Venting I don't want to feel.

[aBitTooInsane]

Three years. She was the love of my life. Less than a week before she fucked the new guy, we spent an evening together that she said was "perfect" and "magical." She replaced me so easily.

I'm not contemplating suicide because I lost her per se. I'm actually pretty disgusted with her and feel a sense of relief having her out of my life. I'm way less anxious now. But what I used to feel with her was so real that I can't trust any feelings I have anymore. Happiness is an illusion. I don't want to find happiness again. I don't want to feel better. I don't want to feel.

 

[Sister of the Moon]

Going through the exact same thing right now. I relate to how the feelings overwhelm you. I hope you find some inner peace. People really do suck. Literally.

 

[FuneralCry]

Some people really are so cruel. I'm sorry that you suffer. It is understandable not wanting to feel anything, as feelings can be painful. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.

 

[aBitTooInsane]

Going through the exact same thing right now. I relate to how the feelings overwhelm you. I hope you find some inner peace. People really do suck. Literally.

I'm sorry to hear that. I just don't trust any feelings I might ever have in the future. It's not that hard for me to find women to date, I've got the looks and the skill set for that, I just think that even when I find somebody who makes me as happy as she did, it's just a matter of time before I end up right at square one. I'm in my thirties and so fucking sick of this cycle. I wish I could be one of those people who can be happy alone, but that's just never been me. I want a partner who I can trust with my heart, but I don't think humans are trustworthy. None of them.

 

[Sister of the Moon]

I'm sorry to hear that. I just don't trust any feelings I might ever have in the future. It's not that hard for me to find women to date, I've got the looks and the skill set for that, I just think that even when I find somebody who makes me as happy as she did, it's just a matter of time before I end up right at square one. I'm in my thirties and so fucking sick of this cycle. I wish I could be one of those people who can be happy alone, but that's just never been me. I want a partner who I can trust with my heart, but I don't think humans are trustworthy. None of them.

I hear you. People who you think you can trust are few and far between. Rare gems. You feel lucky to have finally found one, someone who will not rip your heart and and spit on your soul. Things go blissful for a while, and eventually they just fuck someone else, for no apparent reason.

Honestly, that feeling, that crushing of the soul, is the worst feeling anyone can feel, and I feel for everyone who's ever gone through it. How can someone so close that your hearts beat together, simply throw it away? Not only throw it away, but leave absolute carnage.

I've been through it several times, my friend. With long periods of being alone in between because I can't trust anyone after last time. Then someone unexpected comes along, everything is hunky dory. You let your guard down, open your heart, make yourself vulnerable, because it can't work unless you're vulnerable. Then BOOM! It happens again.

My deepest sympathies to you. May we all heal and find strength from somewhere.

 

[aBitTooInsane]

How can someone so close that your hearts beat together, simply throw it away? Not only throw it away, but leave absolute carnage.

I just broke down in tears reading this. The closeness I felt, the vulnerability. To think that I could go from feeling closer than ever to finding out it was all a sham less than a week later. Thank you for understanding, at least I feel just a little less alone in my loneliness.

 

[Sister of the Moon]

I understand. It's been a week for me since I found out, and I too keep breaking down in tears. Let them flow, friend. The only way out is through. People keep saying it'll get easier but it doesn't feel that way now, right? It's horrendous. It's like swimming in a cesspool of heartbreak and grief and betrayal. Easy for them to say it'll get easier. When, then?

Do what you have to do. Find your peace. Find anything that distracts you even for a moment. I know that's difficult right now, it's on constant full-blast every moment. The misery and pain, nobody should ever have to go through. It shows you have a heart. Someone took advantage of your open heart, and it's one of the lowest things anyone can do.