I don't want to die

[oopswronglife]

I want help. Nobody will help. I have exhausted my coping mechanisms. I am alone. I am in pain. it doesn't have to be this way I am being forced into ending my existence because things keep going wrong and money is more important than life in this shithole country. It infuriates me that there is hope and a better quality of life elsewhere as my past life abroad proved to me...but I am not able to get back there and survive alone as bad as things are now. My so called family and friends proved long ago they'd rather be "right" in their politics than for me to survive. Their ego, pride, and materialism is more important. The systems here have proven they don't care and are hostile. I did my part...I worked hard, was honest, good, helped others. I got a big "fuck you suffer commie...you aren't stealing MY money " when it was my turn for help.

I was an idiot for believing I had value as a human being. That value has been assessed at zero. I will die angry and powerless and that's on record by society in this greedy, selfish country as perfectly acceptable. I want to live...they won't let me. Even healthcare is considered an entitlement instead of a human right and has cost me so much for so little. I hate America and will die hating it.

 

[Mr2005]

I'm sorry. I don't want to die either I just don't want to live like this anymore and don't know what else to do. If there's really anyone who actually wants to die for no apparent reason I think they should seek help immediately. My 1000th post, I was saving it for something worthy :)

 

[SinisterKid]

I apologise, but I dont know your story. But if you dont wish to die, then dont. It is that simple, unless of course you have some incurable condition. But if you want to live, somehow, you have to find a way, any way, to keep going. I know that is so much easier said than done, but its also the harsh reality. We either find a way, or make one. A old friend of mine once told me that and it has helped me when times have been at their worst.

What got you this far? What do you do and what can you do to make it through tomorrow? I live for today, that is all there is. I get through it any way I can because I gave my word I would try to do just that. If it means sleeping half the day, so be it. If it means getting out of these four walls, thats what I do. I read, I play Mahjong and Backgammon and sometimes poker. I watch movies, anything that will occupy my mind and keep the ideation away. Today, I have had more to drink than I should, but its helped because its not been a good day. Tomorrow, who the fuck knows what will come my way? But somehow, I have to find a way to get through it. So do you. We can do this.

I have also found having everything I need to make my exit has calmed me greatly. Do you have everything ready and how do you feel about it?

 

[Sweet emotion]

I want help. Nobody will help. I have exhausted my coping mechanisms. I am alone. I am in pain. it doesn't have to be this way I am being forced into ending my existence because things keep going wrong and money is more important than life in this shithole country. It infuriates me that there is hope and a better quality of life elsewhere as my past life abroad proved to me...but I am not able to get back there and survive alone as bad as things are now. My so called family and friends proved long ago they'd rather be "right" in their politics than for me to survive. Their ego, pride, and materialism is more important. The systems here have proven they don't care and are hostile. I did my part...I worked hard, was honest, good, helped others. I got a big "fuck you suffer commie...you aren't stealing MY money " when it was my turn for help.

I was an idiot for believing I had value as a human being. That value has been assessed at zero. I will die angry and powerless and that's on record by society in this greedy, selfish country as perfectly acceptable. I want to live...they won't let me. Even healthcare is considered an entitlement instead of a human right and has cost me so much for so little. I hate America and will die hating it.

I understand about not wanting to die. You just want things to get better. But that is so much easier said than done. I have a progressive chronic pain condition that is slowly killing me inside while making it impossible for me to live life. I have no quality of life and have been confined to my house for 14 years unless it's to go to the hospital or the doctors office. If you ever want to talk PM me. I feel exactly and I mean exactly like you do. Angry and powerless. The doctors in this shitty place I live in control what is happening to me. They control my pain. It's in their hands. I feel like I've lost control of everything in my life and other people have the say so over my peace of mind. My neighbors upstairs are so noisy that they hurt me. My mother hurts me. Doctors have hurt me. Why are they given so much power doctors when they do so little?

 

[Return2Dust]

I want help. Nobody will help. I have exhausted my coping mechanisms. I am alone. I am in pain. it doesn't have to be this way I am being forced into ending my existence because things keep going wrong and money is more important than life in this shithole country. It infuriates me that there is hope and a better quality of life elsewhere as my past life abroad proved to me...but I am not able to get back there and survive alone as bad as things are now. My so called family and friends proved long ago they'd rather be "right" in their politics than for me to survive. Their ego, pride, and materialism is more important. The systems here have proven they don't care and are hostile. I did my part...I worked hard, was honest, good, helped others. I got a big "fuck you suffer commie...you aren't stealing MY money " when it was my turn for help.

I was an idiot for believing I had value as a human being. That value has been assessed at zero. I will die angry and powerless and that's on record by society in this greedy, selfish country as perfectly acceptable. I want to live...they won't let me. Even healthcare is considered an entitlement instead of a human right and has cost me so much for so little. I hate America and will die hating it.

Speaking up about not wanting to die is a huge step. Shoot, asking for help is a big deal. I stayed alive for years to prove everyone wrong. Cleaned up my life, got my sh*t together. Moved away from the negative influence of my family. I decided a life well-lived would be the best revenge. It wasn't easy, but I found a support system that had my back through the good and bad.
You don't have to ctb right now. Make a ctb plan or don't. Just don't act on impulse. What works for me in the moment is writing down everything I feel. The good, bad and ugly. I even wrote letters to people. My darkest feelings, then burned them.
Anger is an ok emotion. Feel your feelings, then breath and go from there.

 

[Avery Jordan]

Yeah well what are you going to do?

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I want help. Nobody will help. I have exhausted my coping mechanisms. I am alone. I am in pain. it doesn't have to be this way I am being forced into ending my existence because things keep going wrong and money is more important than life in this shithole country. It infuriates me that there is hope and a better quality of life elsewhere as my past life abroad proved to me...but I am not able to get back there and survive alone as bad as things are now. My so called family and friends proved long ago they'd rather be "right" in their politics than for me to survive. Their ego, pride, and materialism is more important. The systems here have proven they don't care and are hostile. I did my part...I worked hard, was honest, good, helped others. I got a big "fuck you suffer commie...you aren't stealing MY money " when it was my turn for help.

I was an idiot for believing I had value as a human being. That value has been assessed at zero. I will die angry and powerless and that's on record by society in this greedy, selfish country as perfectly acceptable. I want to live...they won't let me. Even healthcare is considered an entitlement instead of a human right and has cost me so much for so little. I hate America and will die hating it.

So sorry for your situation. I live in the U.S. also. I totally understand. Society is all about "helping" UNLESS IT COSTS THEM MONEY"
How DARE we want to die ? But let's not help them … just let them suffer. All that church crap they force on us … but prayers are suppose to make it all better.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I want help. Nobody will help. I have exhausted my coping mechanisms. I am alone. I am in pain. it doesn't have to be this way I am being forced into ending my existence because things keep going wrong and money is more important than life in this shithole country. It infuriates me that there is hope and a better quality of life elsewhere as my past life abroad proved to me...but I am not able to get back there and survive alone as bad as things are now. My so called family and friends proved long ago they'd rather be "right" in their politics than for me to survive. Their ego, pride, and materialism is more important. The systems here have proven they don't care and are hostile. I did my part...I worked hard, was honest, good, helped others. I got a big "fuck you suffer commie...you aren't stealing MY money " when it was my turn for help.

I was an idiot for believing I had value as a human being. That value has been assessed at zero. I will die angry and powerless and that's on record by society in this greedy, selfish country as perfectly acceptable. I want to live...they won't let me. Even healthcare is considered an entitlement instead of a human right and has cost me so much for so little. I hate America and will die hating it.

I feel very similar. It's awful when you want to live but can't. But if you have a choice then it is brave to continue when you don't feel up to it. I wish you strength.