Venting I don’t want to become an addict

[midnightluv]

I feel like I'm going down a really dark hole and I don't know how to stop it without being hospitalized. Which is a no-go because I'm already like $15000 in debt from student loans, being hospitalized five times before, and credit card debt. So I've been drinking a lot. I didn't drink a lot before this. It was a once a month if that thing before the past two weeks or so before shit hit the fan. Basically, my bf broke up with me, my friends left me (and an update, the last one left), school is killing me, my unemployment checks are being fucking stupid (but I start my new job on the 5th), and my uncle was diagnosed with a terminal illness.

But basically I've been drinking like every night. I feel absolutely empty and when I get drunk I get to feel emotions, even if they're negative. I'm not able to cry on my own while I'm sober unless I'm having a panic attack no matter how hard I try or how sad I get. It's dangerous though since I'm on an antidepressant and an antipsychotic and doctors say not to drink too much on those. I'm not afraid I'm gonna die I'm afraid it'll just be mild alcohol poisoning or something and I have to go to the ER and then get hospitalized.

I've also been seriously considering taking Benadryl or something when I freak out to calm myself down and not be on edge as hell. I don't think my psychiatrist listens to me. I keep telling her I'm feeling like absolute trash. This was before the cacophony of bullshit happened as well. I just want to sleep but I'm scared I'm going to go down a really dark road of addiction. If I'm being paranoid, please let me know. But people also kept telling me I was paranoid that my bf didn't like me anymore and that was proven true. Sorry if this sounds stupid. This is a bpd rambling type beat.

 

[Teleftaía Anapnoí]

It is very sad that you are going through this. Hope you get better soon. I have a marijuana addiction and it started the same way, it got worse and worse to the point where I needed to smoke several times a day. There is no easy way out of an addiction, whatever it may be. Wish luck for you.

 

[wait.what]

Alcoholism is very nasty, can confirm. So is alcohol withdrawal. Be careful cutting down on your drinking too abruptly, especially if you're on a med that can reduce your seizure threshold. There are multiple psyche meds that can do this, including tricyclic antidepressants, Wellbutrin/bupropion, and atypical antipsychotics. Benedryl can do it too.

It's up to you if you want to try the old-timey method of cutting down on alcohol gradually, outside a hospital. Anecdotally, most people who succeeded with that method had assistance and supervision of some kind. It's not like there are verifiable statistics comparing assisted and unassisted alcohol withdrawal, though.

Whatever you do, remember this: don't drive a car or operate heavy machinery while you're experiencing alcohol withdrawal. You might want to catch the bus, but you don't want to have a seizure behind the wheel and take a bunch of unwilling passengers out with you, you know?

 

[midnightluv]

It is very sad that you are going through this. Hope you get better soon. I have a marijuana addiction and it started the same way, it got worse and worse to the point where I needed to smoke several times a day. There is no easy way out of an addiction, whatever it may be. Wish luck for you.

Thank you, it just sucks bc this seems like the only way to get through this. The only way I can feel like an actual human.

Alcoholism is very nasty, can confirm. So is alcohol withdrawal. Be careful cutting down on your drinking too abruptly, especially if you're on a med that can reduce your seizure threshold. There are multiple psyche meds that can do this, including tricyclic antidepressants, Wellbutrin/bupropion, and atypical antipsychotics. Benedryl can do it too.

It's up to you if you want to try the old-timey method of cutting down on alcohol gradually, outside a hospital. Anecdotally, most people who succeeded with that method had assistance and supervision of some kind. It's not like there are verifiable statistics comparing assisted and unassisted alcohol withdrawal, though.

Whatever you do, remember this: don't drive a car or operate heavy machinery while you're experiencing alcohol withdrawal. You might want to catch the bus, but you don't want to have a seizure behind the wheel and take a bunch of unwilling passengers out with you, you know?

Thanks, this was helpful.