Venting I envy people who successfully CTB.

[bloomingdahlia_]

ive been feeling like this lately.
everytime i hear someone who passed away from suicide....i feel sad of course, but a huge part of me wishes that was me. a huge part of me wishes i can do the same.
i cant understand how people can just make such a very drastic, final, and huge decision. i cant understand how they manage to overcome the fear and uncertainty behind the action. i dont understand...why cant that be me? i dont know why i just cant do it. i think about dying every single day. it never leaves my mind. i always saw death as the solution to everything. but it feels as if i cant actually face death.
its like having a mind that desperately wants to die, but a body that desperately wants to live.
im so tired. i wish i never existed in the first place so i dont have to deal with all of this.

 

[Ramsay Fiction]

I'll follow threads of people actively leaving this plane of existence and the rest of us are just left behind here, because for one reason or another we cannot follow. In my mind I fantasize about just ending it. It's so easy in that version of myself. Why can't it be real?

Sorry to just come on to your vent thread and ramble but I empathize greatly with you. Hopefully one day we all make it out of this one way or another.

 

[maynoname]

When I watch the local news I envy people who die in accidents or people who die from disease.
I know it's horrible to think like that because people who have illnesses suffer, but actually I would like to die so much that I wish it would happen to me.

 

[Themogger]

I'm taking a gamble. The method I have, like physically have, I could take it at any moment. It isn't recommended. Some people have died from it but there are few people who've actually survived it. I really hope I'm with the former and die from this. Fingers crossed I don't end up disabled or comatosed

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I also envy people who successfully killed themselves. They managed to cut their life short and now they're in eternal peace. I wish I had the courage to do the same to my life but I know that I don't have the courage to do so

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand feeling so tired of it all, I wish I never existed as well. But anyway best wishes.

 

[H4t]

I'm frustrated that life seems so fragile until we try to take our own. And I'm annoyed that so many strangers seem to care what I do with my own life. I get my loved ones, sure, but why do strangers care?

 

[HadEnough44]

i understand the envy, im here because i lack courage. if i had the guts to do it, i would have done it years ago. i did try, in 2015, but clearly was unsuccessful. my only thought is that ive done it before, i can try it again, and that, oddly, offers some solace. its comforting to know that death is an option. i think euthanasia should be universally legal. if its your choice, i dont understand why its not an option, and we all die, in the end.. it could be made such an painless transition, and i think there is comfort to be surrounded by people who care when your life leaves you, instead of being alone and scared

 

[pharmameddamaged]

I'm taking a gamble. The method I have, like physically have, I could take it at any moment. It isn't recommended. Some people have died from it but there are few people who've actually survived it. I really hope I'm with the former and die from this. Fingers crossed I don't end up disabled or comatosed

Which method? Did it work?

 

[Themogger]

Which method? Did it work?

It's a very painful method and not 100%. At the risk of getting scammed, I decided to just try and get SN which worked out. I'll be ctbing soon

 

[pharmameddamaged]

It's a very painful method and not 100%. At the risk of getting scammed, I decided to just try and get SN which worked out. I'll be ctbing soon

What was it? I'm worried about sn bc I'll never be alone for 12-24 hours so thinking of hanging. What was your original method,

 

[Themogger]

What was it? I'm worried about sn bc I'll never be alone for 12-24 hours so thinking of hanging. What was your original method,

All you need is 1hr for SN as long as you haven't eaten all day(at least 8hrs). Once you see an hour long opportunity, take painkillers, wait 20mins to take 3 AE pills then start preparing your SN mixtures. In 40min(that makes it an hour), you drink your SN and bam! The thing about my method is that it's unpredictable, it could take 14hours to die from it whilst suffering horribly which means you could get caught. But SN will have you unconscious in at most 20min, even if you don't take benzo. If you still insist I'll drop the method, but there's a reason almost every thread here talks about SN. Be confident in it and things just might work out

 

[pharmameddamaged]

All you need is 1hr for SN as long as you haven't eaten all day(at least 8hrs). Once you see an hour long opportunity, take painkillers, wait 20mins to take 3 AE pills then start preparing your SN mixtures. In 40min(that makes it an hour), you drink your SN and bam! The thing about my method is that it's unpredictable, it could take 14hours to die from it whilst suffering horribly which means you could get caught. But SN will have you unconscious in at most 20min, even if you don't take benzo. If you still insist I'll drop the method, but there's a reason almost every thread here talks about SN. Be confident in it and things just might work out

Id be found would one have 8 hours of uninterrupted time why I'm thinking of hanging

 

[complex]

I'm taking a gamble. The method I have, like physically have, I could take it at any moment. It isn't recommended. Some people have died from it but there are few people who've actually survived it. I really hope I'm with the former and die from this. Fingers crossed I don't end up disabled or comatosed

Similar situation. I cannot find the missing ingredient for the method suggested but have A way but again like you its not a full success story for all but am hopeful for me it will be.

 

[TakeMeToHeaven]

same, they have it better than us