i don’t want to be online but i hate my environment

[violetforever]

i feel like people always push the idea of getting offline without addressing the people who don't even have an enjoyable life outside of their phone. it's so depressing but i fall into that category. my surroundings are part of the reason i'm suicidal. i've seen videos of people who limit their screen usage and it doesn't help because they have more privileged lives. from what i can see, they have healthy families/friendships, comfortable homes, money and probably just actual meaning to their life. i feel confined to my phone because i have none of those. i feel even worse because i don't want to be on it anymore either. i want to read or do other hobbies but its always too loud to focus or my room is too small. my entire life i've used the internet to cope with my living situation that has never improved. so much that it prevented me from even partaking in life for a while which is why i'm still in this situation. i dread everyday of waking up and repeating this over and over again. i can't believe people with nicer lives choose to be on their phone. it's like they don't even appreciate what they have and they somehow need "more" from social media or whatever else online. maybe i shouldn't say that and rephrase choice as addiction because who in their right mind prefers to stare at a screen all day?

i'm trying so hard to change but it's destroying me. my head aches from overworking myself on homework. i wait until the last minute because i can't focus at home with my family. all i can manage to do is lay in bed listening to music and mostly being on this forum. i barely eat because i don't want to go out of my room and be around my family. i can feel my brain failing. i don't have much mental energy. it's getting harder to keep up with assignments and do coherent work. i cant even further myself in life because my environment holds me back. i hate my mother more than anyone in the world. i know she sees me struggling and ignores it because it would involve her admitting how selfish and abusive she is and has always been.

i imagine a lot of people on here have the same problem but if anyone has advice i'll appreciate it :/

 

[negi-maguro]

I have no good advice because I have the same problem. What I can say is that maybe you need to find what do you actually enjoy. I start with finding what I do actually enjoy despite being depressed. It wasn't easy because I have crippling anxiety and low self-esteem, but I do know I enjoy things like dj sets, arcades, etc. It took some time, but I tried going to venues alone, but because I tend to be invisible, I never ended up making connections or even having fun. I took a step back and decided to reach out to a middle school friend who was into a lot of subculture and we reconnect. Every couple of months we meet up and go to local bands or dj sets together, maybe go for a drink. It's nice. Sure, the months without me linking up were hell, but I can always look up to the day where a hang out is confirmed. I tried connecting or hanging out with other people too, and sometimes they can be dissapointing or even mean, but sometimes I just power through it because some days are actually fun.

I guess the reason why people always yap about touching grass is we'll miss out on a lot of things if we don't. However, it's not as easy as just going outside. What we all need is connections, a reason to actually go out. It's not easy, as you say, not everyone have a good supporting environment. In my case, I can never cope with the internet because people have been very mean to me on the internet and I have anxiety, I can't even use discord with strangers. I was at my wit's end because I saw an online flyer of an event I want to attend, so I took a chance at contacting my old friend inviting him, from then on we reconnected our previous interest together. However, for this succesful connection, I also was hurting trying to connect with different people too. It's not easy at all. Hell, I have a friend that have similar interests, but I have a hard time connecting because I'm boring lol. My parents are also a pain in the ass who put huge pressure on me, I can never have fun with them around. Personally, I don't think I will be around in a couple of years so I've been trying to have as much fun as possible even if its hard or destructive for my future. I just want to link up with people and have fun, that's all I want. Sure, I'm not welcomed most of the time, but I will keep trying when I can muster the courage.

Also bonus: My most radical attempt was blasting out in the open of wanting to link up with anyone for Miku Expo concert. I was surprised that a lot of people actually contacted me and wanting to link up. Turns out there are a lot of people who came alone too. Sure there were some bad apples, a guy made me stood for an hour under the sun, but never came to the link up spot. It's all good tho because more people link up with me in the end and we even connect with other concert goers while queueing. We ended up instantly drifting apart post concert but it was still a very human experience just because we all like Miku (also happy 39 day!).

I hope my experience helps a bit.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sorry your home environment is unpleasant. Is there a local library you could use? Presumably, this homework is for a course? Are there facilities there you could use? A neighbour of mine wrote a book once. He would travel into town to use the city library. I think partly because it gave him more of a structure to do the work. It is very tempting to become distracted at home.

You could maybe try to find out what's free in your area. Obviously, money helps to have a life outside of home but, certain things are free. Maybe some museums, exhibitions, events. Simply walking in the countrgside.

 

[SASU-KE]

I was in that position when I was younger. My parents were pretty strict. I wanted to escape and I was able to. I used to ride a motorcycle. I would go out with friends and come back the next day. That was in my 20s.

When I finished my college degree and moved away from my hometown and obviously my home, my life really took off and things got much better. They will for you as well in the future.If you focus on getting a decent job then you can be independent and get away from your toxic family. That's when life starts, in my opinion.I remember you had an internship so I hope that things take off for you soon

There's nothing wrong with being online for a decent amount of time every day either. For example, Sasu is my only escape. IRL people just don't get it. I can't discuss any of this stuff with them and I can't relate to them so I have to come here.
As long as the important things keep getting done, there's no harm in spending time online.

 

[tiokapaws]

To be honest, I'm of the belief that screen time isnt bad if its productive. But you say that you spend alot of time on this forum and maybe if ur just mindlessly scrolling (like alot of us do on other platforms) then it can feel time-wasting.

If you want to read, your local library will likely be connected to an app where you can listen to audiobooks for free. And if not, alot of the more popular series are on youtube for free.

Or you could get into a type of art or craft too. But of course, the results will bank on how much you actually enjoy it. If your family is restrictive on you leaving the house, offer to do the groceries, top-up the electricity in the local gas station (is thats something your country has) so you have a chance to sneak out. And if they're not super observant and ask for the reciept maybe take a couple of cents from the change but don't quote me on that

If leaving your house isn't an issue, and simply money, check the website of your local county community thing. More than likely, there's a ton of free events happening or volunterring opportunities that cost nothing but your time. From what I've hears the communties there are nice and it could encourage you to get out and about more.