Venting i envy those who are doing well in life

[bussy]

my life isnt even that bad, yet i still want to die? why? i feel like im selfish for always wanting more, i want what other people have.

it was results day today and i see all my friends posting their university offers, im happy for them but a large part of me is jealous.
why couldnt that have been me?
my best friend is going into an apprenticeship, others have gotten into their dream university and im here wasting my life away infront of a screen.

i worked so hard in school, i always got the best grades, but why did it end up like this for me? why am i stuck doing a course i dont even know if ill enjoy?
we all went to the same school, we all put in effort, but why am i the only one being left behind?

you know whats worse? the fact that i know this isnt the end of the world, yeah if i fuck up i can always try again. but frankly, im just lazy. i dont even want to put in the effort and try. why couldnt everything be perfect from the start?
i understand that this is just part of life and that nothing is perfect, but im just so tired of it.

gosh even if school did go well, what then? i get a job and just mindlessly work till im 60?
its not like i have any goals or aspirations to work towards. im just not ready to die yet, which is ironic, since i want to die as young as possible.

i really just wish i had more motivation to do better for myself. instead, all i do is cry about my problems. although i dont even want to put in any effort to change, theres nothing i want to live for anyway.

 

[Labyrinth]

An intelligent lazy person will never get anywhere. Living idle, watching life go by, only to kill yourself in the end.

 

[avalonisburning]

That's why I can't watch the Olympics. It's irritating at my core seeing what I could have been, or come close to being, if I had just resonated with better ways to pass the time after school or actually made friends. I see all of the happy and successful people having a great time in a beautiful city, and it feels like watching a circlejerk. I know it's not, and I'm just projecting my own feelings of personal disgust, but that's my natural response.

 

[Imagined_Euphoria]

You shouldnt be ashamed for performing your most basic biologial task. A humans brain wants to accumulate and enrich itself with either material possessions or emotional experiences.

 

[lawlietsph]

That's why I can't watch the Olympics. It's irritating at my core seeing what I could have been, or come close to being, if I had just resonated with better ways to pass the time after school or actually made friends. I see all of the happy and successful people having a great time in a beautiful city, and it feels like watching a circlejerk. I know it's not, and I'm just projecting my own feelings of personal disgust, but that's my natural response.

I actually posted a thread a couple days ago about this topic, the olympics. It seemed like maybe people didn't get what I meant so it's nice to see someone who also feels the same way as me.

 

[selfeater]

my life isnt even that bad, yet i still want to die? why? i feel like im selfish for always wanting more, i want what other people have.

it was results day today and i see all my friends posting their university offers, im happy for them but a large part of me is jealous.
why couldnt that have been me?
my best friend is going into an apprenticeship, others have gotten into their dream university and im here wasting my life away infront of a screen.

i worked so hard in school, i always got the best grades, but why did it end up like this for me? why am i stuck doing a course i dont even know if ill enjoy?
we all went to the same school, we all put in effort, but why am i the only one being left behind?

you know whats worse? the fact that i know this isnt the end of the world, yeah if i fuck up i can always try again. but frankly, im just lazy. i dont even want to put in the effort and try. why couldnt everything be perfect from the start?
i understand that this is just part of life and that nothing is perfect, but im just so tired of it.

gosh even if school did go well, what then? i get a job and just mindlessly work till im 60?
its not like i have any goals or aspirations to work towards. im just not ready to die yet, which is ironic, since i want to die as young as possible.

i really just wish i had more motivation to do better for myself. instead, all i do is cry about my problems. although i dont even want to put in any effort to change, theres nothing i want to live for anyway.

I fucking get it. My friends got into MIT Stanford UChicago good school whatever
In the end I ripped up my portfolio and J couldn't even submit an application…

I might not have been able to plan my future properly but at least I can plan my death correctly

 

[TheLastYoyo]

My brain is going crazy today and it's trying to convince me that it isn't even possible to be content in life, or to be doing well, whatever. It's like this weird profound belief I have that no one on Earth can ever be happy. So I do not envy those people because I'm so far gone I don't even see it as possible

 

[emptyenvelopes]

Envy is almost as obnoxious as a companion at loneliness. Worse because when we we others successful and happy, it looks so easy and we pour over the question again again- why can't this be me?

I feel your pain and although I cannot take it away, I am here with you.