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wildflowers1996
Arcanist
- Oct 14, 2023
- 454
I suppose there is some pleasure that can be derived from physical sensations. But I think I may be asexual. I've never had sex, and don't really have a desire to. I don't see the point in it when you can simulate the same sensations without another person; it all just seems a bit gross to me.
Some food tastes nice. I kind of like the sensation of being on a rollercoaster and moving fast through the air. There are some scents I like and some music sounds nice. I suppose some things are pretty to look at. I quite like being somewhere warm and cosy and listening to the rain outside. I get a bit of pleasure from seeing my cat playing and happy.
But these things seem so small, and just not worth the effort of living? I really don't get it. Isn't life just about alleviating suffering mostly? Working, so you can afford shelter and food, to avoid being uncomfortable/cold/a victim of an attack / to stop feeling hungry. Then go back to work again. And repeat and repeat and repeat...
And so much time is just spent cleaning. I know people should say I should be grateful for having running water, that I can take a bath or shower whenever - but it's still a chore? I feel grateful towards the people who set up the bath/shower, and I feel awful for people who don't have access to one, but I can't feel grateful towards life or God if that makes sense because... it's still boring? It'd still be better just to not exist and not need to do these things to stop yourself feeling even worse.
If you're dead, there's no need to bother? I really don't get it. Why is wanting to live seen as the "default"? I don't understand. Even if you don't have any real "problems", life is just...boring? It just seems to be about work which is boring (for me anyway - pretty much any job is boring to me) and paying bills.
I wish ending your life wasn't seen as a "tragedy". I wish I didn't have a survival instinct when it doesn't make sense to me to want to survive. I wish my family didn't love me. I love them, so, so much, and that's always the thing holding me back from ending everything (that and the fear I'm going to hell) but if death is just going to sleep forever...how is that bad? People say it's boring being dead, but it's not. Being alive is boring (at best - usually it involves a lot of emotional pain and some physical pain too).
Some food tastes nice. I kind of like the sensation of being on a rollercoaster and moving fast through the air. There are some scents I like and some music sounds nice. I suppose some things are pretty to look at. I quite like being somewhere warm and cosy and listening to the rain outside. I get a bit of pleasure from seeing my cat playing and happy.
But these things seem so small, and just not worth the effort of living? I really don't get it. Isn't life just about alleviating suffering mostly? Working, so you can afford shelter and food, to avoid being uncomfortable/cold/a victim of an attack / to stop feeling hungry. Then go back to work again. And repeat and repeat and repeat...
And so much time is just spent cleaning. I know people should say I should be grateful for having running water, that I can take a bath or shower whenever - but it's still a chore? I feel grateful towards the people who set up the bath/shower, and I feel awful for people who don't have access to one, but I can't feel grateful towards life or God if that makes sense because... it's still boring? It'd still be better just to not exist and not need to do these things to stop yourself feeling even worse.
If you're dead, there's no need to bother? I really don't get it. Why is wanting to live seen as the "default"? I don't understand. Even if you don't have any real "problems", life is just...boring? It just seems to be about work which is boring (for me anyway - pretty much any job is boring to me) and paying bills.
I wish ending your life wasn't seen as a "tragedy". I wish I didn't have a survival instinct when it doesn't make sense to me to want to survive. I wish my family didn't love me. I love them, so, so much, and that's always the thing holding me back from ending everything (that and the fear I'm going to hell) but if death is just going to sleep forever...how is that bad? People say it's boring being dead, but it's not. Being alive is boring (at best - usually it involves a lot of emotional pain and some physical pain too).