Venting I don't want to get better

[Norf I Guess]

I've gotten to the point where even if my main depressor, my body, was fine, I would still probably want to kill myself. I don't see a reason to live and I don't want one either. I've buried this hole, now all that's left is to lie in it.

 

[stopMotionSickness]

I empathize a lot with that. Interestingly it's more common than I think anyone wants to admit, and it shows up slightly in trends like "Marry the love of your life and live a long happy and healthy life OR get your shi blown smoove off?" and it genuinely feels like the latter is preferable. It's a mystery to me why that should be such a felt experience, and what's behind this kind of intrinsic tiredness. At the very least I'm grateful for how certain music resonates better in this state.

Anyway, yeah, all that to say you're not alone in feeling this way.

 

[Norf I Guess]

On that, I don't even particularly care for my death being painless. I often fantasize about being beaten into a pulp from the legs up, and I'm not sure why.