I don’t want to do this anymore

[Polly]

I have a couple of friends that have offered to help me get a job but I judt dint want to do that anymore. I'm too exhausted.

and then I think of the paintings I wont paint and my heart breaks over thst.

this is the worst day ever because the tug of war is raging and driving me crazy and neither side is winning and I'm just so, so tired.

 

[Jean4]

I have a couple of friends that have offered to help me get a job but I judt dint want to do that anymore. I'm too exhausted.

and then I think of the paintings I wont paint and my heart breaks over thst.

this is the worst day ever because the tug of war is raging and driving me crazy and neither side is winning and I'm just so, so tired.

Are you an artist? What type of art do you paint?

 

[Polly]

Are you an artist? What type of art do you paint?

Watercolor. Non-traditional large scale landscapes. Lots of water and color.

Haven't had the wherewithal to paint in ages.

 

[Jean4]

Watercolor. Non-traditional large scale landscapes. Lots of water and color.

Haven't had the wherewithal to paint in ages.

I would love to see some of your work :)

I understand not having the stamina to paint. You also need the inspiration.

 

[Polly]

I would love to see some of your work :)

I understand not having the stamina to paint. You also need the inspiration.

Inspiration is always there. But I would have to be able to control my anxiety and despair do I can get out if bed. Today I even cancelled my therapist.

 

[Jean Améry]

That's understandable. Still it's clear you want to live so imo you should enlist the help of your friends. Inform them you're exhausted and need time so that they slow down a bit but overall I think you should go this route of trying to get a job.

 

[Ness]

I'm sorry you're struggling, I hope you manage to find a way for things to work out for you however you genuinely want them to. Please remember that you deserve a chance to settle yourself and just breathe, so if that's what it takes to help you then you should absolutely do that. Job searching is a pain and a lot harder than people like to make it out to be, so I hope you don't get discouraged if you try it and it takes a while to work out.

As for the painting, I think I read someone encourage someone else on here to just pick up a brush (might've been a pencil)? Just start with holding it, I think? Maybe you could try that, too. Or even just look at it and think about what you'd want to paint. However small steps you want.

 

[Polly]

That's understandable. Still it's clear you want to live so imo you should enlist the help of your friends. Inform them you're exhausted and need time so that they slow down a bit but overall I think you should go this route of trying to get a job.

I've been trying for 3 years. I dint even have enough money left to travel to an interview.
And having to explain the whole story is daunting. I have to wade through all the job hunting 101 advice and three weeks later they say"ooooohhhhh".

ive just been here si many times before and it has broken me financially and emotionally.

I'm sorry you're struggling, I hope you manage to find a way for things to work out for you however you genuinely want them to. Please remember that you deserve a chance to settle yourself and just breathe, so if that's what it takes to help you then you should absolutely do that. Job searching is a pain and a lot harder than people like to make it out to be, so I hope you don't get discouraged if you try it and it takes a while to work out.

As for the painting, I think I read someone encourage someone else on here to just pick up a brush (might've been a pencil)? Just start with holding it, I think? Maybe you could try that, too. Or even just look at it and think about what you'd want to paint. However small steps you want.

I appreciate the intent but please don't give me advice in painting.

I've been trying for 3 years. I dint even have enough money left to travel to an interview.
And having to explain the whole story is daunting. I have to wade through all the job hunting 101 advice and three weeks later they say"ooooohhhhh".

ive just been here si many times before and it has broken me financially and emotionally.

I appreciate the intent but please don't give me advice in painting.

Well the bottom line is thst I have no money to act in their suggestions and no money to live on do a quick way out would be highly desirable b

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Watercolor. Non-traditional large scale landscapes. Lots of water and color.

Haven't had the wherewithal to paint in ages.

I used to paint! I was okay at watercolour but the other immediacy vexed me. I loved oils. Messy but so much scope for texture and expression. I loved that I could come back to it day after day with a fresh perspective.
I miss painting.
My sister gave me... wait for it... colouring books for my birthday to try and calm my mind. I was so insulted I couldn't even talk to her. I was an artist and a graphic designer and she wanted me to colour stuff in. Surprised she didn't get me sodding crayons too!
Getting work is tough these days and you need to be on top of any issues you have. I can't work, to Ill. Even if I got better I'd never have another job now as I'm too old and have the old mental health label.
What sort of work might you be looking for?

 

[Polly]

I just can't do it anymore.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I just can't do it anymore.

I know the feeling.
I'd send you strength if I could.

 

[jgm63]

I've been trying for 3 years. I dint even have enough money left to travel to an interview.
And having to explain the whole story is daunting. I have to wade through all the job hunting 101 advice and three weeks later they say"ooooohhhhh".

ive just been here si many times before and it has broken me financially and emotionally.

I appreciate the intent but please don't give me advice in painting.

Well the bottom line is thst I have no money to act in their suggestions and no money to live on do a quick way out would be highly desirable b

If you needed a little bit of money to get to interviews and things like that, then we could probably sent you some bitcoin, and we could tell you how to cash it out.....

 

[Polly]

If you needed a little bit of money to get to interviews and things like that, then we could probably sent you some bitcoin, and we could tell you how to cash it out.....

Thanks so incredibly kind and generous.
Let's not spend your money on me until I'm in some kind of shape to use it.

 

[Lostandfound7]

If you needed a little bit of money to get to interviews and things like that, then we could probably sent you some bitcoin, and we could tell you how to cash it out.....

I agree. I would b more than willing to send u $ to get to an interview. I too am on a job search n I know how incredibly frustrating it can b..esp to hear the script when they reject u..but every "no" is a step closer to "yes"..Keep looking my friend..

 

[Polly]

I agree. I would b more than willing to send u $ to get to an interview. I too am on a job search n I know how incredibly frustrating it can b..esp to hear the script when they reject u..but every "no" is a step closer to "yes"..Keep looking my friend..

Thank you fir your support. It is in itself very dear to me.

 

[jgm63]

Thanks so incredibly kind and generous.
Let's not spend your money on me until I'm in some kind of shape to use it.

ok, well keep us posted, because we're happy to help......