Venting I failed partial suspension

[GrumpyFrog]

I don't even know what went wrong exactly. Guess I'm euther awful at knots or my rope sucks.
My whole face is swollen and purple, but I am obviously very much alive. Straigned a lot, passed out then came back to my senses. I threw up all over everything and had to clean after myself. Effing delightful. But I was nowhere close to death.
I can't take another day of this. I can't. I just want a relief. At least a little relief. Help? Ideas? Really want out.
Sorry if I make little sense.

 

[Lady black]

It seems like you blocked the false arteries

 

[WornOutLife]

I failed too and felt the same as you.
My advice good be to take some sleeping pills so as to "fall asleep and start hanging yourself" (I tried this and failed too because I passed out too fast because of the pills so, take that into account.)

 

[Peachycherry]

I'm really sorry. It must suck to think that you'll finally find peace, only to fail and have to deal with the aftermath. What do you think went wrong? Could you try another method next time, like SN ? In the meantime, I'm afraid I can't propose a miracle solution to cope, since I don't know what brought you to ctb in the first place. If I can add, the way I have to deal with reality is escapism, so in tough times I watch videos, movies, play games, etc. You can talk to me if you need someone! Wish you the best

 

[GrumpyFrog]

Thanks for the replies. guys.

What do you think went wrong?

I guess Lady Black is right - I didn't block the arteries properly because I'm clumsy AF. Sucks.

Could you try another method next time, like SN ?

I'd love SN, it sounds like such a lovely peaceful method. Unfortunately, I'm very broke, I just can't afford that. I've been offered money by kind people before, but to survive, not to die. Which would be a temporary solution anyway. I still only make enough to pay rent and buy meds and for the most basic food, and I don't even have food all the time. I could starve, but it's so horribly slow and painful.
I'm just so exhausted by working so hard just to make enough money to survive, when my life is nothing but survival. I have no family, no relationship, no friends, no hobbies or interests, my life is awfully hollow, just two jobs that I don't like at all and chores, and chronic pain to boot. My roommate is getting annoyed with me always being grumpy and the only solution I see is killing myself. But I'm too much of a klutz to even do that.
Sorry for the long ass vent.

 

[Peachycherry]

Thanks for the replies. guys.


I guess Lady Black is right - I didn't block the arteries properly because I'm clumsy AF. Sucks.

I'd love SN, it sounds like such a lovely peaceful method. Unfortunately, I'm very broke, I just can't afford that. I've been offered money by kind people before, but to survive, not to die. Which would be a temporary solution anyway. I still only make enough to pay rent and buy meds and for the most basic food, and I don't even have food all the time. I could starve, but it's so horribly slow and painful.
I'm just so exhausted by working so hard just to make enough money to survive, when my life is nothing but survival. I have no family, no relationship, no friends, no hobbies or interests, my life is awfully hollow, just two jobs that I don't like at all and chores, and chronic pain to boot. My roommate is getting annoyed with me always being grumpy and the only solution I see is killing myself. But I'm too much of a klutz to even do that.
Sorry for the long ass vent.

I understand. Don't apologize, this is what this site is for.

 

[OminousVaL]

You make sense to me but unfortunately I have nothing of use to say beyond letting you know you are heard. I hope you find peace one way or another.

 

[polarbear]

can you try full hanging(sorry if it isnt the currect term) most people in my country just hang from the ceiling fan,little chance of failing unless someone finds you

 

[BLUE1970]

can you try full hanging(sorry if it isnt the currect term) most people in my country just hang from the ceiling fan,little chance of failing unless someone finds you

A lot of people try to avoid that method as it can result in strangulation....slow and painful

 

[polarbear]

A lot of people try to avoid that method as it can result in strangulation....slow and painful

i know,but if nothing else works amd your really desperate then i guess its the only sure way

 

[GrumpyFrog]

can you try full hanging

Tried that before, in 2017, and failed with horrible consequences. It's the reason why I'm now chronically in pain, was in recovery for about 6 months re-learning to take care of myself, and the doctors told me I'm very lucky I didn't end up paraplegic. I guess I'm too chicken to try that again now. Too chicked to jump as well, scared of ending up alive, but completely paralyzed.
Guess after what I went through, I'm now too chicken to CTB. Embarrassing.

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

I've failed four times with partial hanging. I didn't even get as far as you. I'd get up to the 45 second mark without losing consciousness and with the exploding head thing, I was terrified I was just going to do serious damage without dying and then I'd back out. I hope things eventually work out for you, in whatever way that is.

 

[polarbear]

Tried that before, in 2017, and failed with horrible consequences. It's the reason why I'm now chronically in pain, was in recovery for about 6 months re-learning to take care of myself, and the doctors told me I'm very lucky I didn't end up paraplegic. I guess I'm too chicken to try that again now. Too chicked to jump as well, scared of ending up alive, but completely paralyzed.
Guess after what I went through, I'm now too chicken to CTB. Embarrassing.

why did you fail? did someone find you ?

 

[GrumpyFrog]

why did you fail? did someone find you ?

The rope broke after I passed out. And then yes, I was found some time later, unconscious. I know that if I wasn't impulsive, planned it better and got a better rope and not whatever was in the house, I would probably succeed. It's not the method itself, it's just me being an idiot.

 

[polarbear]

The rope broke after I passed out. And then yes, I was found some time later, unconscious. I know that if I wasn't impulsive, planned it better and got a better rope and not whatever was in the house, I would probably succeed. It's not the method itself, it's just me being an idiot.

what did you use a rope? how did you feel before you passed out,was it too painful?