Discussion I don't want to die but...

[thewalkingdread]

I also don't want to keep living.

I think most of us here are dealing with these "two horses" pulling in different, diametrically opposed, directions.

But are these two horses really the two opposites of a binary, classical logic? Subjected to the law of the excluded middle? I don't think so.

To me, not wanting to live anymore is not the exact same thing as wanting to die. I think most of us don't actually want to die. Specially because dying kinda sucks, too... It's one more final, ultimately last, suffering we all have to deal with.

While we would certainly say we would rather never to have been in the first place, we can't say as confidently that we want to die, even though we don't want to keep on living...

Do you guys ever think about it in this way?

 

[Death is my goal]

only way not to live is death, so wanting to die is wanting to die. it's the step to not live anymore.

 

[manuel1056x]

I personally have an different opinion. I think that life is not bad and if you in a city you can see so much people who are happy in life. So I personally want to be this happy too. But I won't, because I don't get how. I Wanne live. I would love to have an great life, but I never will have an good life. So I Wanne die. I know that you ask for people who feel the same way. Sorry maybe it was wrong to answer here. I hope you will become happy.

 

[brokeandbroken]

I also don't want to keep living.

I think most of us here are dealing with these "two horses" pulling in different, diametrically opposed, directions.

But are these two horses really the two opposites of a binary, classical logic? Subjected to the law of the excluded middle? I don't think so.

To me, not wanting to live anymore is not the exact same thing as wanting to die. I think most of us don't actually want to die. Specially because dying kinda sucks, too... It's one more final, ultimately last, suffering we all have to deal with.

While we would certainly say we would rather never to have been in the first place, we can't say as confidently that we want to die, even though we don't want to keep on living...

Do you guys ever think about it in this way?

Yes.

I am absolutely miserable. Truly miserable. Everything taken from me. I want my suffering to end and avoid the incoming suffering that has no end.

That said. Life *could* if things were different. If people fought for me. If people loved me. If people heard my pleas for help. If I got help. Life has the potential to be great. I worked hard so it would be before it was taken from me. This potential is why I don't want to. It it is something that could exist it just isn't going to. All available evidence says so. I also know how brutal the suffering I would have to endure would have to be. So yes I know the feeling.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I think we have to differentiate not wanting to live / not want to keep living. The question is why we don't want to go on?

In my case I'd really prefer to live but due to failure in life and the current circumstances I have to live a life that I don't want to live and it may become worse in the future. That's why I have to CTB sooner or later if there's no miracle happening. So yes, actually I don't want to die but due to circumstances CTB may be inevitable to prevent myself from more suffering.

 

[thewalkingdread]

I hate waking up everyday to this horror show we call life. I see no real future for myself, for humanity, for all sentient life. It all seems so chaotic, ephemeral and futile. A homeric waste of time.

Although I still enjoy somethings — simple, banal things like having a cup of coffee —most of my days I keep thinking of not existing anymore, thinking of dying, euthanizing myself peacefully... At the same time not really wanting to die, but, instead, kinda wishing I was never born, to begin with, so that I would never have had to experience any of this existential torture.

My psyche wages wars with itself in agony, even If only at the semiconscious background of my brain, during most of my awake hours... I spend the day craving for getting back to the sweet dark woomb of the unconsciousness of sleep, knowing only it is capable of quenching all the insufferable turmoil.

But If i knew this would be my last night of sleep, i think i would have a "sudden" bout of insomnia... If you know what I mean.

 

[thewalkingdread]

Contrary to the popular and stupid superstition that suicide is selfish, killing oneself is actually the most selfless act one can ever do — one is literally and permanently anihilating the self.

That's why it's so hard to do it. We are fully aware of this "nothingness"... and, frankly, it's quite unbearable and unpleaseant to think of it — our OWN despicable demise. It's easy to accept the demise of others, but not our own.

Even if we are rationally convinced that, overall, life is a big piece of shit not even worth beggining it, it's still very hard to let go of it... to let go of ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING.

All we have ever done up to this point is mostly based on our self-interest. And our narcisist self can't deal with the fact that he will be no more. And — oh, boy! — he will do anything he can to manipulate everything in his way to his favour.

That's why we feel so much comfort when we try to deal with our own deaths by pretending or supposing that there will be an afterlife. It's the self trying to save himself through self-deception.

Some people believe in this illusionism... and it really can help, if you can genuinely believe It.

For the rest of us, not easily fooled, bearers of a more skeptical/scientific perspective, it's quite an agonizing experience to realize that everything will be gone for good.

 

[Manfrotto99]

Yes I have a miserable life that I'm unable to change because of finances. I don't have any family or loved ones and have a lifetimes of sadness, loss, pain and regret but despite all that, if I had the financial resources I would choose to live if only to spend time time not having to constantly worry but to listen to the birds sing, smell the roses, play with my dog and see the sunset. They are the things I will miss.

Unfortunately where I live at least, you need money to enjoy nature. Otherwise your trapped in the city, in an ugly tiny apartment, always worrying about how your going to keep a roof over your head, listening to the noise of trucks and traffic all day and night, being exposed to pollution and unable to have pets, let alone wake to hear the birds sing, as there are no trees but surrounded by ugly buildings everywhere. I know such things many people take for granted, but yes I'd live just to have the privilege to enjoy the beauty of nature and not be constantly reminded of the horrors of the ugly life I'm forced to live.

To think of never hearing birds sing again, to not see the trees rustling in the wind and a flower come to bloom... but instead nothingness, sadness me greatly. Yet the immense pain of my miserable existence stops me from enjoying these things and I can't continue to go on.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yeah, I'd rather not experience death to be dead. It just feels like another difficult thing in life we'll all go through regardless but, if we want out now, then I suppose there's no other option.

I think maybe more people would say they want to be dead rather than to experience death itself. Or- of course, they want their life to be better.

I'm very scared of the process. I guess we know it's time though when the cumulative fear of our futures is worse than the fear of what will hopefully only last a short time.

 

[UnwillingSavior]

I really wish I wasn't born, I agree with that. Otherwise, the pain is so immense and I just wish I didn't spiral into a headspace where I can't see a way out anymore. I wish I could stay, I want to stay so bad, but I don't know how to. This slope is getting steeper and I can't hold on much longer. I don't have the energy anymore.

I used to be so humble and grateful. But, after a lifetime of keeping everything in, I can't see my relationships changing, or even new ones forming in a healthier manner. To me, life is all about the connections you form with others; I don't want a solitary life alone by myself... I've tried so many times with dozens and dozens of people, but every time I end up an unwilling savior because I'm too afraid to say no. And when I want out, I'm a piece of sh*t for "giving up". All of my relationships that are even slightly serious turn out this way.I don't want a life full of this. I can't. I wish it wasn't this way because I love living. But now, I can't see the light at the end of this tunnel. Only a bus stop.