Venting I don’t understand

[finish.me]

So violently depressed. I hate that I have to wake up everyday in this body. literally opening my eyes in the morning is so fucking crushing, I can feel the weight of my skin and body and hair how disgusting I am move with gravity and im never free of this just, constant, fucking unending revulsion I feel towards myself. I've been thinking about other people. Currently living with my boyfriend and his parents, they kind of remind me of my own in the sense that they just work and clean and do more work and are fine with it. Why. Why does anyone go through life like that. How can anyone wake up in the morning and have the executive function to just fucking work. And move around and take care of their bodies. and not feel the urge to cut themselves or drink or do drugs, like what the fuck. What am I missing. What do they have in their brains that I don't fucking have. I just want to die. I just want to die now

 

[jimmy7754]

That's how I feel times a million right now.

 

[whatevs]

It must be neurological, I think. Like you said, something dysfunctional in our brains. Though I'm not as bad, sorry for your state.
It's either neurological or something spiritual, but spirituality is very diffuse and hard to explore, in part thanks to lack of interest from scientists.

 

[Gsvko]

Can relate. One person that is similar to how you described parents said to me: "I've also had my downs, we all do. Trick is to know how to get up. :)"
I was just looking at him thinking: dude, the way you live makes me gag, I'd rather die ty

 

[FuneralCry]

This life is so horrible and depressing, to me it is all just meaningless suffering. I am sorry that you are in such an awful situation, I can imagine that it must be unbearable what you are going through. I just want to be gone as well, I have suffered enough. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[Superdeterminist]

It must be neurological, I think. Like you said, something dysfunctional in our brains. Though I'm not as bad, sorry for your state.
It's either neurological or something spiritual, but spirituality is very diffuse and hard to explore, in part thanks to lack of interest from scientists.

I wouldn't say we're necessarily dysfunctional. Not to sound Petersonian, but it does depend on how you define dysfunctional. Under the google definition of 'not operating normally or properly', then we have to define what normal or proper means.

Does normal just mean what the majority are doing? If yes, then I suppose we are dysfunctional, because we are doing something which the majority doesn't do. Although, I'm not aware of the stats on how many people actually think about ctb. Assuming it is a minority enterprise, does that make ctb something to be avoided, based on that fact?

As well, 'dysfunctional' inevitably has connotations of 'bad', 'wrong' or 'unhealthy'. So then we might have to see if ctb is any of those things depending on definitions. It goes on and on...

 

[Forever Dead]

So violently depressed. I hate that I have to wake up everyday in this body. literally opening my eyes in the morning is so fucking crushing, I can feel the weight of my skin and body and hair how disgusting I am move with gravity and im never free of this just, constant, fucking unending revulsion I feel towards myself. I've been thinking about other people. Currently living with my boyfriend and his parents, they kind of remind me of my own in the sense that they just work and clean and do more work and are fine with it. Why. Why does anyone go through life like that. How can anyone wake up in the morning and have the executive function to just fucking work. And move around and take care of their bodies. and not feel the urge to cut themselves or drink or do drugs, like what the fuck. What am I missing. What do they have in their brains that I don't fucking have. I just want to die. I just want to die now

So sorry you are going through this. I suffer from chronic depression and anhedonia and I can relate to everything you are saying. When I am going through severe episodes, every little movement of my body takes so much effort, and I dont even have the energy to think properly. Every move, and thought seems to be in slow motion, as though I am moving through thick mud. Its like the human body is a flesh prison that I have to haul around, and it takes all my energy just to construct the most basic of thoughts. And I know what you mean about other people: the so-called normal people of this world are perfectly happy in the delusion that being a wage slave robot is a normal state of existence. So sorry you are feeling like this. Hugs

 

[whatevs]

I wouldn't say we're necessarily dysfunctional. Not to sound Petersonian, but it does depend on how you define dysfunctional. Under the google definition of 'not operating normally or properly', then we have to define what normal or proper means.

Does normal just mean what the majority are doing? If yes, then I suppose we are dysfunctional, because we are doing something which the majority doesn't do. Although, I'm not aware of the stats on how many people actually think about ctb. Assuming it is a minority enterprise, does that make ctb something to be avoided, based on that fact?

As well, 'dysfunctional' inevitably has connotations of 'bad', 'wrong' or 'unhealthy'. So then we might have to see if ctb is any of those things depending on definitions. It goes on and on...

Oh yeah, clearly being miserable as a default and less able than others to enjoy life is pathological and unhealthy. Dysfunction in this context is the inability to survive and thrive, it's quite straightforward.

The whole idea of being functional in the context of living organisms is to do with surviving as long as possible in the best conditions possible. Obviously if you are more sensitive to negative stimuli or less sensitive to positive ones that's dysfunctional. Anhedonia and feeling mundane chores as torment implies both.

Though I concede that if you don't fit in and can't thrive CTB is "functional" in the sense that it's ridding you of a problem, so you did at least one thing well, lol. But the emotions expressed by the OP and shared by many of us in varying degrees are indicative of something dysfunctional in the brain or psyche.

 

[Forever Dead]

Oh yeah, clearly being miserable and suicidal as a default is pathological and unhealthy. Dysfunction in this context is the inability to survive and thrive, it's quite straightforward.

The whole idea of being functional in the context of living organisms is to do with surviving as long as possible in the best conditions possible. Obviously if you are more sensitive to negative stimuli or less sensitive to positive ones that's dysfunctional. Anhedonia and feeling mundane chores as torment implies both.

Though I concede that if you don't fit in and can't thrive CTB is "functional" in the sense that it's ridding you of a problem, so you did at least one thing well, lol. But the emotions expressed by the OP and shared by many of us in varying degrees are indicative of something dysfunctional in the brain or psyche.

Very well said.

 

[Red Scare]

in part thanks to lack of interest from scientists.

You mean lack of evidence.

 

[whatevs]

You mean lack of evidence.

Nah.

 

[Red Scare]

Nah.

Well then I'm here to tell you it's not from lack of interest, but because of the total lack of scientific evidence to suggest that we possess a spirit/soul.

 

[whatevs]

Well then I'm here to tell you it's not from lack of interest, but because of the total lack of scientific evidence to suggest that we possess a spirit/soul.

I definitely have sensed a dogmatic refusal to look into spirituality from science, both in their followers (you) and the main characters that go around divulgating scientific knowledge. They are quite obdurate in their materialistic myopia and ludicrous notion that something like life could be generated chaotically.

 

[Superdeterminist]

Oh yeah, clearly being miserable as a default and less able than others to enjoy life is pathological and unhealthy. Dysfunction in this context is the inability to survive and thrive, it's quite straightforward.

The whole idea of being functional in the context of living organisms is to do with surviving as long as possible in the best conditions possible. Obviously if you are more sensitive to negative stimuli or less sensitive to positive ones that's dysfunctional. Anhedonia and feeling mundane chores as torment implies both.

Though I concede that if you don't fit in and can't thrive CTB is "functional" in the sense that it's ridding you of a problem, so you did at least one thing well, lol. But the emotions expressed by the OP and shared by many of us in varying degrees are indicative of something dysfunctional in the brain or psyche.

So you've defined dysfunction as an inability to survive and thrive. But notice that's different from the definition I gave. There's no issue with that because definitions can be whatever we like, but it's critical to notice there are different ways of defining it and the precise definition matters. Given your definition then I would agree we are dysfunctional because we don't survive as long or thrive as much. I think mainly I just don't like the word dysfunction because it has come to have pejorative connotations.

 

[Red Scare]

I definitely have sensed a dogmatic refusal to look into spirituality from science, both in their followers (you) and the main characters that go around divulgating scientific knowledge.

There has been almost a century of scientific studies and experimentation exploring everything from ghosts, to psychic powers, to so called remote viewing and more, and there has never been any scientific evidence to suggest anything paranormal or immaterial exists.

I don't know follow anybody, it's as simple as doing a google search. You'll find that several people, including the government, ran very well funded experimental studies, and so have several institutions and universities as well. So far no one's found any evidence.

Divulgating is not a word, and science doesn't have followers, that isn't how any of this works. A person comes up with a hypothesis, and then they come up with a way to test that somehow, by performing experiments and analyzing the data. People do their own comparative repeat experiments, and either prove it disprove the hypothesis. These research studies are then published somewhere so that everyone can review the evidence themselves, there's nobody divulging or dictating anything, and no dogma or faith required. There's no pope of science, lol.