I drive away everyone in my life

[JustKillBen22]

I used to have plenty of friends, but being so depressed and suicidal every one of my friends has completely cut me off or pretty much just ignores me until they need something now, they ignore me, they don't really care, and I feel like I'm nothing to them. This is every friend I've had, people I know IRL, people from online, people I used to game with, I'm just too depressed and stressed and anxious all the time they don't want to deal with me. I have nothing anymore, at one point all I had was my friends, now I just need to die and I'm too scared to die alone.

 

[_Minsk]

I used to have plenty of friends, but being so depressed and suicidal every one of my friends has completely cut me off or pretty much just ignores me until they need something now, they ignore me, they don't really care, and I feel like I'm nothing to them. This is every friend I've had, people I know IRL, people from online, people I used to game with, I'm just too depressed and stressed and anxious all the time they don't want to deal with me. I have nothing anymore, at one point all I had was my friends, now I just need to die and I'm too scared to die alone.

Same, it seems like i got used to it now.. its pretty normal, being depressed also pulls some, including me, into isolation.. actually i dont want to be around friends since im so depressed, i mean i would want to but its very hard to maintain a good relationship with friends who are on a completely different page in life. im glad about this forum, without it i would feel way more alone, its also more fun since we are in the same boat, everyone is struggling here to an extent and has compassion. its sad that so many are in pain, but at least we are in the same boat and not alone with it. most friends i've had tried to escape from everything related to depression, i felt that and i actually was the same, till i got more depressed. i think its pretty normal, people search for people with similarities.. im pretty sure, finding new friends is easy once you improved your situation and emotional state.

 

[Abgrundanziehung]

Sounds like me. I had as many or more friends than I could handle once. Now, I've driven myself into semi-isolation as well, both through my own conscious decision and from others just being on a more normal path in life and moving on from me. You're not entirely alone here, even if it feels like it.

 

[RRH]

Same. I drove away the majority of my friends during a manic episode last year. I'm still haunted by it now.

 

[Bluleaf]

I used to have plenty of friends, but being so depressed and suicidal every one of my friends has completely cut me off or pretty much just ignores me until they need something now, they ignore me, they don't really care, and I feel like I'm nothing to them. This is every friend I've had, people I know IRL, people from online, people I used to game with, I'm just too depressed and stressed and anxious all the time they don't want to deal with me. I have nothing anymore, at one point all I had was my friends, now I just need to die and I'm too scared to die alone.

I understand how you feel. I am almost completely isolated from family and have not had close friends in years. Social anxiety gets the best of me and I shut down when people talk to me. It's a fucked up way to live. It's a frightening place to not want to live and be afraid to die.

 

[Sinai Silence]

I feel like I am a magnet that can only push everyone I want to connect with away from me. I can't continue with everyone thinking I'm a freak because of the way I am, it feels pointless trying.

 

[charlottewilts]

i feel the same way. i think i drove everybody off because they realised my depression and addiction wasn't just a phase or a joke (like haha I'm gonna kermit sewer side ) and they distanced themselves so they don't get caught up in all that shit. I honestly can't blame them for that; it doesn't do anyone much good to have an alcoholic junkie in their lives to drag them down...

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

It's a horrible irony, isn't it? That in the moments you perhaps need your friends the most, they abandon you. I once had someone tell me that I wasn't being a good friend because I was "being all suicidal." He ended up being the person who ruined my life, but hindsight is 20/20.

This is why I've mastered the art of saying, "I'm fine," when people check in with me. No one asks too many questions about "I'm fine," so I don't have to lie too much beyond that. If you tell them the truth, they get awkward and want to distance themselves. I lost so many friends last year and had so few people I could still trust. One by one, they've fallen away as they grow more and more frustrated with my depression. So yeah, "I'm fine."

 

[mathieu]

I'm in the same boat. I used to have friends but they're all gone now. No one wants to be around me.