I don't understand why I'm depressed

[SilviuSDJ]

Hello everybody, my name is Silviu and I'm 21. I'm new here so this is my first post.
Sorry if my english is not the best, it's my second language.
I kinda realized i was depressed when i was 17, at 18 on my birthday i tried to hang myself but didn't had the courage to go all the way, almost passed out everything became dark but it wasn't enough, and i just ended up having bruises on my neck..i cried a lot that night. The next day going to school and everybody knew what happend, my entire family also knew and were very supportive. At 18 and a half I was thinking at ways to do it again, and found a forum with people that wanted at some point to end their life but didn't, they were supportive and i finally wasn't feeling like I'm the only one with this problem, since then the thoughts kinda disappeared about suicide. Only sometimes thinking about it, like "i wonder how it would be to jump in front of a train, or a car" but wasn't thinking seriously to do it.
Fast forward 3 years and I'm in the same position and i don't understand why. Nothing awful happend these past 3 years, i had great experiences, travelled my country, other countries (by my own) experienced a lot of new and great things and also got my license and a car. Current situation the only real problem that i have it's that i don't have a job and i have no money, it's not that bad because i live with my family, i have a gf that loves me, my entire family, friends, and for some reason i just don't want to live anymore and i don't know why. There is not a really good reason and i feel bad because others are in a way worse situation than me and they have good reason to do it, some wish to have what i have, and i feel ungrateful for wanting to end my life even if i have all these great things. What's wrong with me? I just don't see the point in living if we all end up dead anyway and nobody will remember us eventually, what's the point?
I'm thinking about Avicii and Chester from Linking park, from outside it looked like they had everything and they still did it.
I'm curious if anyone else feels like this even if they don't have a bad life.

 

[Xunnsu]

I just don't see the point in living if we all end up dead anyway and nobody will remember us eventually, what's the point?

I am familiar with this feeling. It's referred to as an Existential Crisis. We're just animals that eat, reproduce, and die. I suppose the only point/reason there can be, is to find something(s) that make you want to stay alive, such as taking care of your GF as one example. And not worry about how it all ends, just focus on what kind of experience(s) you want to have while you are alive. Perhaps, try to live more in the present.

I'm curious if anyone else feels like this even if they don't have a bad life.

Many people have mental health disorders. So it depends on what you mean by a bad life. An unhealthy brain can make one's life terrible, even if everything else is fine. Pain and pleasure do not exist in the outside world, it exists in your brain, where your experiences are created.

 

[akrasia]

It sounds like severe depression. It can hit anyone, it doesn't care about the age, gender, ethnicity, etc. It could hit someone even though they have a fairly good life. Have you gotten any professional treatment?
I feel the same way you do. My life is somewhat decent, but I don't see myself living for another day. I feel embarrassed at times for feeling this way since people have it worse than me. So, you're not alone :)

 

[Tamazi 123]

Could it be a feeling that you don't have a purpose in life? I struggle with that

 

[PrettyMoose]

People who have it worse than you probably feel guilty too and think about people who have it worse than them, and the people who have it worse than them probably think the same thing, so on and so forth. All of our individual pain matters. No one asked to be here, we all suffer in ways that we would have preferred not to. Regardless of wealth and fame and everything else, we all are faced with deterioration of our bodies in life as well as the eventual loss of everything we care for. Life is inherently brutal in that way. Of course it is depressing for anyone who takes even 5 seconds to think about it. It's okay, you are allowed to be depressed and even angry at the situation you've been forced into.

 

[SilviuSDJ]

I suppose the only point/reason there can be, is to find something(s) that make you want to stay alive, such as taking care of your GF as one example. And not worry about how it all ends, just focus on what kind of experience(s) you want to have while you are alive. Perhaps, try to live more in the present.

Thanks for the advice, I will try my best.

Have you gotten any professional treatment?
I feel the same way you do. My life is somewhat decent, but I don't see myself living for another day. I feel embarrassed at times for feeling this way since people have it worse than me. So, you're not alone :)

Never had any professional treatment and I kinda feel embarrassed to search for that. I talked with my gf about it and that helps but only for the moment. Not gonna lie, it feels good that I'm not the only one in this situation, but also i feel sorry that you are experiencing this. Sending hugs!

Could it be a feeling that you don't have a purpose in life? I struggle with that

It could be, i also struggle with that.

 

[Otter]

Hello everybody, my name is Silviu and I'm 21. I'm new here so this is my first post.
Sorry if my english is not the best, it's my second language.
I kinda realized i was depressed when i was 17, at 18 on my birthday i tried to hang myself but didn't had the courage to go all the way, almost passed out everything became dark but it wasn't enough, and i just ended up having bruises on my neck..i cried a lot that night. The next day going to school and everybody knew what happend, my entire family also knew and were very supportive. At 18 and a half I was thinking at ways to do it again, and found a forum with people that wanted at some point to end their life but didn't, they were supportive and i finally wasn't feeling like I'm the only one with this problem, since then the thoughts kinda disappeared about suicide. Only sometimes thinking about it, like "i wonder how it would be to jump in front of a train, or a car" but wasn't thinking seriously to do it.
Fast forward 3 years and I'm in the same position and i don't understand why. Nothing awful happend these past 3 years, i had great experiences, travelled my country, other countries (by my own) experienced a lot of new and great things and also got my license and a car. Current situation the only real problem that i have it's that i don't have a job and i have no money, it's not that bad because i live with my family, i have a gf that loves me, my entire family, friends, and for some reason i just don't want to live anymore and i don't know why. There is not a really good reason and i feel bad because others are in a way worse situation than me and they have good reason to do it, some wish to have what i have, and i feel ungrateful for wanting to end my life even if i have all these great things. What's wrong with me? I just don't see the point in living if we all end up dead anyway and nobody will remember us eventually, what's the point?
I'm thinking about Avicii and Chester from Linking park, from outside it looked like they had everything and they still did it.
I'm curious if anyone else feels like this even if they don't have a bad life.

Non-situational depression is what it is called. Its biological and can be genetic, as well. Best Wishes, I hope you start to feel better soon!

 

[akrasia]

Never had any professional treatment and I kinda feel embarrassed to search for that. I talked with my gf about it and that helps but only for the moment.

You shouldn't feel embarrassed, everyone deserves a chance to recover. Even though it would be rough and hard, I believe that you could do it. I'm glad that you have your gf to help you even though it helps momentarily.

 

[SilviuSDJ]

You shouldn't feel embarrassed, everyone deserves a chance to recover. Even though it would be rough and hard, I believe that you could do it. I'm glad that you have your gf to help you even though it helps momentarily.

Thank you <3
She really is trying to help me, most girls would probably leave someone depressed like me.
I hope you also get better soon, if I can, then you can also, wish you the best!

 

[Brackenshire]

Cyclical organic depression