A
Aprilfarewell4
Mage
- Apr 9, 2024
- 550
I tried to find a partner. I tried to get help. none to be had. I never wanted to do this. I have to. I held out as long as I could through what can only be known not described. I hung on as long as I could for someone to go with, someone who could help me. someone who knew what I have and why and what it means to be this badly injured with no recovery possible and way past the point of adaptation or tolerance. someone who also never wanted to, but has no choice. that's what happened to me. I can't take it back. and the only way out is death. I would have lived 30 more years. I loved life. everything about it.
I am scared, because I can't get better, and I know this life, was my only and I ruined it so thoroughly at the most basic levels of what it means to be human that I have to die and I will be ending this experience.
this can't be real. that disbelief also kept this going somehow. but it is real. my life ended. I have to leave all I built and loved behind. I can't participate in what it means to be human or alive anymore.
I'm ending this horrific nightmare. please God help me. I had no idea this was going to happen. Please God help me.
I am scared, because I can't get better, and I know this life, was my only and I ruined it so thoroughly at the most basic levels of what it means to be human that I have to die and I will be ending this experience.
this can't be real. that disbelief also kept this going somehow. but it is real. my life ended. I have to leave all I built and loved behind. I can't participate in what it means to be human or alive anymore.
I'm ending this horrific nightmare. please God help me. I had no idea this was going to happen. Please God help me.
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