Venting I dont want to wait to ctb anymore

[gorgongrl]

I have a plan I know when and where and how I'm going to ctb. Its just a waiting game now for everything to line up. I've been planning for months and have been suicidal for years, but in the past I've been impulsive and ended up attempting without preparing fully. Now I know better but it's so painful suffering through each day when all I can think about is how much I want to die. I've ordered some razors so I can start self harming again since it's helped in the past to deal with suicidal urges but I'm worried it will alert my family if they find out. Idk does anyone else feel this drained waiting ? I thought I would feel relieved but it's not close enough yet and doing things like cleaning or maintaining appearances are so exhausting. I'm scared I'm going to have a breakdown and act impulsively again and be trapped in this hell even longer. How can I stay motivated to live while planning to die?

 

[fastFWD]

I feel ya and I am on the same track as you. wish I had some answers for you but alas it's like you said; a draining wait. I just pass the time by getting high and binge watch stuff. finally ctb in a few weeks. best wishes to you <3

 

[gorgongrl]

I feel ya and I am on the same track as you. wish I had some answers for you but alas it's like you said; a draining wait. I just pass the time by getting high and binge watch stuff. finally ctb in a few weeks. best wishes to you <3

Thanks, I try to distract myself too but it's not easy, I guess I just need to hold out a bit longer. Knowing it will be over soon gives some relief at least. Hope the best for you :)

 

[Minsu]

Thanks, I try to distract myself too but it's not easy, I guess I just need to hold out a bit longer. Knowing it will be over soon gives some relief at least. Hope the best for you :)

I can relate to this! Finding a sort of reliable method gives me so much relief. Take care