I don't understand why anyone wants to live

[wildflowers1996]

I suppose there is some pleasure that can be derived from physical sensations. But I think I may be asexual. I've never had sex, and don't really have a desire to. I don't see the point in it when you can simulate the same sensations without another person; it all just seems a bit gross to me.

Some food tastes nice. I kind of like the sensation of being on a rollercoaster and moving fast through the air. There are some scents I like and some music sounds nice. I suppose some things are pretty to look at. I quite like being somewhere warm and cosy and listening to the rain outside. I get a bit of pleasure from seeing my cat playing and happy.

But these things seem so small, and just not worth the effort of living? I really don't get it. Isn't life just about alleviating suffering mostly? Working, so you can afford shelter and food, to avoid being uncomfortable/cold/a victim of an attack / to stop feeling hungry. Then go back to work again. And repeat and repeat and repeat...

And so much time is just spent cleaning. I know people should say I should be grateful for having running water, that I can take a bath or shower whenever - but it's still a chore? I feel grateful towards the people who set up the bath/shower, and I feel awful for people who don't have access to one, but I can't feel grateful towards life or God if that makes sense because... it's still boring? It'd still be better just to not exist and not need to do these things to stop yourself feeling even worse.

If you're dead, there's no need to bother? I really don't get it. Why is wanting to live seen as the "default"? I don't understand. Even if you don't have any real "problems", life is just...boring? It just seems to be about work which is boring (for me anyway - pretty much any job is boring to me) and paying bills.

I wish ending your life wasn't seen as a "tragedy". I wish I didn't have a survival instinct when it doesn't make sense to me to want to survive. I wish my family didn't love me. I love them, so, so much, and that's always the thing holding me back from ending everything (that and the fear I'm going to hell) but if death is just going to sleep forever...how is that bad? People say it's boring being dead, but it's not. Being alive is boring (at best - usually it involves a lot of emotional pain and some physical pain too).

 

[Themogger]

It's easier to take the path of least resistance

 

[almost dead mota]

To me and this is my opinion although it's a strong one, you can't really be happy without other people, not just any people but the right people. Basic needs are awesome, pretty things are too, and art is amazing... but, they get boring. There's only so much good music out there and so much predisposition of yours to be able to enjoy it, now apply that to everything. Food isn't the same if not hungry, a scenery isn't the same after a while of staring at it etc. However this doesn't happen with people, they are a funnel through which be able to see things in a different light, they surprise you all the time. Howeeeever, most prople are sooo dull, and not only that, people who aren't are mostly unavailable to us for a myriad of reasons, distance, life situation etc. I believe the only pure things in life that are worth it are unexpected gifts made to you(emphasis in unexpected) if you were god, you would do a lot of crazy shit at first, but very soon you would invent a button to surprise yourself, but even then that would get boring too, so you would make it as if every time you pressed the button you had also lost your memory about it. That could be the life you are living now after pressing that button. So in my opinion you cannot force happiness, and you just depend on luck. You may try to play with the odds, but if you do you would have to be very careful not to trick yourself into things that will lead you nowhere like most people do. I think a good way of boosting your odds is to help other people and gift them the surprise. However I did that with someone and spent 5 grueling years trying to get them out of their country and miserable situation. I succeed, but in the end, I just got traumatized by this person. She was asexual like you might be, or well... I'm not entirely sure, there's many of ways you might behave like one so that is a really tough topic. But she harmed me in more ways by lying about f'd up things etc. Maybe it's my fault to fall so hard for her but in the end all I got was her saying how I manipulated her and did her wrong when I never hit her, shouted, or lied in any way. In fact all of the money I managed to recolect in 5 years I've given to her, I've always cared for her and been with her even if just online, every single day. Having depression this was not easy. But in the end she just abandoned me once she got here, knowing I have no one and can't handle myself. I've complained a lot about the things she did to me, and about her asexuality I didn't knew at first, she didn't either, so I regret pushing her to do things she may not have wanted by asking for it. But again I was just asking for it and when I got really sad about it and she never touching me in any way or her lying about all the times we "did" it online or her past relationships I was actually hurting, I never manipulated things. And yet I get abandoned and called a awful things in the end after all that time. Knowing this... yeah I think... why would anyone who isn't happy already consider keep playing life when it's just not woth trying

 

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

I guess most psychiatrists/therapists or whatever would say that what you feel is because you have depression. And if you weren't depressed, you would feel good about being alive I guess? I can relate to how you feel, in the past when I was very depressed, I couldn't even wrap my head around how anyone could be happy. I suppose I'm less depressed now because I don't feel the same way anymore, but since I got a chronic illness it seems like there's more pain than joy in my life and now I can't imagine how I, specifically, could ever be happy.

Sometimes even if it doesn't feel particularly horrible to be alive, it does just seem like too much work. You have to work, and take care of yourself, and have a social life, and cook and eat, and it all just feels like so much work for no reason.

 

[Me Me Me]

To me and this is my opinion although it's a strong one, you can't really be happy without other people, not just any people but the right people. Basic needs are awesome, pretty things are too, and art is amazing... but, they get boring. There's only so much good music out there and so much predisposition of yours to be able to enjoy it, now apply that to everything. Food isn't the same if not hungry, a scenery isn't the same after a while of staring at it etc. However this doesn't happen with people, they are a funnel through which be able to see things in a different light, they surprise you all the time. Howeeeever, most prople are sooo dull, and not only that, people who aren't are mostly unavailable to us for a myriad of reasons, distance, life situation etc. I believe the only pure things in life that are worth it are unexpected gifts made to you(emphasis in unexpected) if you were god, you would do a lot of crazy shit at first, but very soon you would invent a button to surprise yourself, but even then that would get boring too, so you would make it as if every time you pressed the button you had also lost your memory about it. That could be the life you are living now after pressing that button. So in my opinion you cannot force happiness, and you just depend on luck. You may try to play with the odds, but if you do you would have to be very careful not to trick yourself into things that will lead you nowhere like most people do. I think a good way of boosting your odds is to help other people and gift them the surprise. However I did that with someone and spent 5 grueling years trying to get them out of their country and miserable situation. I succeed, but in the end, I just got traumatized by this person. She was asexual like you might be, or well... I'm not entirely sure, there's many of ways you might behave like one so that is a really tough topic. But she harmed me in more ways by lying about f'd up things etc. Maybe it's my fault to fall so hard for her but in the end all I got was her saying how I manipulated her and did her wrong when I never hit her, shouted, or lied in any way. In fact all of the money I managed to recolect in 5 years I've given to her, I've always cared for her and been with her even if just online, every single day. Having depression this was not easy. But in the end she just abandoned me once she got here, knowing I have no one and can't handle myself. I've complained a lot about the things she did to me, and about her asexuality I didn't knew at first, she didn't either, so I regret pushing her to do things she may not have wanted by asking for it. But again I was just asking for it and when I got really sad about it and she never touching me in any way or her lying about all the times we "did" it online or her past relationships I was actually hurting, I never manipulated things. And yet I get abandoned and called a awful things in the end after all that time. Knowing this... yeah I think... why would anyone who isn't happy already consider keep playing life when it's just not woth trying

Are you a man or a woman? My God, I can't imagine the pain it must be to work so many years for a loved one and when he gets what he wants from you, he miserably abandons you. God, how painful this life is, it really sucks.

 

[almost dead mota]

Are you a man or a woman? My God, I can't imagine the pain it must be to work so many years for a loved one and when he gets what he wants from you, he miserably abandons you. God, how painful this life is, it really sucks.

I'm a man

 

[undecided]

You are you ! Not everyone feels the same as you do! Yes, some people actually LOVE their lives! Just because WE are miserable, doesn't mean that everyone is miserable!

 

[whotookmylexapro]

"I wish ending your life wasn't seen as a "tragedy""

So fucking true, i hate being tied down to this world due to fear of causing trauma to my family. Its not their fault. I wish i could just disappear or donate my heart to science.

 

[divinemistress36]

My brain is always just in straight survival mode all the time so its hard for me to understand the joy that other people feel with life. Oh and sex isnt that great . A few times it was fun when I was drunk but thats about it

 

[3/4Dead]

I relate to divine's comment about being in constant survival mode; I'm the same way. There just isn't any time to feel anything other than panic and anxiety. Pot is cool, but that's not sustainable all day everyday lol. Whenever people started telling me that everyone is suffering and I'm not special I just started feeling progressively worse, because all that means is i'm too weak to deal with the same amount of agony as everyone else, worse off, why the hell would you just want to do this? I don't get it.

 

[Darkover]

i like to learn how computers work and the mathematics that governs them and the universe then apply what i've learned to program a simulation at least i started taking my toys to bits aged 5 i've literally taking everything apart once up on a time, i spent 10 years programming computers i guess you could say i found a purpose to live then i got a brain injury and now my life is over and just hell

 

[Ramsay Fiction]

There are people I love so, so much but they were ok before I entered their lives and they'll be ok when I'm gone.

As 3/4Dead has just mentioned "whenever people started telling me that everyone is suffering and I'm not special I just started feeling progressively worse" I can feel that. Not for the same exact reason, but that just perpetuates the feeling of "what's the point, then?" Because clearly suffering is all there is.

I want giving up to be easier. I am a burden to the people who care and this life is a burden on me. Being free from it isn't a tragedy, it's a celebration. If only I could.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yeah, I feel the same. Like, if at our foundations, we want to reject life. If we resent actually being alive, it's very hard to be grateful for anything on top of that because- it seems kind of unnessesary. Like- of course I'm grateful I'm not starving but, if I wasn't alive, I wouldn't even be faced with the possibility of starvation.

 

[cursedbynature64]

ctb wouldnt be a depressing topic if more people realized the freedom it gives the mind, if you can even call it that

This is a major reason for me to make plans for ctbing. So much of my anxiety comes from feeling trapped; in general as well as in this world. Having a plan to leave it at any time I choose, whether that be days from now, years, or even if I choose not to do so, is so relieving. Prison wouldn't be the threat that it is if every prisoner had the keys to leave the prison.

Despite what pro-lifers say, having an easily accessible method of ctb will actually make me less likely to do it, since I'll always have the peace of mind knowing that I have that option available if it gets to be unbearable.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I don't understand it either. I acknowledge that normies look forward to the good things in life but, honestly, the good things don't seem that good to me. This is partly due to how I have anhedonia but, even if I didn't have anhedonia, life still seems like it isn't worth the effort. The majority of people work to survive so that they can work even more. It sounds like such a miserable and boring life. I want to kill myself to avoid having my life be like theirs but I'm too scared to kill myself which means that I may be forced to wage slave :(. I hate life and I don't understand how normies are content enough with it to not even consider suicide.

If I had a choice, I'd choose to never be born. Life isn't worth it

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I agree with your post op .

All you say is true. Also

There is no objective reason to live . Nothing matters . What that we do could possibly matter in 150 years or even today? What will matter in 10000 years? Nothing. What Will matter in a trillion years? Nothing

There is no reason to work so hard. There is no reason to put up with any suffering pain work or problems much less risk the extreme unbearable pain possible

You have to work all day to get just a few hours a day to waste in meaningless addicttions like youtube u work all day just to be able to exist under threat of extreme torture .

Life is meaningless suffering.
The garbage they continuously tell us are so good are just addictions that are not worth the extreme torture that is likely to happen. We are risking unbearable pain and extreme suffering for no objective reason no purpose .These addictions are what that keep us here as prisoners waiting like sitting ducks for something very horrible to happen to us.

Just some examples

The human body is very fragile . Many hundreds of horrible things can happen to any human any day concussions ,strokes, nasal infections called the suicide disease the pain is so bad, Lyme , cancer , kidnapping torture, cancer, disabling accidents, blindness, many diseases, disabilities, old age, dementia, parasites like tapeworms see monsters inside me show, many more. All this and how bad pain and old age is are hidden

All we see and hear is how amazing the human body is . It's really a prison a decaying torture chamber

 

[andreamysk]

A super-classic of the philosophy of consciousness, "What Is It Like to Be a Bat?" by Thomas Nagel, much cited and (more recently) much criticized, could be re-titled "What Is It Like to Be wildflowers1996?" or "What Is It Like to Be a Life-Enjoyer?". Nagel would argue that one cannot really know "what it is like to be..." because, beyond even a very accurate description of the experienced condition, listing all the physical and mental processes underlying that specific state, consciousness has an absolutely subjective character, such that it cannot be translated into reductionist terms, however accurate.
Maybe, or maybe not. Since Nagel's time, we are increasingly understanding how the very complicated intertwining of body and mind works (still too little, unfortunately). I'm sorry I won't be here long to follow the developments (but to those of you who can: I envy you :)

 

[R_N]

For me everything comes down to how life feeds on life and countless examples of cruelty in species. This also creates divide a bit between me and buddhism even tho I became much more aware through meditation and came to acceptance.

Existence is ruthless and I never saw a good pro life argument that is based on complete picture of life and death on this earth. Most arguments consist of temporary and individual states ignorant of the rest.

I am not antinatalist anymore btw, but I am definitely not pro life either. I understand species can't help it and have to follow their impulses and desires, including reproduction.

 

[Downdraft]

Existence is ruthless and I never saw a good pro life argument that is based on complete picture of life and death on this earth.

I understand species can't help it and have to follow their impulses and desires, including reproduction.

Well you can't have it all, can you

It's a good example to not use the consent argument. Life is cruel, but you then need the consent of everyone on Earth. Since said consent is to be more cruel, you enter a loop of doing nothing.

Eventually, most anti-natalists realize that and switch to "team life", despite what the post says, since that's the consent conclusion.