigilance go for it. I'm assuming you're not attempting recovery, but if you are it would be best to confess your emotions and plans. That said, and again I'm assuming ur not tryna go down the recovery rabbit hole, then it's best to keep quiet and lie about everything. The goal now is to get people off your back.

Whatever the case I'm really sorry for the shit that happened. Timing is a bitch, but you don't know that they still wouldn't have found you. At least they didn't take your phone from you so still some positives. I hope this added attention is short lived, and that you will be able to pursue whatever you feel you need to as soon as possible

Yup, thanks for this advice. Being detained definitely sucks but I feel like going voluntarily is going to make me spill something accidentally cause I'll be panicking the entire time. I was panicking after the police left and about to spill smt until I found the dog leash and tested that it was strong enough to hold my weight. Right now I'm calmer so I'll definitely take the advice and just try to convince everyone I'm okay. Thx for the reply

 

[Holu]

Yup, thanks for this advice. Being detained definitely sucks but I feel like going voluntarily is going to make me spill something accidentally cause I'll be panicking the entire time. I was panicking after the police left and about to spill smt until I found the dog leash and tested that it was strong enough to hold my weight. Right now I'm calmer so I'll definitely take the advice and just try to convince everyone I'm okay. Thx for the reply

Firstly, there is no need to thank me for replying, that's ridiculous(but yes I get your being kind and it is very polite).

Secondly, have you ever been detained? It's definitely a bit much at first, and being stuck around other psychotic people is actually nightmarish(too much crying for me no offense lol). But after a bit, assuming the facility is not like bottom of the barrel shitty, it's just a boredom simulator. They take your phone, and give you enough privacy where it's not constant stimulation. It's just really boring and everyone wants to leave. That said, I've heard different things from different people, with some actually able to keep phones and some being emotionally traumatized by the staff. Not that it matters if your heart is set in not going tho, just thought to give a bit of perspective if you eventually get sent.

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be so horrible what you are going through, I find it inhumane how we exist in a world where suicidal people cannot just leave in peace and are punished simply for wanting to die.

 

[JustSomeoneOnline]

Firstly, there is no need to thank me for replying, that's ridiculous(but yes I get your being kind and it is very polite).

Secondly, have you ever been detained? It's definitely a bit much at first, and being stuck around other psychotic people is actually nightmarish(too much crying for me no offense lol). But after a bit, assuming the facility is not like bottom of the barrel shitty, it's just a boredom simulator. They take your phone, and give you enough privacy where it's not constant stimulation. It's just really boring and everyone wants to leave. That said, I've heard different things from different people, with some actually able to keep phones and some being emotionally traumatized by the staff. Not that it matters if your heart is set in not going tho, just thought to give a bit of perspective if you eventually get sent.

you're right its definitely jarring at first. ive been a couple of times and yeah its just boring but it can get super bad sometimes. it depends on the other people there and my current state of mind. now that i think about it just going for the 72 hours would probably make my entire family feel better, but then that gives them the chance to search my room for anything shit ive been hiding. I'll think about it and plan a little more.

 

[Holu]

you're right its definitely jarring at first. ive been a couple of times and yeah its just boring but it can get super bad sometimes. it depends on the other people there and my current state of mind. now that i think about it just going for the 72 hours would probably make my entire family feel better, but then that gives them the chance to search my room for anything shit ive been hiding. I'll think about it and plan a little more.

Tbh it's prob a bit too late now but idk. It won't be hard to get admitted in, but might not still be necessary. Ultimately up to you.

 

[Nephis]

~I hope for you, peace