I don't want CTB but her, but without her, we are CTB

[zaxxy1810]

I have noticed that when I am among people it causes a strong desire for CTB, in those moments I am especially aware of how much I miss my only love, my beloved whom I left and without whom my whole life has become completely meaningless. When I am alone I almost cry for her every night, I remember all the moments together and the time when we loved each other very much. I often dream of her and feel that we are still connected in some way, in my dreams we always end up making up and finally being together. Every morning when I wake up she grabs me some indescribable fear at the thought of doing CTB, I feel it as something very bad and dangerous, as something after which I would experience a terrible punishment. Later, during the day, this mostly changes and I again see CTB as the only way out because I know that I have no life without it , that no other woman can ever replace her and that without her, I no longer have any meaning in life. These periods repeat cyclically every day.

 

[Reflection]

I know your feeling all too well, I really hope we can all make up with our gone one and only someday. I don't know whether it'll happen or not, but at the very least I think we should only CTB once we are sure that we've done all we could to end our pain. Just yesterday I was dead set on catching the bus by the time October comes, but as much as it makes me suffer I ultimately decided to give it more time, no matter how much it takes. I will only go once I am completely sure I cannot be with her again.

 

[zaxxy1810]

I think that in my case it is also crucial, only when I am sure that she will never come back can I do CTB. I broke off that relationship several times (although I always loved her endlessly and I never cheated on her with someone else) she was disappointed in she doesn't trust me anymore. If I did CTB, she could perceive it as my running away from her again and my lack of patience.

 

[redkitsune98]

I have noticed that when I am among people it causes a strong desire for CTB, in those moments I am especially aware of how much I miss my only love, my beloved whom I left and without whom my whole life has become completely meaningless. When I am alone I almost cry for her every night, I remember all the moments together and the time when we loved each other very much. I often dream of her and feel that we are still connected in some way, in my dreams we always end up making up and finally being together. Every morning when I wake up she grabs me some indescribable fear at the thought of doing CTB, I feel it as something very bad and dangerous, as something after which I would experience a terrible punishment. Later, during the day, this mostly changes and I again see CTB as the only way out because I know that I have no life without it , that no other woman can ever replace her and that without her, I no longer have any meaning in life. These periods repeat cyclically every day.

I have the same thing as you with my ex
The only reason i didn't ctb yet is I hope he comes back