Hi all. I am new to this forum, infact new to forums full stop.
I am struggling to cope in my life, everything has gone wrong once again and i really have had enough of "living".
I was in a relationship for 10 years with someone who i thought was my soulmate. Really, she was the best thing ever to happen to me, i thought. We moved away together 3 years ago, i gave up the best job of my life, i thought i was totally comiiting to her and vice versa.
In april last year she sat me down and told me how much she loved me, and she wanted a baby with me. I have struggled with the concept of being a dad all my life, due to an unhappy childhood. That is why i left it so long ..i am 43. But i felt the time was right, and i loved her so much, i said yes, and we cried together on the sofa and set a date for the end of the year.
She wss so warm and loving throughout our relationship. But then a month later, she ended it wkth me out of the blue, by letter...saying she had changed her mind and had had doubts about the relationship for 3 years. I was just recovering from covid, and was immensly stressed at work due to a recent promotion, but she chose this exact moment to hand me this letter and then refused to explain or talk about it, she was just distant. She wouldnt tell me how come we had moved here together if she had dpubts then? Why she asked me for a baby? Why we were constantly loving and affectionate if there were thrse doubts? She never has since.
Next day she removed all photos from me and left the houze, when i came down stairs and saw that i was being deleted i just went to pieces, i lost it comletly, i threw up. I knrw i could make it to work, i had to text my boss as i couldnt even talk.
I then did the worst thing and drank, she came back and we had a yelling match. She called the police and i was taken away and dumped in a different town. Like she was the victim, i could not believe it.
Next day all my things were outside the house. She refuses to talk and has blocked me on all levels, totally discarded. She replied to a cpuple of my emails with no answers, just "get over it". After 10 years.. thats all i am worth?
I have since been arrested for harrasment as i went to the house to try and find out why this was happening, and i emailed her after she told me not to.
I was arrested at work and have lost my promotion and job, totally humiliating.
I have since fpund out she was cheating on me. Yet it is me who has lost everytbing and am being treated like the agressor.
Overnight she turned into someone i do not recognise at all, after 10 years and it has destroyed me.
That was all in the early summer last year. I have not recoverered, not recieved any answers. I am convinced she is a narcasist.
Any way, i am done. I have no job, my career is gone, the woman i loved with every part of my being has turned into something utterly unrecognisable.
I just want out now.
Sorry for the rant. I dont need to hear "time heals" etc ect. This time i will never trust anyone again. Not ever.
Just want to find a good way to go.
Thanks for listening to my misery!
I am struggling to cope in my life, everything has gone wrong once again and i really have had enough of "living".
I was in a relationship for 10 years with someone who i thought was my soulmate. Really, she was the best thing ever to happen to me, i thought. We moved away together 3 years ago, i gave up the best job of my life, i thought i was totally comiiting to her and vice versa.
In april last year she sat me down and told me how much she loved me, and she wanted a baby with me. I have struggled with the concept of being a dad all my life, due to an unhappy childhood. That is why i left it so long ..i am 43. But i felt the time was right, and i loved her so much, i said yes, and we cried together on the sofa and set a date for the end of the year.
She wss so warm and loving throughout our relationship. But then a month later, she ended it wkth me out of the blue, by letter...saying she had changed her mind and had had doubts about the relationship for 3 years. I was just recovering from covid, and was immensly stressed at work due to a recent promotion, but she chose this exact moment to hand me this letter and then refused to explain or talk about it, she was just distant. She wouldnt tell me how come we had moved here together if she had dpubts then? Why she asked me for a baby? Why we were constantly loving and affectionate if there were thrse doubts? She never has since.
Next day she removed all photos from me and left the houze, when i came down stairs and saw that i was being deleted i just went to pieces, i lost it comletly, i threw up. I knrw i could make it to work, i had to text my boss as i couldnt even talk.
I then did the worst thing and drank, she came back and we had a yelling match. She called the police and i was taken away and dumped in a different town. Like she was the victim, i could not believe it.
Next day all my things were outside the house. She refuses to talk and has blocked me on all levels, totally discarded. She replied to a cpuple of my emails with no answers, just "get over it". After 10 years.. thats all i am worth?
I have since been arrested for harrasment as i went to the house to try and find out why this was happening, and i emailed her after she told me not to.
I was arrested at work and have lost my promotion and job, totally humiliating.
I have since fpund out she was cheating on me. Yet it is me who has lost everytbing and am being treated like the agressor.
Overnight she turned into someone i do not recognise at all, after 10 years and it has destroyed me.
That was all in the early summer last year. I have not recoverered, not recieved any answers. I am convinced she is a narcasist.
Any way, i am done. I have no job, my career is gone, the woman i loved with every part of my being has turned into something utterly unrecognisable.
I just want out now.
Sorry for the rant. I dont need to hear "time heals" etc ect. This time i will never trust anyone again. Not ever.
Just want to find a good way to go.
Thanks for listening to my misery!
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